Itsme

10 Things You Can Do With Your Old Xbox

Your old Xbox is getting evicted from the entertainment center, but where should it go? We'll tell you…

Stuffmagazine.com, 12/20/2005
Scott Jones

Now that we made room in our lives for the slim Xbox 360, we realized nobody ever told us what to do with the old Xbox. So we called a local gaming store and asked the clerk what we should do with it. He said something unprintable—think grandmas and corn oil. Indeed, the big, honking black box with the Day-Glo green X has been totally hogging up our entertainment center for the past three years, and no, we're not unhappy to see it finally go, but before you deposit it into the nearest garbage can, we've come up with a few viable alternatives…


1. Transform your wheezing Xbox into a rip-ass, old school arcade machine with this do-it-your-damn-self kit—it'll only set you back $999—from Dream Arcades. You'll be the envy of your dorky gaming friends whenever they visit…and the scourge of ladies everywhere. Ouch!

2. Paint your old Xbox stark white and sell it to your weed-fried neighbor as a Xbox 360. Tell him it "fell off a truck" and that you're giving him the "friend price" of $600. Score!

3. Better yet, paint it silver and sell it to your other weed-fried neighbor as a "pre-beta, Japanese Playstation 3." (Be sure to use those exact words.) We wouldn't accept less than $1000 for such a rare piece of illegal equipment. Score!

4. If you find yourself driving in snow country this winter, put the Xbox in your car's trunk to provide extra weight to keep you from sliding on snow-covered roads. As Uncle Billy Gates always says: Safety first, kids!

5. Hollow out the insides, cut out a few holes in the chassis, then attach your Xbox to your hamster's Star Wars–themed Habitrail. The Xbox makes for a terrific hamster Death Star. "You have failed me for the last time, Captain!"

6. Works great as a dedicated porn-only DVD player. Why? Because it's handily disguised as a game machine. (They'll never suspect a thing, you wank-fiend!)

7. Take it out behind the woodshed, and whisper to it, "See all the happy game machines out there in the woods, little buddy? See how they're all laughing and playing? Even the Jaguar 64 is out there! Run out there and join them. Run!" Then fire a .22-caliber bullet into its hard drive.

8. Fill each and every input port with M80s. Light them. Run like Master Chief is behind you with a sac full of plasma grenades.

9. Remove the processors and hard drive, cut a hole in the top, attach tubes to each of the controller ports, and voilà—you've got a four-person hookah. Next stop on your puffy journey: The hostile but lovely ring-world of Halo…

10. Fill it with Smartees and use it as a piñata at your next birthday party. Because nothing says "winner in life" quite like the sight of a blindfolded 30-year-old man trying to beat the **** out of an old video game machine with a baseball bat.

If none of these options work for you feel free to stick it in the "old ass systems" drawer next to the your Gamegear and Neo Geo. Don't pretend like you don't remember…

zero2dash

2 more:

11. Put a mod chip in it (after you cancel Xbox Live 'cause you don't use it) and start running homebrew apps and emulators. <--What I'm going to do

12. Keep playing all the great games on it including the upcoming soon-to-be-greats like Black because it's still a kickass system and the graphics it's putting out (in 4th gen titles) are beating the pants off of most games off other systems (including it's successor). <--Also what I'm going to do

Bires

Stuff = dumb.

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Five years...

DarkFury

Donate it to me so I can give it to DFJ.

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ialsohaveadream

Stuff = so dumb, they spell it "dum".

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Web log

ribitch

i sold my olb xbox on craigs list. i sold 4 controllers, my av cables, and teh xbox for 125.

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http://ribitch.com/ipod.html

SnowSurfer

i softmodded mine last week and put a 120gigger in it...now i play backed up games from the harddrive..

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I have an athlon xp 2500+ ... aren't you glad you know that?

Grimm

Now that is funny.

13. Keep it and continue playing games on it because it's still a perfectly good gaming system.

ray

Only thing you should do with your XBox:

1) Keep it until the Xbox360 is actually worth purchasing.

BigJon

14) Give it to me.

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DarkFury

I still got first dibs though.

See post #4

BigJon

I know...but that's only if they don't pick options 1-13.