If World War Two had been an online Real Ttime Strategy game

[Thesifer]

( sorry if this is a repost I did a quick search and didn't find it, but it HAS to be here... anyways.. still funny)

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/articles/military_jokes_20057151.asp


If World War Two had been an online Real Ttime Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*

[molecularfire]

:heh: :heh:

Man, I'm a geek. :heh:

[Houdini]

:heh:
Very cool

[Burzhui]

it's funny, but i still can't believe that USA thinks they won WW2

[Houdini]

it's funny, but i still can't believe that USA thinks they won WW2

Er...we didn't?

:gle: :2far:

[PrObLy]

Er...we didn't?

:gle: :2far:

Well, the USA wasn't the lone victors of WWII. Besides the Western Allies, the Soviet Union played a very important part in defeating Germany. Many of us Americans don't know this, aren't taught it, etc.

[Houdini]

Well, the USA wasn't the lone victors of WWII. Besides the Western Allies, the Soviet Union played a very important part in defeating Germany. Many of us Americans don't know this, aren't taught it, etc.

Of course the Allies won WWII. We were a big part of that alliance, and we fought it on two fronts. I'd count that as a victory.

[ialsohaveadream]

Awesome. The only thing it was missing was a "pwned" after the ROFLOLOLOLs. :)

[BigJon]

Too funny. :hihi:

[Merlin]

it's funny, but i still can't believe that USA thinks they won WW2
Right because Russia was oh so helpful in getting rid of those stubborn Japanese. :rolleyes:

[Burzhui]

Right because Russia was oh so helpful in getting rid of those stubborn Japanese. :rolleyes:

oh and USA was oh so helpfull by financially supporting germany in the begining


Many of us Americans don't know this, aren't taught it, etc.


PRECISELY

[Thesifer]

If you go to the link.. and check the one at the bottom.. there is an "If the Iraq War was an RTS" also.

[LegendKiller]

That was pretty good. Timing of some of the events were off by quite a bit, but still dang funny.



oh and USA was oh so helpfull by financially supporting germany in the begining




PRECISELY


Yeah and the rest of the World's brain trust was so fekking smart to bog a whole country down in reparation payments while robbing them of their economic heartland (Saar region). The only way they could pay reparations was to print money, which was worthless.

Their depression was at least 2x as bad as the US' or anywhere else. The US tried to help them, unlike Russia, France, and England.

I also think that many people forget that we were sending supplies to Russia well before Perl. Many US sailors from the merchies died in the north sea and baltic and the arctic ocean trying to get to russian ports. Heres one account.

http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/convoy.htm


This is funny and I would hate to turn it into a pol thread since many don't go there.

[attgig]

Well, the USA wasn't the lone victors of WWII. Besides the Western Allies, the Soviet Union played a very important part in defeating Germany. Many of us Americans don't know this, aren't taught it, etc.

stfu u commie. stop being a commie.


:P

[bachviet]

That's pretty funny.

[Grimm]

The US was instrumental in defeating the Axis of Evil, not in it's deployment of troops, but in it's shipments of weapons and munitions to the other allied powers.
Russia received billions of dollars worth of weapons and ammo durring WW2. It used those munitions to destroy 74% of all the German armor and kill about 49% of all the Greman troops that would be killed durring the war.
The US helped some in Europe with troops, armor and ships, but wasn't the major player that most Americans are led to believe. The role was significant in that every little bit helped, but we were not the driving force. We were a relitively monor power that was able to build up a huge manufacturing base due to our geograpical isolation.

We were the little guy that tipped the ballance. Realisticaly, if the US had joined the Axis the war would have gone the other way. Just like if England had capitulated after France fell, the war would have been over. Russia was instrumental in winning the war, it's just too bad they were willing to tle the rest of Europe fall before finaly getting involved (and only after Germany started invading, AGAIN).

The US and Australia didn't have to get involved. Japan would have never attacked if we weren't sending all the supplies to the Allies instead of trading to them.
Of course the whole war would never had happened if Euope would have listened to us in the first place and not mugged Germany so hard after the war. And then took the League of Nations seriously.

[LegendKiller]

The US was instrumental in defeating the Axis of Evil, not in it's deployment of troops, but in it's shipments of weapons and munitions to the other allied powers.
Russia received billions of dollars worth of weapons and ammo durring WW2. It used those munitions to destroy 74% of all the German armor and kill about 49% of all the Greman troops that would be killed durring the war.
The US helped some in Europe with troops, armor and ships, but wasn't the major player that most Americans are led to believe. The role was significant in that every little bit helped, but we were not the driving force. We were a relitively monor power that was able to build up a huge manufacturing base due to our geograpical isolation.

We were the little guy that tipped the ballance. Realisticaly, if the US had joined the Axis the war would have gone the other way. Just like if England had capitulated after France fell, the war would have been over. Russia was instrumental in winning the war, it's just too bad they were willing to tle the rest of Europe fall before finaly getting involved (and only after Germany started invading, AGAIN).

The US and Australia didn't have to get involved. Japan would have never attacked if we weren't sending all the supplies to the Allies instead of trading to them.
Of course the whole war would never had happened if Euope would have listened to us in the first place and not mugged Germany so hard after the war. And then took the League of Nations seriously.

I disagree with some of that. Primarily because we were training RAF pilots here and our pilots were over there before Perl. Not to mention we were sending much of the ammunition and such being used for the Battle of Britain, and protecting the convoys with our ships (leased to Britain). Without that combo there would have been no resupply of the Allies prior to Perl, which would have spelled certain doom.

Furthermore, after the attack on Perl it wasn't but the Escort Carriers (pocket carriers..etc) that drastically reduced the U-Boat threat. Churchill even said that he never feared the Luftwaffe or the Wehrmacht but he feared the U-boats. Our corvettes, destroyers, and ultimately carriers turned the tide in the Atlantic.

I also disagree with Japan attacking Perl because of our activities in the Atlantic. Records have shown that the plans and final decision for Perl were completed in 39. It was well known that we would aid Britain if they needed it. Furthermore, our strangeling of the Japanese re: Dutch Indies, Oil, and Steel, forced them into a move to try to minimize our power in the Pacific. The best way to do that, from their perception, was to strike hard/fast and get us to capitulate, which was the plan beginning in 38/39.

Russia has nothing to be proud about in that scenario, considering they brokered a non-combat deal (more or less) with Japan. They had little desire to repeat the previous spanking they took at Japans hands. Essentially, they freed up Japan to strike at us unfettered. We covered their flank while supplying their main thrust against Germany. Stalin traded men, machines, land, and time, bleeding the German army with the supplies we gave him.

If one could reduce the US to a few sentances in Europe, we were the supply chief and the reserves. We were also the sheep dog that was sleeping but then started to guard the flock and make sure the wool got to the market. In the pacific we massed for a strike while being left without allies (more or less).

[attgig]

Oho, an English boy, huh? You know, we saved your ass in World War II.
Yeah, well, we saved _your_ arse in World War III.

That's true.

[LegendKiller]

Oho, an English boy, huh? You know, we saved your ass in World War II.
Yeah, well, we saved _your_ arse in World War III.

That's true.


huh?

[gwilks98]

huh?
It's a simpsons quote where Lisa has a vision about the future. Homer has a conversation with her British Fiance.

[Thesifer]

For some reason all I could think about reading LK's entire post was "Why is he spelling Perl like the programming language and not like Pearl Harbor ? ? " Ha.. Anywho.. Wow this turned political.. its just a joke guys :D

[LegendKiller]

For some reason all I could think about reading LK's entire post was "Why is he spelling Perl like the programming language and not like Pearl Harbor ? ? " Ha.. Anywho.. Wow this turned political.. its just a joke guys :D


lol, chalk it up to me typing in a hurry and not looking at what I was saying ;). Dang Japanese empire attacking poor Perl, how will coders defend themselves?

[ialsohaveadream]

how will coders defend themselves?
The same way they always do, by curling into the fetal position and screaming like a girl. :)

[Grimm]

I disagree with some of that. Primarily because we were training RAF pilots here and our pilots were over there before Perl. Not to mention we were sending much of the ammunition and such being used for the Battle of Britain, and protecting the convoys with our ships (leased to Britain). Without that combo there would have been no resupply of the Allies prior to Perl, which would have spelled certain doom.
How is this different than what I said? You use different examples but come to the same conclusion. The primary importance of the US was the manufacturing base and supplies we sent to the Allies.

[Yossarian]

I disagree with some of that. Primarily because we were training RAF pilots here and our pilots were over there before Perl. Not to mention we were sending much of the ammunition and such being used for the Battle of Britain, and protecting the convoys with our ships (leased to Britain). Without that combo there would have been no resupply of the Allies prior to Perl, which would have spelled certain doom.

Furthermore, after the attack on Perl it wasn't but the Escort Carriers (pocket carriers..etc) that drastically reduced the U-Boat threat. Churchill even said that he never feared the Luftwaffe or the Wehrmacht but he feared the U-boats. Our corvettes, destroyers, and ultimately carriers turned the tide in the Atlantic.

I also disagree with Japan attacking Perl because of our activities in the Atlantic. Records have shown that the plans and final decision for Perl were completed in 39. It was well known that we would aid Britain if they needed it. Furthermore, our strangeling of the Japanese re: Dutch Indies, Oil, and Steel, forced them into a move to try to minimize our power in the Pacific. The best way to do that, from their perception, was to strike hard/fast and get us to capitulate, which was the plan beginning in 38/39.


I thought it was the RAF pilots training US volunteers that went to England.

The main reason that our ships did so well in the Atlantic and get the credit, was because the British refused to send even part of their Home Fleet away from England for convoy duty. Had they done this, and attacked the submarine pens in France that were well within the range of their bombers(which were out of range of the Germans in northern England, and safe once Goering decided to stupidly stop bombing military targets and hit the cities to try and subdue the population) and the Home Fleet, they would not have had near the problem they did with the U-Boats. Of course, all we can do now is speculate, so its pointless to argue what would ahve worked better.

And you're right, the Japanese did not attack Pearl because of the activities in the Atlantic, they attacked because of the Imperialist actions of American in the Pacific. Our mounting economic pressures against them drove them over the edge. The Japanese had war sceneraios for everything. All of them named by color. If i remember right the one to attack Pearl was(not deragatory, but ironic none the less) 'Yellow'.

People also believe that it was the restriction of Oil that sent them over the edge. It wasn't. Scrap metal was. Oil they almost had a lock on. The islands north of Australia(all of them) that they had been taking were the oil they needed. We supplied most of the metal that actually built their war ships.

[Showtime]

At work...
Read it halfway. lols

:D

[Merlin]

And you're right, the Japanese did not attack Pearl because of the activities in the Atlantic, they attacked because of the Imperialist actions of American in the Pacific.
American Imperialist????....I'm sure the Chinese, Koreans, Plillipinos and everyone else the Japanese invaded might disagree.



People also believe that it was the restriction of Oil that sent them over the edge. It wasn't. Scrap metal was. Oil they almost had a lock on. The islands north of Australia(all of them) that they had been taking were the oil they needed. We supplied most of the metal that actually built their war ships.
And don't forget rubber. Back in the day natural rubber was essential for sustaining a campaign.

[Thesifer]

And don't forget rubber. Back in the day natural rubber was essential for sustaining a campaign.

Now they have many options.. Sheepskin.. Latex.. or other types of synthetics to "sustain the campaign" :censored:

[cadetevon]

Best line of the entire bit:

Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
:lmfao:

[Houdini]

And you're right, the Japanese did not attack Pearl because of the activities in the Atlantic, they attacked because of the Imperialist actions of American in the Pacific. Our mounting economic pressures against them drove them over the edge. The Japanese had war sceneraios for everything. All of them named by color. If i remember right the one to attack Pearl was(not deragatory, but ironic none the less) 'Yellow'.

People also believe that it was the restriction of Oil that sent them over the edge. It wasn't. Scrap metal was. Oil they almost had a lock on. The islands north of Australia(all of them) that they had been taking were the oil they needed. We supplied most of the metal that actually built their war ships.

Huh? It sounds like by your own example the Japanese were the imperialists. They were the ones taking islands, etc.

[Thesifer]

Huh? It sounds like by your own example the Japanese were the imperialists. They were the ones taking islands, etc.


No no..


The islands north of Australia(all of them) that they had been taking were the oil they needed. We supplied most of the metal that actually built their war ships.

<sarcasm>The Americans were the imperialists because we were HOLDING BACK A RESOURCE TO TRY AND THWART THE JAPANESE EFFORT TO TAKE OVER OTHER ISLANDS!! :) </sarcasm>

You know.. Kind of like.. The Iraqis are the bad guys because they have oil and we want it! :P (just a joke not getting into the political side of that)