My broken heart

[ladyluck]

i really need help getting over my ex-boyfriend. we....actually HE broke up with me about a month ago, and i cant get over the fact that we are not together anymore. I was with him for 5 years. I'm taking this pretty hard, but when we talked it seems like he really didnt care. or maybe he was hiding his feelings, pretty much he got over it and has now moved on. but i cant move on, i try so hard not to think of it and keep myself busy. its just not working, my attitude has changed towards people, i dont feel like doing anything. my friends always ask me to hang out but i end up saying no. i know this is silly or high school stuff and i need to just get over it but i really thought things were going great between us. i guess not. i guess i'm asking is how would you deal with it. im not ready to date or looking for anyone. i feel so down. any advise would help alot. thanks :sad:

[psycho-]

Sorry, but should this be moved to softer side or S/NSS forum?


I any case, remember; there are more people out there that you'll meet. I think you should go hang out with the friends to get your mind off of him

[ladyluck]

ok...how do u do that then!!

[psycho-]

Gotta ask the mod. :-P By the way. I'm guessing you're probably under 25. My theory is that people are still being molded at the age; before they become slightly set in their ways. People will change for the better or worse.

But, who you are, what you value, your integrity and your outlook in life are being formed. Figure yourself out while you have time.

[gwilks98]

You're probably having the same problem as everyone else who gets dumped: no closure. The only thing you can do is come to terms with the fact that it's over and quit wondering what went wrong.

Go give yourself a hobby that is completely unrelated to your everyday life. Go mountain biking. Take up karate. Start playing guitar. Whatever you do, don't do it at home-there's too many memories there.

The gang here is pretty good about letting you cry on a shoulder, so no worries.

[kain9i6]

Everything you are feeling is completely normal. Most people cannot shut off the feelings they have and will feel the ripple effect of it for a varying amount of time (depending on the person of course.)

I went through a similar situation (girlfriend broke up with me) and I too am going through similar effects. Friends asking me to go out and I say no.. right now I'm more focused on getting my life back in order rather than hanging out... however, there needs to be a happy medium in this. While it is good to have your alone time, do try to realize that your friends enjoy your company and are worried.. don't deny them your company because of how you are feeling. It may not seem like it would help, but deep down it does, just knowing that through all you are experiencing, that there are people who truly care about you. Take the relationship as an experience in life and let it guide you to a richer, more meaningful life. Dwelling on the past and what you wished could be will only make it harder for you to let new people into your life as right now, i'm assuming, all trust with people (new and old) is pretty much gone and it seems much easier to crawl into a hole and shelter yourself from any further heartache and loss. Loss is an inevitable part of life and the sooner one realizes that what doesn't kill them only makes them stronger, the better one can feel about themselves and life in general.

A lost love may just be a stepping stone to a love more rewarding...

[dougadam]

There are many fish in the sea.

[mcs328]

Pick up a hobby or a sport. I don't know why you broke up but the best revenge is living well. Anything you can do to improve yourself? Not for someone else's benefit but for your own. You'd be surprise who or how many jump out of nowhere when you can confidently flash a smile and mean it.

I'd help ya but I'm getting married. Maybe there are some single G|A men on here in your location. Post a pic ;) *cue the angl2b alarm bells/spidersense*

[ufcrusher]

Nickel would tell you to .....Hit PB bar and Grill and find the guy who looks most interesting to you and take him home, jump his bones, and enjoy the ride...if she knew what PB bar and grill was.

Honestly, you just need to realize that if he doesnt want to be with you, he doesnt want to be with you. The guy most likely gave you some reason...it could have been something as trite as him wanting to hit 20 women by his 25th birthday. It could be something as real as he realized he didnt have those feelings for you anymore. Whatever his reasons, its over. Even if he said, I want a break....its over. Go out, have a good time, and try to forget about him.

You could even do the pick up someone who looks like him, lead him on, and then dump him. Not fair to the guy, but if you are vindicitive it might help.

And yes, this should be in the softer side.

[kain9i6]

I do hear this book is good too.

He's just not that in to you (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068987474X/qid=1134073574/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-3591559-6254404?n=507846&s=books&v=glance)

Haven't read it, but apparently men can get good info out of it too.

[Grimm]

A month is long enough to be sitting on your butt doing nothing about it. Time to get back up in the saddle. You need to start going out again. It doesn't have to be "dates" but it does have to be time spent with other people. Hang out with your friends, do something. Heck you can even hang out with my friends if you like.

Ladyluck, you're invited to go see The Chronicals of Narnia with us on Friday in Mission Valley. We are going to a late showing, a little more than a dozen of us. Most of us are probably older than you, but you are welcome to come along. PM me today so I can go pick up your ticket if you want to go.

[sizemic1]

Like what others have said...what you're going through is completely normal. And ultimately..the only thing that will make it any better is time. I know it's especially hard around the holidays, but you'll get through it and will become a better, stronger person because of it.

Good Luck..

[psycho-]

Off topic a bit; but sizemic1, where do you work? I have so many coworkers that live in Temecula but work here in SD.

[CornMonkey]

i would have to agree with everyone else who said to start going out with friends again.

more than what you feel like doing, you gotta do what you need...and that's getting your mind off of your circumstances. it's of no use sitting at home pondering at the "why's and how's" of what happened. believe me, your friends are trying to make themselves available to you by asking you to join them. that doesn't mean you spend every single minute crying about the breakup in front of them, but use the time to enjoy something that WILL last...your friendships.

[Kim]

I'm sorry you are going through this, it sucks, I know. As it has been said, it takes time to heal, but eventually you will stop hurting. Good luck to you!

[sizemic1]

Off topic a bit; but sizemic1, where do you work? I have so many coworkers that live in Temecula but work here in SD.
PM

[kgsilvas]

Sorry about your down times following the breakup. I agree with those above that are telling you to get out there. Just have some fun with people and you'll be surprised how quickly your overall outlook can improve.

[surfer]

Go do something fun and forget about him. There is an ice skating rink at Horton Plaza!

[mcs328]

I sense a SD G|A get together...

[kgsilvas]

I sense a SD G|A get together...
Maybe Cheapie & friends could fly out here for this one too!

[molecularfire]

Yeah it sucks that your heart is broken and like everybody else says it is normal. GF broke up with me in March and I'm still not back to normal (or what is relatively normal for me). Keep busy... I find immersing myself in work helps... not as much fun as hanging out with friends but you don't have to worry about those looks of pity... Do what you want and don't worry so much about moving on... you'll move on when you're ready. Try to regain enjoyment in things that you used to enjoy but don't force it. No point in replacing one lie with another. One nice thing about wounds... assuming you don't die from them... they usually heal over time.

[Butch]

Nickel would tell you to .....Hit PB bar and Grill and find the guy who looks most interesting to you and take him home, jump his bones, and enjoy the ride...if she knew what PB bar and grill was.


:stupid:
Some wise advice I saw in a bar recently . . . http://static.flickr.com/32/55241083_18006fd953.jpg

Although, my serious side must kick in and say I'm sorry to hear about the pain. Five years is an awfully long time! I hope you will just remember and enjoy the good moments you had and take lessons from the bad ones to make sure that your next relationship is as successful as you could ask for :)

[psycho-]

Maybe Cheapie & friends could fly out here for this one too!


Hahha..I've deftly avoided (to Ray's and spigs chargin) get togethers.

[ladyluck]

A month is long enough to be sitting on your butt doing nothing about it. Time to get back up in the saddle. You need to start going out again. It doesn't have to be "dates" but it does have to be time spent with other people. Hang out with your friends, do something. Heck you can even hang out with my friends if you like.

Ladyluck, you're invited to go see The Chronicals of Narnia with us on Friday in Mission Valley. We are going to a late showing, a little more than a dozen of us. Most of us are probably older than you, but you are welcome to come along. PM me today so I can go pick up your ticket if you want to go.

Thanks Grimm- but i work till 8pm tomorrow.. i would like to go and get my mind off things. my job is one of them that keeps me busy, also i started to work out...with everyones responses i feel a little better. thanks everyone..i should be ok in a few months or so:)

[Grimm]

Thanks Grimm- but i work till 8pm tomorrow.. i would like to go and get my mind off things. my job is one of them that keeps me busy, also i started to work out...with everyones responses i feel a little better. thanks everyone..i should be ok in a few months or so:)
No problem. The showing we are going to is after 10 pm. ;)

[angl2b]

Pick up a hobby or a sport. I don't know why you broke up but the best revenge is living well. Anything you can do to improve yourself? Not for someone else's benefit but for your own. You'd be surprise who or how many jump out of
nowhere when you can confidently flash a smile and mean it.

typical male - women do not want to hear - so what are you doing to improve yourself? What if it was the man that needed improving and was just a scumbag for not staying with her?

She's a woman - plenty of men would want her - that's not the issue.

Issue is that she misses the guy she loves - someone that she thought was forever - devoted herself to him and never thought it would end. It did and now she misses him. It is an emotion that is so strong that she doesn't care if another man wants her or interested. She's NOT. She wants to know what can she do to make this hurt go away. Because the pain is like a twisting knife and she has no idea why it ended and how to end this agony.



I'd help ya but I'm getting married. Maybe there are some single G|A men on here in your location. Post a pic ;) *cue the angl2b alarm bells/spidersense*

If you want to leave say so. I am not going to stop you. I know you are only joking around but sometimes if you joke too much - you know what then leave. I do love you though - so you better stop.


NOW that I got all of that out. Lady Luck. I am sorry that you are in such pain. I am sorry that the guy you love was such a jerk to leave you. I can not express my deep sympathy (which I am sure you do not want). All I can say is - I have been through it to. The person (mcs) that I am marrying soon waited for 3 years for me to let this hurt go. It is not an over night process and nothing in the world can make it go away. We can preoccupy your mind and tell you to keep busy but in the end you are still going to feel empty. Just know that there are those that love you that will help ease this sorrow.

[adjaw]

Her ex sounds about as bad as mine

[brainsmile]

get them together!

[tupacboy]

ladyluck... if ur in pasadena or la... ur more then welcome to join me and my friends...

tomorrow = narnia
sat = go to a art show then watch anticon perfom
sun = vinyl art show

:)

pm me if you like

[hapoo]

ladyluck, can i suggest just one thing... DONT go out with anyone until your over him. Its not fair to the other person or yourself because your still not detached from your ex. Not to mention the fact that most people end up doing things they wouldn't normally do out of bad feelings, which in turn ends up making you feel worse in the long run. As others have suggested, find a hobby, turn that negative energy into something possitive and productive.

[brainsmile]

just use them :)

[PoorAvatar]

:lmfao:

I've heard it takes half the time that you were with someone to get over them. So for you that would be 2 1/2 years (and that's only if you don't see them, hear them or smell them). It's only been a month, and I know this sounds old, but time really does help, friends & family too. Be easy on yourself and maybe take time to figure out why you didn't see it coming but most of all be good to yourself, do the things that make you feel good, happy & lot's of laugher.

[Freelance Superhero]

pooravatar above me beat me to it, but aside from agreeing with almost everything that's already been said, i was only going to point out that it's only been a month.

after being in a 5 year relationship, i would be a little worried for you if it took less than a month to recover from it. be brave, be strong, because eventually, the pain will go away, but yes, it will take some time (recovered victim of a 4-year relationship speaking here). try some of the suggestions others have made; it will make the time pass in a much more enjoyable fashion. and a :hug: every once in a while doesn't hurt either...

[zenbooty]

This thread is worthless without pics.

[mcs328]

This thread is worthless without pics.
:agree:

[adjaw]

LadyLuck,

The pain is overwhelming right now. Everyone tells you to just try to move on and forget it. I know that's impossible. You don't feel like going out with friends or family, I know. I don't have any solutions for you, I am going through the same thing right now. The feeling of hopelessness has taken over.
People will tell you the same cliches (you're better off, it wasn't meant to be, time for a new start, etc.). But in the end it still hurts tremendously. I wish I knew a solution. I wish we could snap our fingers and just forget. The fact is we'll never forget. If you need someone to commiserate with, I'm around.

[angl2b]

:agree:

:johnwoo2:

[le_stick]

buy some guns and go target shooting...great way to forget someone...

[JackHammer]

Friends are key. Don't shun them. You don't need to go to bars or clubs. Just hang out with friends for dinner or just over their house. Do stuff with your friends. Most of the time they will say things that will make you feel better. I've been in situations like yours and yeah it's not pleasant at all. Someone who has been such an integral part of your life is suddenly removed. It's a very bad feeling. Just believe that the feeling will pass. It might take a while but eventually it will pass. You just have to weather the storm and being with friends and family helps a lot.

[Lolita]

:johnwoo2:

How come you're always so angry with mcs?

[angl2b]

in actuality I am not angry at him - but whoever thinks so that is fine -
I am always like this with him and vice versa he provokes me...
but if we want to discuss this then I should start a thread on why I am perceived that way and so forth

[mcs328]

How come you're always so angry with mcs?

Probably cuz I deserve it. Isn't love grand? :love:

[angl2b]

Probably cuz I deserve it. Isn't love grand? :love:

:kiss:
you know I am not mad at you - you know I love you

I just prefer you to stop asking to look at other women's pics... :P
however if I see a pic and think its hot I would share that pic with you instead... :D

LOL

:kiss:

[dsuds]

ladyluck,

Sitting alone is not what you want to do. The feelings of loss will gnaw at you and make you a bitter person if you let it. Also don't go out and "use" a guy to get back at (or get over) your ex.... that's bad Karma.

I've always believed that you cannot be happy with someone else unless you are happy with yourself. Be with your friends. Do things you always wanted to do. If you like the outdoors, take a hike. More of a socialite, go on a wine tasting expedition. See a live show. It will take time, but the more of these things that you do, the sooner you'll establish your own identity again.

Also any chance of doing volunteer work? I know that when I'm feeling depressed, I feel much better if I get involved in a project that helps others. There are lots of different areas that need volunteers. Animal shelters, retirement homes, big brother/sister, the list goes on. This doesn't have to be a long term thing, just help serve a community meal one weekend. Or help with a neighborhood cleanup project. If it's physical labor then you can work out youranger & frustrations in a good way (I call it "working off a good mad"). And those feelings of depression will be replaced with the satisfaction of a job well done.

dsuds

[Freelance Superhero]

Friends are key. Don't shun them. You don't need to go to bars or clubs. Just hang out with friends for dinner or just over their house. Do stuff with your friends. Most of the time they will say things that will make you feel better. I've been in situations like yours and yeah it's not pleasant at all. Someone who has been such an integral part of your life is suddenly removed. It's a very bad feeling. Just believe that the feeling will pass. It might take a while but eventually it will pass. You just have to weather the storm and being with friends and family helps a lot.:agree:

the worst thing you can do is hole yourself up in your house and give yourself nothing to do but think about it. i'm not saying you should run away from your problems, but you will never beat the pain if you are constantly wallowing in it.

[PoorAvatar]

LadyLuck, how you are holding up?

[ladyluck]

LadyLuck, how you are holding up?


i just wanted to let everyone know that.............im expecting!! im really excited...i told my ex (and yes hes the father LOL) he was frustrated which then turned into tears then he apologize...and now hopefully we can work on things....i just wanted to thank everyone...its good to know that i can count on good people for support. thanks :)

i bet everyone didnt expect to hear this....

[nickel]

not to be blunt but.... a baby isn't really a bandaid for a relationship.

i just hope things work out. have a healthy baby ladyluck.

[Grimm]

He's going to resent you for doing what he will later see as you forcing him back into a relationship.
Not saying that was your intent, but that's how he will see it.

Good luck with your baby though.

[ialsohaveadream]

He's going to resent you for doing what he will later see as you forcing him back into a relationship.
Not saying that was your intent, but that's how he will see it.

Good luck with your baby though.
Yeah, Grimm pretty much nailed it. Adding a baby to your next breakup will only make it that much worse. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but there's a very good chance this is going to end VERY badly.

[PoorAvatar]

Yikes and congratulations! Keep in mind, a child is forever, regardless of wether you stay with this person the rest of your life, be prepared mentally, emotionally and financially to raise this child alone. Then if this relationship doesn't work out, you will be okay AND I agree with what everyone else said. If you can do that, then there is no greater miracle than a child... that is until they are teenagers... :). Best of luck and much happiness.

[Freelance Superhero]

oh my god... just, wow...

i sincerely wish you the best of... um... luck, ladyluck ( :hmm: ). just be careful, because what the others have said is pretty sensible stuff.

[brainsmile]

don't bet on this helping you stay together.

[oblongmelon]

Pick up a hobby or a sport. I don't know why you broke up but the best revenge is living well. Anything you can do to improve yourself? Not for someone else's benefit but for your own.

I agree wholeheartedly!..think of the break up as a second chance..you know, to try new things, meet new people...BE FREE...
don't mope. It's not good for the soul.

Wow..I just saw that whole thing about being expecting..Do yourself a favor and don't use a baby to get this guy back. IF he dumped you-you were lucky. Get him out of your life now before he screws up the lives of you and your child and move on. Sorry to be so harsh but after working on the Maternity/Birthing/OB/GYN units for so many years-I saw alot of girls come through with rose colored glasses. In your best interest right now-make him a lesser part of your life.

[zero2dash]

The only thing I can really add is that you need to make sure that the baby comes first...if you and him can reconcile just out of luck, then that's ok...but your priorities are the baby & caring for the baby. That means - having some sort of a relationship together, since whether you like it or not - you two are stuck with one another (because of the child) for the rest of your lives now. So be sure to work on reaching a common ground together, for the sake of the baby. (I'm sure you knew that all already though. :))

[surfer]

Congrats on the baby! Hope things work out for you.

[ladyluck]

i guess it came out wrong...i was excited when i was typing. we arent together or have plans to get back together. yeah right he already broke my heart, i meant getting along. my baby will ALWAYS come first. sorry for the confusion...

[Grimm]

i guess it came out wrong...i was excited when i was typing. we arent together or have plans to get back together. yeah right he already broke my heart, i meant getting along. my baby will ALWAYS come first. sorry for the confusion...
Glad to hear it. You are a very wise young woman.