IceDaJuevos

Trying to succeed at what i'm currently studying in college has been ripping apart my mind. While i am gaining knowledge, the negative effects have become increasingly injurious, so much so that i can barely function anymore. I gave it all up for a chance for academic excellence...my hobbies, my spare time, potential relationships...and the worst case scenario has happened--I did not attain my academic goal and I now have no one to turn to.

My only escape is sleep. My parents think I'm lazy. But it's my only escape...sometimes my mind feels so clouded I get a headache and all but lose the ability for complex thinking. My personality has completely changed. I can't enjoy what I used to anymore. The only thing that warms my body is the bright shining sun, and even then, I am hidden from it most of the day.

Afraid that the harmful effects on my mental health will become permanent, I tried changing majors. But each time, my parents, whom I trust, have persuaded me not to change...that I should continue what I am doing. Damn it. They do not believe in mental health...or psychologists, for that matter. Perhaps that is why my father disuaded me from that line of work, which I once had great interest in. "A dime a dozen," he once said. I don't agree with what my parents say. I try to voice my own opinion, but they do not listen. They affirm that they always know better, that they can see down the road because of their experience. That is the only reason why I listen to them still--I do not want to lose the potential benefit of their experience.

However, I still somehow trust them. If I listen, which I still do, I have to believe. It is somehow engrained in my head that they know me better than I do. As if going against my own judgment isn't bad enough, believing them continues to rip my mind apart, thread by thread. I once tried to explain that my mind is unwell...that I am on the verge of becomming destructive. My father passed it off as a desire to be rebelious.

My mind hurts so much right now. I don't know what to do. Its as if I can't think for myself. I told my parents I need to be independent now, that they've trained me well enough that I can take my own steps. They disagree. I really don't know if they say what they say simply because it relieves them of their duty or because it is something I should really learn. Even if it is the latter, I can't take much more of it now. I am really up against that line, about to fall down and possibly never return.

There's so much more to say, but I cannot write anymore now. It hurts too much.

Nija

I'm going to make some guesses:

-You're studying engineering (common major)
-You're Asian (sounds stereotypical. Well, maybe Persian, but I don't have enough experience with them on this board )

I can't really offer any advice that you might take, so I'm sorry.

All I can offer is: try to enjoy yourself, because when you go bat-**** crazy, life is going to suck.

__________________

"Nija is the dark soul of gotapex. We don't like to talk about him." - LPMiller

mcs328

My dad wanted my brother and I to go into Electrical Engineering. My older brother felt the way you did. I went into Mechanical Engineering but in my 3rd year switched to Business which gave my older brother a shield or an excuse to switch to Computer Science. Yes my dad was disappointed to put it mildly but we both graduated and have jobs in a field we enjoy which I think is the most important thing you have to remember. Yes my dad brings it up once in a blue moon but he didn't complain that much when I helped pay for his truck after I graduated.

__________________

Mommypooh

I'm sorry! I have no idea what you must be going through. I hope things work out though. My parents never cared. I personally say do what you want to regardless of what they want, but I have no respect for parental figures.

__________________
Married to my High School sweetheart and Best Friend BigJon
Mommy to Gabby (03/03), Cameron (01/05), and Magnus (09/07)

kgsilvas

Wow, you should go to a peer counselor on campus or see if Student Health Services offers mental health assistance. Before you make life changing decisions, you should be in the proper place mentally. Good luck.

gear02

have you thought about taking a break from school and take a semester leave? It might be worthwhile for you to sit down and figure out what you really want.

zero2dash

See if you can pick up the pieces and continue on in some way or another...either more studies or applying the knowledge you do know in a job that you will be skilled at. Don't let the time spent go to waste.


Welcome to my world.
Sleep is the greatest gift in the world to me. (Well, aside from my wife & daughter.)


Let your parents think what they want; you can't change their minds for them. All you can do is show them that they're wrong and make them re-think things. Tell them how you feel if you feel like they're being hard on you.

As for the sun...I highly suggest you get out and get some [sun]. Or at least open the curtains/blinds/shades etc and let some into your home for as long as possible. It's scientifically proven that sunlight helps people feel better.


Your life is yours to do whatever you want with it. Your parents should not dictate what you do with your life; that's your decision. Don't let them make decisions for you - if they (currently) do, then take the reins away from them and take control of your own life and your own future. That's the best advice I can give you on that thought.


If your parents don't believe in mental health or psychiatrists, then I'd suggest they go see one and get evaluated. Seriously.

Again, you need to take control of your own life and make your own decisions. Just because they're your parents doesn't mean they "know better". I can speak from experience...for instance, my father verbally abused me when I was a child...he would scream at me right in my face and I grew up scarred because of it. Do you think that I believe my father knows best for me since he (obviously) did the wrong thing back then? Hell no. *I* know what's best for myself and no one else.


First of all I'd recommend you remove yourself from this stressful situation. Take a vacation or get out of the contact/reach of your parents. Whether that means moving out, unplugging the phone, or staying at a hotel for a few days - get on the ball. All they're doing is hammering into your brain that they know what's best for you, which has you sitting in this idle position where nothing is getting done and you're not working towards a solution.

Granted, your parents are being parents (in some ways), trying to look out for you and (what they believe to be) your best interests...but what they (obviously) fail to realize is that their opinion isn't the one that is best for you and they won't take 'no' for an answer.

Again - take control of your own life.
If you need to talk to a counselor then I'd suggest you do it. I don't know if you have any thoughts (suicidal) but if you do, get help now.

I wish you the best of luck...
take control and steer your life towards the direction that you want it to go.