IntegraTypeR

This guy and I have been going out exclusively for the past 3 weeks. I thought things were going pretty well. We get along and have plenty to talk about. Tonight he told me that he "wasn't looking for anything serious." Now correct me if I am wrong, but isn't it already partially serious if you are seeing someone exclusively? What am I supposed to do now? I am definitely not looking for marriage or to even move in with him. All I might have hoped for was a relationship eventually. Is that called "serious"?

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Joshua

In my experience, telling a girl that you're not looking for something serious means that you're hoping for casual sex. Don't worry though, because often, if you go that route things end up solidifying. If your not that kind of girl then dump is ass.

Good luck either way.

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Jihforce

personally, i think that he wants to back out. Keep it casual without cutting loose completely. I don't know if he's hoping for casual sex, but I do think he's keeping his options open. Like he wants to hook up with other women and still have you around kinda thing. There's also the other possibility of him just not feeling like dating seriously at all.
Personally, I wouldn't invest the time with people who aren't looking to solidify a relationship. It would be like spending the best years of your life on someone that didn't have the same level of commitment as you do.

nickel

yep, he wants sex and no commitment
cut and dry

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cheapie

not necessarily. he might just be....ok. you're probably right.

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Cubsfan

Was this expressed or implied? If it wasn't expressed, then maybe he didn't think it was exclusive and just didn't happen to have any other dates for 3 weeks. :puzzled:

revil

Oh please. everything to nickelback is about sex.

nickel

and it isn't to you, one with a lesbian avatar?

cheapie

burn.....

revil

Yes? But when I look at them I think, "damn they're cute," not, "I so wanna f*ck them."

nickel

guess what? they don't wanna f*ck you either

cheapie

revil

Is that supposed to be a comeback or do you like stating the obvious?

I feel sad for you if you think that every guy thinks about sex when they see good looking girls.

tweeteresa

there ARE ppl out here who hears/sees things like that and NOT think "daym i wanna f*ck her/him." it's not always about sex.

anyhow...back on topic: yea...being exclusive does imply u are serious, at least to some extent. but like cubs said, was it expressed or implied? another thought is, yea maybe he did change his mind, or something better came along. guys do date girls "for the moment" to speak. but yes, i wouldn't waste my time on someone just for fun and games. u can do better than that. u are worth much more.

cheapie

i'm kidding dude. i'm that way also most of the time. sometimes. almost never.

IntegraTypeR

It was explicitly decided by both of us that we would date exclusively. We had decided that we wouldn't see anyone else. Hm, maybe he's changed his mind now and decided that he wants to go find other girls to have casual sex with? I don't know. It just makes me mad that if this doesn't pan out, I wasted my time on this guy when I could have been spending my time with someone who was more worthy. I'll have to have a chat with him about this tonight b/c it is really upsetting me.

stay tuned for details ...

Jihforce

If the decision to date exclusively was mutual, then I think he wants to jump ship. Be thankful that it was only 3 weeks of your life, not 3 years. Let us know how the talk goes. Good luck!

le_stick

IMHO, if you can spending time with someone else who worth more than
this person, then you should bail out. And like others have said,
you are lucky that you only have to waste three weeks instead of
3 months/years.....let's dump his $ss and move on. Good luck

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nickel

not every guy does, but most do, unless they are gay.

revil

Grow up and stop being so immature. I told cheapbastard i'd feel sorry for him if he felt that way, but I won't say that for you because you're too horny and sophomoric to realize the truth. You can flame on like you have been all you want. You may think your making me mad or whatnot. Good for you. In all honasty, I don't really care what you say because I never liked you and probably never will unless your attitude changes.


As for your situation Integra, this may very well be a problem of how you two view a serious relationship. Your views may differ which may make this situation seem rather confusing. (ie: He may view a serious relationship as makin' babies and you see it as dating eachother exclusivly, etc.). The best way to figure out what he's think and why is to ask him. It's better to fully understand them then to second guess.

johnnymk

When I was dating lotsa women, I developed an instinct about what women wanted.
There were some women who had some definite plans about the future almost right from the start.
I didn't stay around too long with these kind of women. They literally scared me away.

I don't know if this is the case or not with you.

But I do agree with nickelback about the sex thing. I thought that all girls knew this.

LPMiller

Dating exclusively and Not Getting Serious aren't really the same thing, you know. He might just be saying that defensively - are you all I love you all the time? Touching him constantly? Calling him at least twice a day? Possibly, just possibly, he is really saying he wants a little space. You might be moving to fast for him.

Dating exclusively - to a guy - just means, "i'm not shopping around." Serious means, "Someday, I'm a gonna marry that there woman!"

He just might be setting those boundaries. By all means, talk about it. But keep in mind 3 weeks - no matter how good or how bad or how whatever - is still just 3 weeks.

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nickel

you need to grow up, and accept your sexuality.
i never liked you either. you are just plain odd.

do me a favor and put me on ignore.

revil

I couldn't have said it any better myself. I still don't see why so many people automatically think it's about the sex.

nickel

maybe it's because they are looking at your avatar?

zenbooty

If you enjoyed your time with him, and had fun and life was good, how was it a waste of 3 weeks?

I never understood how women can just toss away so much romantic experience as "wasted time" just because it didn't go all the way to a wedding ring. Its that attitude that scares a lot of guys away, IMHO.

Like the last girl I dated for a good length of time. I could just sense in her that she was more interested in "catching a man" than catching me personally. Like I was more of a placeholder in her life where the "husband/fiancee/steady boyfriend" should go, intead of someone she loved as an individual. I broke it off but wanted to remain friends, and we did for a short while, until the next man came along. Then I pretty much fell off the face of her world while she continued her desperate hunt.

I mean, I understand no girl wants to feel used by a guy just for sex. But once your exclusive with a guy for a month or so, isn't that experience worth something in itself, regardless of where it leads?

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Jihforce

Not everyone see relationships the same way. There's no handbook that says its a waste of time or not. In my opinion, when a person gets involved with someone and it doesn't work out, its better to cut loose. This is a preference thing, I would never spend more than 2-3 years with a woman and not marry her. If she isn't the one in 2-3 years, chances are, she isn't gonna be the one 5-7 years down the line. You only get older and as you get old, your chances of finding someone diminishes that much more.

In Integra's case, I think 3 weeks isn't exactly a lot of time to decide whether you want to get serious or not, It should be given more time. However, if he's backing up and saying he doesn't want to get serious, and that's not what she wants, she reserves the right to move on and find someone that is looking to get serious. Its about finding the person who's compatible with you, not sitting around waiting for the person to be compatible with you, because that may never happen.

This may sound pretty harsh, but there isn't just ONE person in this whole wide world that is mean for us. If there were just one, then most of us would be single.

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tweeteresa

xept i think it applies to males too. it's not wasted time cuz from every exeperience, you get something out of it. whether it be you learn more about ppl, about yourself, and/or what it is you really want in a relationship with someone.

IntegraTypeR

Well he and I had a talk and it's just going to continue as it is for now (our current situation.) His current financial situation is stopping him from moving forward (beyond the obvious "I don't know if I want you for my girlfriend.") He seems pretty genuine and doesn't look like he is playing around (i.e. looking for better offers.) I guess I am OK with the situation and can only wait and see if it progresses further into a relationship -- not that I am sure I want a relationship with him. I just want to make sure that the possibility exists if I am so inclined to take that venue.