03-04-2004, 05:57 PM
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#1 |
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Admiral
  
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: NorCal
Posts: 6,124
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Bad Drivers of L.A. Unite!
Taken from Craigslist:
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER LICENSE APPLICATION: Name: ___________________ Stage name:____________________ Agent:___________________ Attorney:_______________________ Therapist name:_________________ Sex: [ ] male [ ] female [ ] formerly male [ ] formerly female [ ] both *If female, indicate breast implant size: _______ Will size of implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No Please list brand of cell phone: _____________. *If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:___________________________. Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply) [ ] Eating [ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Shaving (male or female) [ ] Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience) [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading Variety [ ] Surfing the net via laptop [ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading Please indicate how many times a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____ b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____ If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately: [ ] Call the police to report the crime. [ ] Call KCAL Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase. [ ] Call your attorney to discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through. [ ] Call your therapist. In the event of an earthquake, you should: [ ] stop your car. [ ] keep driving and hope for the best. [ ] immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones. [ ] pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9. In the instance of rain, you should: [ ] never drive over 5 MPH. [ ] drive twice as fast as usual. [ ] you're not sure what "rain" is. Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______. Are you presently taking any of the following medications? [ ] Prozac [ ] Zovirax [ ] Lithium [ ] Zanax [ ] Valium [ ] Zoloft [ ] All of the above [ ] None of the above If none, please explain: __________________. Length of daily commute: [ ] Less than 1 hour * [ ] 1 hour [ ] 2 hours [ ] 3 hours or more * If less than 1 hour, please explain: __________________________. When stopped by police, you should: [ ] pull over and have your driver license and insurance form ready. [ ] try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway. [ ] have video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit. When turning, you should always signal your intentions by: [ ] using your directional signals. [ ] what is a "directional signal"? Which part of your car will wear out most often? [ ] the horn [ ] the horn [ ] the horn The "bright" setting on your headlights is for: [ ] dark, poorly lit roads [ ] flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way [ ] revenge! Your rear view mirror is for: [ ] watching for approaching cars [ ] watching for approaching police cars [ ] checking your hair
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I think over again My small adventures, my fears. The small ones that seemed so big, For all the vital things I had to get and to reach. And yet there is only one great thing, the only thing: To live to see the great day that dawns, And the light that fills the world. -old Inuit song |
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03-04-2004, 06:53 PM
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#2 |
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Chief of Naval Operations
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: LEVITTOWN< PA> USA
Posts: 13,621
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very Funny!!
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“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.” (Winston Churchill) |
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03-04-2004, 07:34 PM
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#3 |
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Admiral
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 7,223
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you forgot one of the activities during driving...
http://www.gotapex.com/forums/showth...threadid=72470 (Woman uses sex act as manslaughter defense) |
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03-04-2004, 09:35 PM
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#4 | |
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Captain
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Austin
Posts: 1,660
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lol, that is a instant classic. So sad and true.
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Quote:
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03-04-2004, 10:27 PM
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Rear Admiral Upper Half
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: deep in the throat of ... cali?
Posts: 3,027
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heh.
 hooray i qualify!
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-[ www.dankink.com ]- Quote:
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03-05-2004, 07:43 AM
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#6 |
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What's Da Pho*?
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: SoCal (714)
Posts: 13,296
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Damn I wouldn't pass this test to qualify as CA driver.
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Dell Dimension 9200 | Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600 (2.4GHz) | 4x1GB DDR2 | 256MB nVidia GeForce 8800GT Dell Studio 17 | Intel Core i7-720QM (1.6GHz) | 2x2GB DDR3 1066MHz | 1GHz ATI Mobility Radeon HD 4650 Intel P4-C 3.0GHz | ECS 865PE-A | 3x512MB PC3200 | 128MB PNY GeForce 6600GT 
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03-05-2004, 12:33 PM
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#7 |
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Admiral
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: California
Posts: 6,681
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Sad, sad and wrong. But so so true.
 
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"I remember my first orgasm, I just wish someone was there to share it with me..."11-05-2003 05:33 AM - Topane They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Benjamin Franklin Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, & the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opiate of the masses. - Karl Marx Hell is other people - Jean-Paul Sartre 
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03-07-2004, 06:55 PM
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#8 |
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Lakers fanatic
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: L.A. ->SoCal<- O.C.
Posts: 7,338
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I don't get it.
 -jel 
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NBA REPORT 10-11/ The 3-Peat! 1948 1949 1950 1952 1953 1954 1972 1980 1982 1985 1987 1988 2000 2001 2002 2009 2010 Reigning NBA CHAMPS! |
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03-11-2004, 04:48 PM
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#9 |
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Ensign
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 15
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LOL. I'm only pass half of the test.
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Linear Mode
