gear02

My oldest aunt on my dad's side had cirrosis, internal bleeding and a seizure on Thursday/Friday. She's currently in the hospital in ICU drifting in and out since her ammonia levels are high. I just talked to her daughter (my cousin) and she gave me a rundown of issues and possible courses of action. None sound good and safe, something like putting cathoders around the liver to cut off circulation to kill it or something. It's all high risk. She also had cancer (now in remission) which also prevents her from getting a transplant.

Also my cousin who's around 17-18 got into an accident. He fell asleep at the wheel and his car ran off the freeway. Luckily he only got a minor concussion but the car's totaled and he's not feeling great emotionally.

This is all happening in the SF area and I'm on the east coast. My dad is overseas and cannot get to SF easily. I've asked my aunts if there's anything I can do and if they wanted me to come over, but they said no.

This is really the first time I've had to deal with these issues. My mom's sister who was really close to me died when I was 17, but I really wasn't independent then. This time I am, especially since I'm the representative of my immediate family here in the states. What should i do? Fly out there?

brainsmile

wow sorry gear... hang in there

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SolidSnake

What can I say... I'm still young (not saying that you're not) I mean that well it hasn't happenned to me and the only advice i can give you is ... sleep on it and well... whatever your heart tells you is what you must do keeping in mind the consequences of these acts .... sorry to hear about this as BS said hang in there ... they say the darkest hour is the one before dawn...

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Gothic Girl

Okay wait. They want to put catheters around her liver to kill it? That doesn't sound very good at all. WTH would they do that? would they give her a new liver in it's place?

Sorry to hear all this. I hope your cousin who was in the accident is ok. Just be supportive and tell him that this kind of thing happens. Yeah, it's a bummer, but the main thing is that he's not seriously injured. A car can be replaced, a human cannot.

And to your final question, my answer is yes. Go. I would think that whether they say they want you there or not, you should be there. At least to show your support. I'm sure there are little things that need to be done that you could probably do, which would more than likely be a big help. Plus if it's not looking too good for your aunt, you could at least be at peace with yourself knowing that you were able to see her and spend time with her.

Jenny

Sorry to hear that If you can afford it, yes, go. Like GG said, it doesn't sound good for your aunt, so I'm sure your dad would appreciate your effort of going and being there for her.

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Kim

Your family is in my prayers.

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chrissy

How much family is in CA? Are you the only one to help them? What kinda help are you willing to do and would it help them or make them more stressed?

Only you know if they say "don't come" when they really mean "we are going down for the third time".

Aren't you moving? How would this affect you?

Your family is in my prayers

gear02

Most of my dad's family is over in the SF area. I really don't know what I would do if I went there, maybe just to be a comfort. My brother made an interesting point. I really wouldn't be able to do much over there, plus people would have to worry about me (i.e. housing, picking me up from the airport, etc). So I think I would be a hindrance rather than help.

I think the best thing I can do is stay here and call them daily.

Chrissy, what do you mean "we are going down for the third time"?

I am moving, but it's not until August, and at this point it doesn't affect that part of my life right now.

Thanks for your kind words guys

SolidSnake

I just want to say that it isn't a hindrance if you don't believe it to be... besides haven't you been working hard lately?? a little vacation would be suitable for you

chrissy

Going down for the third time is referenced to drowning. That they are in over their heads and need help.

I think I agree with your brother. If there are other family members that are there, let them help. Sometimes more help isn't really the best help.

welfareloser

that is the sweetest thing, dude. you have no idea how mature that makes you. seriously... there is nothing less helpful than relatives flying in "to help." you got it exactly right. (okay, maybe 1 in 100 are actually some help, but... ask someone who just had a baby how many of the "helpers" were more help than work.) so many people do it to make themselves feel better about the whole thing, without a thought as to whether or not they're actually reducing the stress level of the people whose feet they're under...

good luck, and hope it all works out well.

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gear02

Update: Got a call from my Aunt. The doctors have talked to my sick aunt's daughter about next steps and they suggested to stop treatment. She has three types of infections, one of which is essentially untreatable in her condition. They've removed all tubes and are making her comfortable. They've already set up funeral arrangements, and they think it may be tonight.

I have a question for you all. When is it alright not to go to a funeral of a family member? I don't really know her very well. Heck, I don't even know what she looks like, but I know her daughter (my cousin) vaguely. I asked my aunt if I should go over there and she said she thought it was far (San Francisco) and I have to work. I'm not sure how to make of it, whether she wanted me not to or wanted me to come anyways.

welfareloser

it depends on the family... if you're going to take enless sh** from a gramma, or worse, a mom, just go. but if the aggrieved aren't going to miss you, don't feel obligated. definitely send a nice card, tho. don't put that off. maybe with a gc for a meal of some sort to help them out.

gear02

Yeah...I'm not sure what my parents will tell me, but I believe my father isn't going to go (he's in Asia at the moment).

I think if I go, they will be happy, but if I don't go, they won't miss me. I think that part of the family is used to not having much participation from this side of the family.

SolidSnake

You can do whatever you want and ignore whatever we say if you want, but try doing what you think is right ,whatever your heart tells you , because we can say a lot of things , but the one with the decision is you... so think about it, it really doesn't make a difference wether you feel it's right or wrong, just whatever makes you feel good about yourself