Yossarian

My girl's mom is a rather devout Christian. Today she told her mom that I am an atheist. Her mom then proceeded to threaten to not pay her 21k a year tuition and/or kick her out of the house because shes dating me.

I'd say she likes me, what do you think?

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MikeD

Heh, she wouldn't be this lady would she?

http://www.gotapex.com/forums/showth...highlight=eyes (Trading Spouses)

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Grimm

She's not a devout Christian. She is a poser Christain. A real Christian would send her daughter on a mission to bring you into the church.
"No, you don't have to convert, but it would be nice is you showed that you care enough about my daughter to come to church with her"

nickel

not all real Christians are into converting people Grimm.

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MikeD

OK, we're threadjacking now.

Umm, I think that's a slanted view of "real Christian". I don't think we all must try and get others "...into the church".

BigJon

Well...it sounds like she really didn't take that too well. Yeah, in a perfect world, she'd just love you anyways...and yes kind of like Grimm said, she would probably try to bring you into Jesus. But it does sound like her views on Christianity are a little skewed. Most "devout christians" aren't really as "devout" as they think they are.

Have you thought about sitting down and having a talk with all of them? Why did your girl just blurt out that you were an atheist?

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Yossarian

her mom asked what my views are. i did offer to sit and talk with them, but they are an hour and a half away from my school, and i can't leave just yet. that and i think things need to cool down before we have that chat

kgsilvas

Hmmmm. Not so much I'd guess. How long have you and your girlfriend been together?

Winston

if i raised my daughter as christian and found out her boyfriend was atheist i wouldnt want her seeing him either.JMHO

brainsmile

Maybe she's actually opposed to tall people.

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Thesifer

I'm agnostic, but I dated a girl in high school that was a devout catholic, and her mom never had a problem with it. Later on they ended up not going to church anymore and changing their religion , so that probably had something to do with it, but either way, she wasn't scared of me.

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cheapie

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Memo

Eh, she maybe a Christian but she's also a human, so when she spends her life raising her daughter a certain way and develops an image of what she would like to have her daughter to be and that is threatened by some guy, she's going to be upset. I'd give it time. If you really care about the girl then stick wiht her and try to show her parents that you treat her right. If that doesn't end up working, then I'd say it's not worth to continue the relationship.

cheapie

the bigger question is why you would want to get involved with someone whos paradigm is in direct contrast to yours?

Butch

The daughter's is not in direct contrast . . . it is the mom's that is. While the mom may want her daughter to date a christian, it is not fair for her to demand it and hold her daughter's tuition/home over her head in order to make it happen.

That is purely selfish and ridiculous imho.

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cheapie

if the daughter is a christian then her outlook is vastly different than that of an athiest. fair? as a parent you can stipulate the conditions under which your child lives with you and is supported by you.

MikeD

One item of note is that Yossarian didn't say how involved the relationship was. Dating for a few weeks? Months? Years? Engaged? Unless they're deeply involved (i.e., possible marriage), I think it's wrong for her to hang the tuition over the girl's head. Education is for a lifetime, relationships often come and go.

With that said, it's worth delving more into if the relationship is to continue. I, as a parent, would have some concern if my child was going to marry someone whose views were different to that extreme.

Whatever the case, good luck bro. Hope it works out.

Butch

I don't agree that a christian's outlook is necessarily vastly different from an atheist's - everything is a matter of degrees.

Just because the girl was raised by a very christian mom does not mean that she shares her beliefs (at least not with the same conviction) - in fact, I would think this situation pretty much confirms that.

Now, of course the mom has the right to do what she is doing, but I still believe it is selfish and ridiculous.

cheapie

what? they are by definition in direct contrast!

Butch

In my view, it's not so black and white to be able to be considered a 'definition' situation . . .

It all depends upon how highly you value religious beliefs when trying to define who you are.

Personally, I don't consider my beliefs (or lack of beliefs) in a higher being to be one of my defining characteristics . . . the whole thing doesn't really matter much to me . . . certainly not so much so that I would consider someone who felt differently to be diametrically opposed.

Now, of course there are people who very highly prioritize their religious beliefs in defining themselves - I don't doubt that we would have very little common ground. However, for the vast majority of the population, I think I would have enough common ground with them to not consider them to be from an opposite paradigm.

All a matter of degrees if ya ask me . . .

cheapie

lol. but you don't define yourself as an athiest as yoss does. or a christian as his gf likely does.

if you are a christian the most important thing for you to do is "Love the Lord your God with all your heart..."

as an athiest you don't believe in a God.

those are pretty contrary don't you think?

if you claim to be an athiest but have no firm view regarding the existance of a God, or claim to be a Christian but don't subscribe to what Jesus said was the most important piece of following Him, then I would submit that you are neither an atheist nor a Christian.

and believe me, i'm not judging anyone. i am NOT claiming to always follow the Bible to the letter. i'm just saying that there's no way to reconcile the two diametrically opposed views.

Butch

I consider myself a true atheist . . . what am I supposed to do other than not believe in a higher being? . . . but if I were to identify the traits or characteristics that I feel most clearly define who I am, my atheism would fall somewhere higher than my feelings on Guns 'N Roses and somewhere lower than my feelings on Capitalism and Democracy.

As far as I am concerned, someone being religious is a bit more opposite to me than someone who likes the Backstreet Boys more than GNR . . .

Now, it seems you have a fairly strict definition of christian - but I think most people in the US would self-identify as christian and very well may not meet your definition. I suppose those people may be the religious equivalents of my atheism in your mind. If that's the case, then by your definition of christian and athiest, I suppose you are correct that they are opposite. That feeling also seems to apply to the gf's mom. However, it very well may not apply to Yoss and the girl.

I'm not trying to judge either . . . just noting that people have different priorities and value certain opinions or feelings more highly than others. Not everyone considers their religion or lack of religion to be their most important character trait . . . so, I doubt they would consider opposite beliefs on that issue to be sufficient to consider someone from a completely opposite paradigm. That's all I'm trying to say

cheapie

if it's ok, i'm going to rely on the Bible's definition of a Christian rather than an atheists, fellow apexer or otherwise.

ialsohaveadream

Yeah, she could very well have been just as revolted if you were black. I think it's more that what she believes about her daughter is shaken than what she thinks of you, Yoss.
Really, only in one respect. I've dated an atheist, and it was months before the subject even came up (and only then because she saw me reading a book on religion). Unless you're one of those "There's Jesus and then the rest is just details"-type people, faith really doesn't come up all that much.
Agreed. But considering how old her daughter is, I find it far more likely that the daughter is old enough that she'll either a) rebel against her mother or b) learn to keep such things secret from her mother. Either that, or the daughter will just come to her senses and dump Yoss's ass for other, more legit reasons.

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InfiniteNothing

Here's the bright side: you get to find out if you're worth 21K/yr (+ interest).

On another note, her parents will likely loose a dependant on their tax forms if they don't pay up. If they make bank, it

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LegendKiller

My fiance's mom doesn't know I am agnostic. If she did she would think I am nuts. Not that she doesn't already think that but the whole religion thing might take her off the deep end.

InfiniteNothing

You can, but would you risk your hypothetical daughter's education. That seems like going too far.

cheapie

lol. if the woman thinks her daughter's soul is in jeopardy then i'm guessing yes....she'd risk the education.

ShawnLee

Good for her mom exercising her parental rights. At least this is being discussed. I'm with Cheapie here, Christianity is obviously important enough to her that it be an issue, so Yoss' beliefs are completely opposed to hers by definition.

Now, where Yoss' girlfriend stands on the issue, that's a different story. If she doesn't agree with her mom, then Yoss isn't the problem.

It looks to me like Yoss is just the method through which the mom learned of her daughter's beliefs. Sucks all around, but should lead to some good self-discovery on the mom's and the daughter's parts, and some good discovery in terms of their relationship.

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attgig

total thread jack by a few people. same on them.. =P

anyways, imo, that sucks. I wish that parents would realize that immediate (aka thoughtless), drastic, & many times empty threats aren't always the way to get a point accross... (i'm sure i'll do it too when I cross that road... *sigh*).


At a certain point, the parents gotta let go - know that they did what they could during the 18+ years of their life in raising them properly, and then be able to let go - trusting in the foundation they laid down, and letting them to live out that inside.

imo, the mom is secondary. are you worth the 21k. are you worth her beliefs. is she worth your beliefs (or lack there of). rubber meets the road.

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