RoniMan

[in comic guy's voice]best cartoon ever

let's narrow some of these threads down. only simpsons quotes for this.

**************
guru - you may ask the great guru three questions.

apu - good, cause i only have one.

homer - wait! let me go first. are YOU the great guru of the quickie mart?

guru - yes.

homer - YOU?

guru - yes.

homer - really?

guru - yes. thank you come again.
**********************

coleslaw

Mr. Burns: Idiot! Use an open-faced club, like a sand wedge!

Homer: mmmmmmm... Open-faced club sandwedge...



Bart (on phone): I'd like to speak with Amanda Hugginkiss.

Moe (out loud): Yeah, I need Amanda Huginkiss... I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss!

Bart (hangs up phone): hehaha!

__________________
A priest, a paladin and Varimathras walk into a bar...

RoniMan

Moe: why can't i find Amanda Hugginkiss?

Barney: maybe you're setting your standards too high!

(sorry, not trying to be anal or anything.)

pennypinch

• But I don't even believe in Jebus!
• Hot Stuff, comin' through!
• He didn't give you gay, did he? (that one may be a little inaccurate)
• H: No beer and no TV make homer something-something...
  M: Go crazy?
  H: Don't mind if I do!! BllaH! Wooga wooga!
• Ralph: I'm going to iron you!

More as I think of them...

[Edited by pennypinch on 09-11-2000 at 03:20 PM]

RoniMan

i am so smart! i am so smart! S-M-R-T...i mean S-M-A-R-T!

i bent my wookie!

and then the doctor told me i wouldn't have so many nosebleed if i'd just keep my finger out of there.

now mr. simpson, why do you want to be a big brother?
(thinking) don't say revenge! don't say revenge!
(out loud) revenge
(thinking) that's it! i'm out of here!

vietgrrl

Me fail English? That's unpossible! (Ralph)

att

homer-if i cant see you, you cant fire me (i think)
then he ended up eating like thirty vats of toxic waste
i tried that one too with the same results

spigidygak

[homosexual steel worker]Hot stuff coming through![/homosexual steel wokrer]

*Ralph and the class on a field trip at the post office. Picks up a package in dead letter room. Dogs start barking at the box* "I got dog food."

__________________

spigidygak

*Homer at the post office trying to get Mr. Burns' mail* Hello I'm mister Burns.

*mail worker* What's your first name?

*Homer* I don't. . . know.

Y2J

Marge: Mmmm ... who left these muddy claw prints on my clean floor?
Homer: Sorry, Marge. Pinchy got all dirty in the yard chasing
birds. But don't worry! I put him in a nice, hot bath.
Bart: [sniffs the air] Hey, what smells so good?
Homer: Yeah ... Pinchy? Pinchy!?! Oh ... Pinchy!!!!!
[he runs out of the room worried]

Later that night, Homer is crying at the dining room table, taking
bites out of Pinchy's dead body while the family is watching.

Homer: [eating, crying] Oh, man, that's good. [sob] Pass the
butter.
Bart: Are you gonna eat that all by yourself?
Homer: Uh-huh. Pinchy would've wanted it this way. My dear, sweet
Pinchy. [takes a bite] No more pain where you are now, boy.
[rips him in half and sucks out the meat inside]
Oh, God, that's tasty! I wish Pinchy were here to enjoy
this.
[takes more bites] Oh, Pinchy ...

__________________
http://www.goclippers.com
The Ultimate Fan Experience

hapoo

*Homer stands at the end of a table and raises his cup for a toast*

H- if I could say a couple words . . . I'd be a better public speaker.

*everyone just looks at him except for bart who's cracking up*

Y2J

Voice: Thank you for calling the parking violations bureau. To
plea `not guilty,' press `one' now.
[Homer dials `one']
Thank you. Your plea has been...
Male rough voice: [the man's voice is gruff] Rejected.
Convenient voice: You will be assessed the full fine plus a small...
Male rough voice: Large lateness fee.
Voice: Please wait by your vehicle between 9 AM and 5 PM for
parking officer Steve...
Male rough voice: Grabowski.

They expect me to sit here from nine to five? That's how many hours? [Homer
checks his wrist watch] ten, eleven, denominator, er... Where's Lisa when you
need her?!

------------------------------------------------

Homer: [licks Klauh Kalesh] That's just awful.
[soon, Homer has finished the `awful' snack, and is licking the
stick to get every last morsel.]


Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice...

--------------------------------------------------

Homer: Ah ha! I've got it! Brain, how can I ever thank you?
Brain: Just don't bump me on your way out of the car.
[Homer gets out of his car, bumping his head on the way out]
Homer: Sorry.

BeansBaxter

Jebediah: [on film] A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
Edna: Embiggens? I never heard that word before I moved to Springfield
Ms.Hoover: I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word.

Homer: You su-diddely-uck, Flanders! [grabs a bell from him] Hear ye, hear ye! Ye olde town crier proclaimed crappy by all! Chooseth Homer Simpson, and he shalt rock thy world!
Wiggum: Good God, he is fabulous.
Skinner: Yes, he's embiggened that role with his cromulent performance.
Quimby: Top-notch criering, I admit, but the hat and bell belong to Ned Flanders, so no dice.
Ned: Oh, they're just family heirlooms. They shouldn't stand in the way of Homer taking my job.
Homer: Less chat, more hat.

IrishSS

Bart: I'd sell my soul for a Formula one race car.

Devil Flanders: That can be arranged...

Bart: Nope, changed my mind.

------------------------------------

Drill Sargent: Well, since you're from the public school system, I assume you're already familiar with small arms and semi-automatic weapons. So we'll start you off with the grenade launcher.

Bart: Cool!

(Shoots four perfect shots, then misses the last one, hitting the elementary school.)

Drill Sargent: Well, pretty good. But you missed the last one.

Bart: Oh did I?

spigidygak

WOO HOO, look at that blubber fly.--Homer at the doctor's office.

zenbooty

(Homer to Alec Baldwin + Kim Basinger) "If you didn't want people searching through your garbage and snapping photos of your private moments, then you should have never tried to express yourselves creatively!"

(Thug kid) "Hah Hah, your Ma's a Jailbird!"
(Bart nods head, then looks up) "Hey, wait a minute, so's yours!
"uhh, oh yeah. Wanna be friends?"

(in the hippy episode, Barney, having drunk beer spiked by Homer, starts tripping and seeing various frightening images...)
"Oh no, what's going on? Oh, I know what to do!!!" (Proceeds to pound beer)
(Soon, a large pink elephant kicks down the door) "Geez! I thought you'd never get here!" (elephant tramples the hallucinations away)
"Thanks!"
(elephant tips his hat(!)) "Righto, chap!" (and exits)

See? Some very subversive, practical wisdom from your friends at FOX!

__________________
Common sense is what tells you the Earth is flat.

coleslaw

Ralph (in school 'state' play): I'm Idaho!

coleslaw

Homer: Carnies have small hands and smell like cabbage!

(at least, I think that's something like that)

spigidygak

Homer--"It says it's for dogs, but she can't read." *Homer, picking up a squeaking rubber pork chop to buy for Maggie.

Jeffbx

(Homer, to himself)
"OK brain, I don't like you and you don't like me. Now let's get this over with so I can get back to killing you with beer."

(Homer's brain)
"Deal!"

[Edited by Jeffbx on 09-12-2000 at 06:23 AM]

coleslaw

Homer (drunk, letting Barney borrow the car): "Don't forget to bring back my car back tomorrow!"

subabonbon

"I think my job here is done."
"You didn't do anything!"
"Didn't I?"
-The Monorail Episode

subabonbon

That's from Austin Powers...
Austin Powers: There are only two things in this world that scares me and one is nuclear war.
Basil: What's the other?
Austin Powers: Huh?
Basil: What's the other thing that scares you?
Austin Powers: Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.

coleslaw

I could have sworn that it was in the carnie episode... hmm, oh well...

quest577

The best part about this quote was the high-pitched voice that Homer used

quest577

Sorry to call you on this 'slaw...but this is from Austin Powers:



Although the Simpsons Carnie episode was mad funny

quest577

Homer - That's a good idea Marge, in theory, but in theory communism is a good idea....in theory..

Blu

"Why should the race always go to the swift, the jumble to the quick of wit? I say cheating is the gift man gives himself!"
---C. Montgomery Burns

And of course my sig

__________________
Up above
aliens hover
making home movies
for the folks back home,

of all these weird creatures
who lock up their spirits,
drill holes in themselves
and live for their secrets

coleslaw

ok, you guys shot down my last misquotation, so maybe you can help me on this one. i know for sure that it is from the simpsons. it is from the episode in which bart and lisa live with the flanders for foster care and ned discovers that bart and lisa have never been baptised. he takes them down to the river to do the deed... homer and marge hop in the car to get their kids back, but the flanders are no where to be found. homer says something along the lines of: if i were ned flanders, where would i be? oh, look at me! i'm ned flanders... blah blah blah... THE SPRINGFIELD RIVER!!!"

does anyone know what he says exactly?? this has been bugging me since this thread was started!

spigidygak

Homer--"It's a handgun! Isn't it great? This is the trigger, and this is the thing you point at whatever you want to die.
Marge--Homer, I don't want guns in my house! Don't you remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns?
Homer--I thought Smithers did it.
Marge--That would have ade a lot more sense.

**********************************************
Cashier--Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.
Homer--Five days? But I'm mad now! I'd kill you if I had my gun.
Cashier--Yeah, well, you don't.