Thoughts on long engagements?

ryan_self · 11-03-2006, 02:38 PM

For those of you who are married..how long were you engaged? Benefits/drawbacks of long/short engagement times?

I thinking 16-24 months...too long? Too short? Trouble?

InfiniteNothing · 11-03-2006, 03:05 PM

I think short engagements are happier. If the wedding will be small 6 months is good.

Prngr44 · 11-03-2006, 03:14 PM

I was engaged for 11 months...

KIISQueen · 11-03-2006, 03:14 PM

my opinion is a good 1 year

Jenny · 11-03-2006, 03:52 PM

Scott proposed just after Valentines Day and we were married mid-August... So.. I'm probably not the best to comment on long engagements.

jaja · 11-03-2006, 05:11 PM

I will say 1 year is the most.

Nija · 11-03-2006, 05:17 PM

The longer the engagement, the longer you have to escape.

riskykougra · 11-03-2006, 08:17 PM

renovation · 11-03-2006, 08:30 PM

Was engage for like 18 months but at the time I think it was the best idea! And now been married 26 plus years.

Freelance Superhero · 11-03-2006, 08:56 PM

i had a close friend who was engaged to her fiancee for about a year and a half, due to time constraints in regards to grad school. they just passed their one year anniversary, and they couldn't be happier.

i think they would have gotten married earlier if they could have, but extending the engagement didn't seem to have hurt their relationship any.

as with many things, i think this is really something you can't generalize. you have to sort of take it on a case by case basis.

avlena · 11-03-2006, 10:41 PM

we were engaged for about 1.5 yrs, and it was nice - first 6 months we just enjoyed being engaged, and then we went into wedding planning mode. I think a year would've been better, just because you'd have less wedding planning to deal with!

Anything longer then 2 years and it seems pointless, like why bother being engaged if you're not doing anything about it. You have to deal with people always asking: "sooo... when are you getting married?", and by the time you get married, it loses some of the excitement.

mcs328 · 11-03-2006, 11:00 PM

more than a year. Gave us time to plan out everything and gather enough money to pay for everything.

ryan_self · 11-06-2006, 08:10 AM

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and advice.

johnnymk · 11-06-2006, 08:56 AM

I was engaged for nearly two years. It was enough time to make me come to my senses and completely get out of the relationship.

baggio248 · 11-06-2006, 09:47 AM

We were engaged for 4 mo. It was nice because we didn't have to think about all theplanning for a long period of time, but it sucked because we didn't get to be engaged for a long time.

utcpal · 11-06-2006, 01:21 PM

1to 1.5 years max according to me.. (Ofcourse, it depends on how long you've been in that relationship too!)

Jihforce · 11-06-2006, 04:51 PM

7 months. just enough to plan a wedding and get married. I do think the longer it is, the worse off you are off.

Mommypooh · 11-06-2006, 05:50 PM

well we decided to get married in September he didn't propose until December 25, and we got married on January 25. It was hard to plan the wedding in one month but pulled it off nicely.

I would think 6 months to a year would have been good for us, but we were on a time frame. had to be married by march.

angl2b · 11-07-2006, 01:47 PM

1 yr 3 mths
A lot of time to plan everything - research prices and save money.

bachviet · 11-07-2006, 03:42 PM

Less than 6 months

welfareloser · 11-09-2006, 12:53 PM

i think it's silly to be at all worried about the length of engagement... who cares? whatever works for the two of you.

ShawnLee · 11-15-2006, 06:45 PM

I was thinking about this, and remember that I was once told to not have too long an engagement, lest there be a bun in the oven as we walk down the aisle, but then some don't worry about such thngs.

InfiniteNothing · 11-16-2006, 08:00 AM

I've never really figured out how rushing to get married legitimizes the baby. The baby does not know or care if it's parents are married and when it grows up, it will do the math.

WhiskeyPapa · 11-16-2006, 10:27 AM

I guess it all depends on what an engagement means to you. In my family, an engagement is a commitment to marry. It's not a "trial period" to see if this is the person you want to marry. So the length of the engagement is pretty much determined by how long it takes to plan a wedding (barring external circumstances like school.) My wife and I were engaged three months. My son will be getting married in January, after a 15 month engagement. His was longer because of his fiancé's college.

pesematology · 09-19-2007, 09:15 AM

To me and my beau, engagement is the step between the evaluative stage of the relationship (do i really want this?) and the actual marriage. it's when we've both decided that this is the relationship we want to be in forever, but we're still grappling with how marriage affects our identities, and we're still building collective identity to present to the world. so, in the sense that we've agreed to marry, we're engaged. but we haven't set a date yet or even announced it or purchased any rings, because we want to start the marriage off with a strong definition of who we are and what we want our life together to be like.

oblongmelon · 09-19-2007, 10:30 AM

One year.

Maarchk · 09-19-2007, 11:58 AM

A year seems good. Sooner isn't bad if you can plan all your wedding stuff out. Much longer seems like you aren't really into it i think. its like. oh yeah we'll get married one of these years. I think the shine wears off by that point.

it also depends on the situation. Some people get engaged to show the commitment because they are in grad school or far apart and they want to get married but it is not practical at the time. That makes sense to me that it take longer. But if you live together or near each other, i dont know why you'd want to wait years if you have decided you want to marry.

Murriecula · 10-04-2007, 02:54 PM

I say circumstances dictate what you need. Sometimes you have to move fast sometimes like finishing college there may be a delay. Lots of people mentioned time related to planning a big wedding. I am a woman and never thought much of the big wedding. I work with a woman that put off getting married for a few years because she couldn't afford the extravagant wedding she dreamed of. Finally at 30 she decided that marriage was the goal not the wedding.

Personally - at my advancing age (45) if I decided to get married I would probably plan something for family in 30-90 days and just DO IT !!!

uncledaddy · 10-04-2007, 09:59 PM

Never saw this one.

I was once engaged for nearly three years.....long enough to spend almost $6,000 on a wedding that never happened. (She kicked me out on my birthday and someone else moved in)

ShawnLee · 10-05-2007, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uncledaddy

Never saw this one.

I was once engaged for nearly three years.....long enough to spend almost $6,000 on a wedding that never happened. (She kicked me out on my birthday and someone else moved in)

Ouch...

11-03-2006, 02:38 PM	#1
ryan_self Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Virginia Posts: 636	Thoughts on long engagements? For those of you who are married..how long were you engaged? Benefits/drawbacks of long/short engagement times? I thinking 16-24 months...too long? Too short? Trouble? __________________ "I feel bad for those people who don't drink, because when you wake up in the morning that's as good as you're going to feel all day long" --Frank Sinatra

11-03-2006, 03:52 PM	#5
Jenny Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: Kansas City area Posts: 10,947	Scott proposed just after Valentines Day and we were married mid-August... So.. I'm probably not the best to comment on long engagements. __________________ Check out my spoilers for over 20 shows @ SpoilerFix.com Check out my TV blog, where I post weekly & daily TV schedules, TV news, interviews with TV stars & more! All new TV forums as well @ TV Is My Pacifier

11-03-2006, 05:17 PM	#7
Nija Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: May 2001 Location: City of The Dead Posts: 13,552	The longer the engagement, the longer you have to escape. __________________ "Nija is the dark soul of gotapex. We don't like to talk about him." - LPMiller

11-03-2006, 08:17 PM	#8
riskykougra Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Too close to the North Pole. Posts: 562	__________________ I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

11-03-2006, 08:30 PM	#9
renovation Admiral Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: You could pick up Lindsay Lohan for less than a intel 990x, and still have money left over to bail her outta jail Posts: 5,029	Was engage for like 18 months but at the time I think it was the best idea! And now been married 26 plus years. __________________ You could pick up Lindsay Lohan for less than a intel 990x, and still have money left over to bail her outta jail

11-03-2006, 03:05 PM	#2
InfiniteNothing Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: San Diego Posts: 10,086	I think short engagements are happier. If the wedding will be small 6 months is good.

11-03-2006, 03:14 PM	#3
Prngr44 Rear Admiral Lower Half Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: St. Louis Posts: 2,620	I was engaged for 11 months...

11-03-2006, 03:14 PM	#4
KIISQueen Rear Admiral Upper Half Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 3,985	my opinion is a good 1 year

11-03-2006, 05:11 PM	#6
jaja Lieutenant Junior Grade Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 191	I will say 1 year is the most.

11-03-2006, 08:56 PM	#10
Freelance Superhero Optimus Prime Join Date: May 2002 Location: in bed Posts: 4,116	i had a close friend who was engaged to her fiancee for about a year and a half, due to time constraints in regards to grad school. they just passed their one year anniversary, and they couldn't be happier. i think they would have gotten married earlier if they could have, but extending the engagement didn't seem to have hurt their relationship any. as with many things, i think this is really something you can't generalize. you have to sort of take it on a case by case basis. __________________ "I can't believe you can eat that; it looks like abortion." - Augusta, of the Tard-Blog

11-03-2006, 10:41 PM	#11
avlena Captain Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: So-Cal Posts: 1,691	we were engaged for about 1.5 yrs, and it was nice - first 6 months we just enjoyed being engaged, and then we went into wedding planning mode. I think a year would've been better, just because you'd have less wedding planning to deal with! Anything longer then 2 years and it seems pointless, like why bother being engaged if you're not doing anything about it. You have to deal with people always asking: "sooo... when are you getting married?", and by the time you get married, it loses some of the excitement. __________________ Have a groovy day!

11-03-2006, 11:00 PM	#12
mcs328 Admiral Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Maryland Posts: 6,578	more than a year. Gave us time to plan out everything and gather enough money to pay for everything. __________________

11-06-2006, 08:10 AM	#13
ryan_self Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Virginia Posts: 636	Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and advice.

11-06-2006, 08:56 AM	#14
johnnymk Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: May 2000 Location: LEVITTOWN< PA> USA Posts: 13,621	I was engaged for nearly two years. It was enough time to make me come to my senses and completely get out of the relationship.

11-06-2006, 09:47 AM	#15
baggio248 Captain Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Aurora, OH Posts: 1,967	We were engaged for 4 mo. It was nice because we didn't have to think about all theplanning for a long period of time, but it sucked because we didn't get to be engaged for a long time. __________________ Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind! Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love. Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

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11-06-2006, 01:21 PM	#16
utcpal Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 654	1to 1.5 years max according to me.. (Ofcourse, it depends on how long you've been in that relationship too!)

11-06-2006, 04:51 PM	#17
Jihforce Vice Admiral Join Date: Jan 2000 Posts: 4,352	7 months. just enough to plan a wedding and get married. I do think the longer it is, the worse off you are off. __________________ Auto Leasing Info @ RIDEwithG.com \| My Food & Travel Blog

11-06-2006, 05:50 PM	#18
Mommypooh Commander Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Columbus, Ohio Posts: 1,425	well we decided to get married in September he didn't propose until December 25, and we got married on January 25. It was hard to plan the wedding in one month but pulled it off nicely. I would think 6 months to a year would have been good for us, but we were on a time frame. had to be married by march. __________________ Married to my High School sweetheart and Best Friend BigJon Mommy to Gabby (03/03), Cameron (01/05), and Magnus (09/07)

11-07-2006, 01:47 PM	#19
angl2b Overstock junkie Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: wherever mcs resides :) Posts: 920	1 yr 3 mths A lot of time to plan everything - research prices and save money. __________________ Love is something that is not expected but given freely-when received it touches you in a way it makes you cry...

11-07-2006, 03:42 PM	#20
bachviet What's Da Pho*? Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: SoCal (714) Posts: 13,296	Less than 6 months __________________ Dell Dimension 9200 \| Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600 (2.4GHz) \| 4x1GB DDR2 \| 256MB nVidia GeForce 8800GT Dell Studio 17 \| Intel Core i7-720QM (1.6GHz) \| 2x2GB DDR3 1066MHz \| 1GHz ATI Mobility Radeon HD 4650 Intel P4-C 3.0GHz \| ECS 865PE-A \| 3x512MB PC3200 \| 128MB PNY GeForce 6600GT

11-09-2006, 12:53 PM	#21
welfareloser Grand Moff Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: jabba's palace. (yes, i do... and no, you can't.) Posts: 9,718	i think it's silly to be at all worried about the length of engagement... who cares? whatever works for the two of you. __________________ Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life. ~ Leo Buscaglia http://www.welfareloser.com http://gotapexblogs.net/users/welfareloser/

11-16-2006, 08:00 AM	#23
InfiniteNothing Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: San Diego Posts: 10,086	I've never really figured out how rushing to get married legitimizes the baby. The baby does not know or care if it's parents are married and when it grows up, it will do the math.

11-16-2006, 10:27 AM	#24
WhiskeyPapa Rear Admiral Upper Half Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: 45° 11' 35" North Latitude, 95° 8' 37" West Longitude Posts: 3,427	I guess it all depends on what an engagement means to you. In my family, an engagement is a commitment to marry. It's not a "trial period" to see if this is the person you want to marry. So the length of the engagement is pretty much determined by how long it takes to plan a wedding (barring external circumstances like school.) My wife and I were engaged three months. My son will be getting married in January, after a 15 month engagement. His was longer because of his fiancé's college. __________________

09-19-2007, 09:15 AM	#25
pesematology Plebe Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1	To me and my beau, engagement is the step between the evaluative stage of the relationship (do i really want this?) and the actual marriage. it's when we've both decided that this is the relationship we want to be in forever, but we're still grappling with how marriage affects our identities, and we're still building collective identity to present to the world. so, in the sense that we've agreed to marry, we're engaged. but we haven't set a date yet or even announced it or purchased any rings, because we want to start the marriage off with a strong definition of who we are and what we want our life together to be like.

09-19-2007, 10:30 AM	#26
oblongmelon Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: In a nutshell Posts: 9,678	One year.

09-19-2007, 11:58 AM	#27
Maarchk Rear Admiral Upper Half Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Where the east meets the west. Posts: 3,066	A year seems good. Sooner isn't bad if you can plan all your wedding stuff out. Much longer seems like you aren't really into it i think. its like. oh yeah we'll get married one of these years. I think the shine wears off by that point. it also depends on the situation. Some people get engaged to show the commitment because they are in grad school or far apart and they want to get married but it is not practical at the time. That makes sense to me that it take longer. But if you live together or near each other, i dont know why you'd want to wait years if you have decided you want to marry. __________________ "The girl is crafty like ice is cold." "I left my heart in san francisco... And my liver at Moe's Tavern." A real friend is one who listens to you as much as they talk to you.

10-04-2007, 02:54 PM	#28
Murriecula Ensign Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: SWRC Posts: 7	I say circumstances dictate what you need. Sometimes you have to move fast sometimes like finishing college there may be a delay. Lots of people mentioned time related to planning a big wedding. I am a woman and never thought much of the big wedding. I work with a woman that put off getting married for a few years because she couldn't afford the extravagant wedding she dreamed of. Finally at 30 she decided that marriage was the goal not the wedding. Personally - at my advancing age (45) if I decided to get married I would probably plan something for family in 30-90 days and just DO IT !!!

10-04-2007, 09:59 PM	#29
uncledaddy Rear Admiral Lower Half Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: With Me, Myself, and I...wondering why we can't get along! Posts: 2,583	Never saw this one. I was once engaged for nearly three years.....long enough to spend almost $6,000 on a wedding that never happened. (She kicked me out on my birthday and someone else moved in) __________________

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