gwilks98

I really cared for her, but she couldn't even schedule a date with me 24 hrs in advance without being extremely late.
All of our mutual friends didn't know we were dating. Her family had no idea she was seeing me. I don't like being hid either (I hide crap I'm ashamed of)

I told her whatever her problem was, that we could work through it. She said that she was horrible to me and she was being selfish, and she broke it off because she said she couldn't change. (What I heard-She couldn't make plans with me or share her deeper feelings with those closest to her.)

It seems like the strangest breakup I've ever been through. Mostly because she had told me one night before this all happened that she "needed me, and she's never needed anyone like this before." You'd think that if you need someone, you'd do anything to keep them. She felt so bad about breaking my heart that she couldn't even look me in the face while we were talking.


I'm not sure how to take this: She's got a heart of gold, so I could see why she'd break up with someone for their benefit, but I could also see her lying to keep me from being extremely hurt for the real reason why she's breaking up with me.

Does anyone here think she had an ulterior motive for the breakup, or is this behavior somewhat normal?



Utterly confused,
Wilks

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LPMiller

sucks.

Either she has some real intimacy issues which is scaring her off (she is overwhelmed by her feelings) or she is a psyhco chick playing with ya.

I'd go with the former. Hard to say, without knowing her, what you should do - Somethings are worth fighting for, some ain't, all up to you.

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"The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference." - Calvin and Hobbes

hapoo

Generally I think its very very difficult if not impossible to change people. If this just an intimacy issue you might have a chance, but it doesn't sound like thats the only problem.

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Tak

If you don't mind my asking, how long did you two date? Did she give you any reason as to why she hadn't told family or friends about you?

ufcrusher

Sorry to hear that, but in my opinion there are probably some ulterior motives involved here. Since the only information I have, is what you gave us, I see several possibilities.

First, there is the possibility that the reason she never told anyone and let you go, is that while you felt there was a relationship and you were seeing each other, she did not. This is not insinuating that you are crazy or anything, but there could have been a misunderstanding. She may have viewed you as a friend, possibly with benefits, while not wanting anything more, and you could have viewed it as a relationship. This would certainly explain the not telling people and keeping it hidden. It would also explain why she felt the need to break it off, when one person is feeling more than the other, its only fair to cut it off.

Second, there is the possibility that she has been actively out on the market pursuiing guys. In that instance, she would have benefitted from keeping you hidden because there would be no baggage from friends or family when she suddenly had a new beau. This would explain the inability to set up dates even right before that time, the being extremely late, and the sudden inability to see you anymore.

Finally, she could honestly have some severe emotional issues that preclude her from being with anyone. The best thing you could do is tell her that you are there for her if she needs a friend, and try to help her through it at her own speed. But the reality is, it would probably not be fun for you, nor something she is willing to tackle, if she hasnt attacked it already. But its really up to you.

In my opinion, you should probably chalk this one up to experience, go party with your friends to blow off some steam, and just chill out. when you are ready, grab your "fishing rod" and head out on that proverbial sea of life, and catch your self another pretty lady. (Anyone who had sick thoughts when I said grab your fishing rod, should slap themselves silly right now, that was inncoent)

Just my opinon from what you said, you can take it or leave it as you may.

hapoo

To be perfectly honest, i didn't think of it that way till you said that.

ufcrusher

Guess that just shows that I have lived with lewd people for way too long. Anything and everything that can be taken a different way, will be, so i am used to covering myself for unintentional humorous mistakes.

Grimm

To be perfectly honest, i didn't think of it that way till you said that. [/b][/quote]

Hapoo, you lie like a dog.

gwilks98, There is no good explination for what she did to you. By that I don't mean that I don't know why she did it, I mean that any way you look at it she is a bad situation waiting to happen.
Get some distance in there. You don't want to be near that person until she does a lot of growing up or gets some serious psycological help, maybe both.
If she doesn't have enough respect for you to let people close to her know that you are the one she chose as her boyfriend, then there can be no serious relationship.

She was propably just using you for sex anyway.

hapoo

Hapoo, you lie like a dog.
[/b][/quote]


Hey, thats why my name is Hapoo (means puppy in persian)
But really, i sware i didn't think of it till he said it.

gwilks98

Hey, thats why my name is Hapoo (means puppy in persian)
But really, i sware i didn't think of it till he said it. [/b][/quote]


hahaha, yeah, but I did.

Anywho, I talked to her last night (over IM-I hate that). It turns out that while we knew each other since last June, I (We) scared the crap out of her by how quickly things moved. We had two hookups before we got together and it was tough then keeping the chemistry fires under control.

What seemed like the main reason was she felt like she was losing her freedom to her feelings and she's as free spirited as they come.

So I guess I'm going to find out in a month or two if she really wants to continue seeing me. Probably best, anywho. I need to focus on school this semester.


Is there something wrong with a guy at this age who wants a stable steady relationship? Seems like every girl I run into just wants something to pass the time and not progress. They say males have a fear of comittment. But from what I've seen the past 6 months through various g/f's is that they want a guy there to relieve physical needs while they persue a private life of education and carreer. My how the roles have changed....

for20

[quote]Originally posted by gwilks98

Quote:

Seems like every girl I run into just wants something to pass the time and not progress.

Sounds like someone needs 2 whip U in2 shape boy

gwilks98

I was never into the S&M thing...

but this girl did have handcuffs....

kain9i6

Hey.. at least she didn't tell you one day that you were her whole world.. She couldn't live without you.. she'd kill herself if anything should happen to your relationship.. Then 2 weeks later, dump you for your roomate..

OR

At least she didn't ask you to marry her.. then one day decide to move to Washington without telling you until she asks you to drive her to the train station, wondering why all of her stuff is being put in your car.. THEN get there, not call you for two weeks.. THEN come back (without telling you) and become an adult model (can be seen in hustler gold)/Porn actress.. (look for Bunny Luv)..

oh no.. this didn't happen to me.. (yes it did.. i'm in denial)..

oh yeah.. at least you didn't walk in on your VERY FIRST GIRLFRIEND having sex with another woman (BEFORE YOU AND HER EVEN HAD SEX).. hmmm..

I sure know how to pick 'em eh??

I wonder what the next one is going to be??

for20

for20 proceeds 2 whip everyone that has the gall 2 continue reading this thread