Maarchk

Oy, here's my sob story. I was bored online and found one of my old high school friends. We talk a bit and she's really sweet and funny. But in a relationship with a mean guy. Gives her a curfew, calls her stupid, all kinds of not good things. He finds that we've been talking, and calls and yells at her at work and tells her to stop, and she says no and they break up. They had been together 3+ years, lived together 1, and had broken up before a little because he was mean and she flirted with other boys to create friction cause she was ticked off.
We start dating, and its intense. She takes me home and we curl up and fall asleep together on the 2nd date. We have fun, are romantic, and do lots of things together for 3+ months. She tells me im' amazing and nice and she wishes we'd been together longer and all that.
Then she suddenly says, i feel shut down on you, i think i'm not over my ex. I don't feel anything for you. umm i think i don't want to be with you anymore. I'm trying to be the good guy, and say, ok i understand, can we be friends? And she says, well, to see you online or anything hurts me, so I doubt if we can really talk again. I was crushed, and yeah. still feel like garbage.
So its hard for me to reconcile those statements. I know when i break up or am getting over someone, my attraction button is in the off position even if its an amazing person. But at the same time i'll still talk to them, be their friend, enjoy their support. This was like she was attracted and now is afraid to be or something. I can't tell. I don't think she is going back to the ex, i hope not, he was a huge jerk. But i'm at a lost as to why we can't be friends or anything. and i'm at a loss cause i loved her hard and i feel empty inside. It may have only been 3-4 months, but we txted, imed, emailed, talked on the phone and it was like to love in a hurry and she called me the one and we chatted about where to get married, half joking, but also seriously considering it. So yeah.. tell me i'm dumb, tell me i should have seen it, tell me what she's thinking, i dont know. tell me something. maybe a good joke so i'm not hung up on this.

Thank you.
Mark

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renovation

she maybe a ab personally who needs to have someone in control of her every move. and you are not a controller . she may need to seek prof. help ! or she could be falling for you and unable to handle it becouse you sound like a real caring person.who not treating her like crap .and maybe your the first one she ever been with that has treated her as equal. also remember she went right to you with out a break from her last dip -hit. and this is
just now making her realize. she may need time to know if its true love or just rebound attraction !
but im a guy what do i know.

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uncledaddy

I agree with reno. I've been in 3 similar relationships with similar situations. At 40 I've just decided to quit trying to understand them. It seems like some women just need a controlling A-hole. My 3 girls keep me busy now and they are what I work for. Maybe a good woman will come along down the line but I just don't pursue anymore. I wish you luck man.

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ShawnLee

Some women like patterns of abuse - actually, scratch that. Some people do.

If she's not looking for the good guy here, and still wants the bad man... Well, that's her issue.

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Maarchk

Man that bums me out. But i think you all are right. Roniman said it last night, if someone does something wrong long enough, then when they finally act or get treated well, they think thats wrong. I think she just wanted to go back to being told what to do by a dominant albeit jerk boyfriend.

oblongmelon

Remember, there are two sides to every story..the grass is greener..etc etc...

johnnymk

Given the choice between a jerk and a nice guy, the jerk wins every time.

mcs328

How unbelievably true

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Sapphie

here ya go....

In a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.

His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is
cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little runt, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "'tis a shovel he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have some thing in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but quite useless in a fight."

RoniMan

so are u saying he needs a shovel? or a good breast?

actually, come to think of it, i think both would help him feel better.

=P

DarkFury

Both sides look "stank" to me on this one.

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Maarchk

Hmm, don't know if i know what you mean by that. guess i'm tired. Oh well. My plan for lent is to give up trying to check on her online and such for 40 days and hope that extends beyond that period because i'll have forgotten her by then. Thanks for the thoughts and everything.

I <3 my GA family.

DarkFury

Well... let's put it this way.

She's in a relationship (that's obviously bad), yet by her actions in the past (her flirting around to piss him off... then running back to him in the end), you kinda knew up front that she might be playin' ya as a sucker.

But as a guy... you might have been trying to be "Captain Sav'em"... yet honestly, she don't wanna be saved. Ultimately, you put yourself out there and end up getting squashed when she goes and does the 180.

Now granted, I don't know what your ultimate motive may have been...(long term relationship... or "hit it and quit it") but either way this girl by your writing above appears to be playing both sides of this... and that is "stank" in my book.

BigAl

Dude, Get away now and move on. She had deeper issues and will only drag you down.
Study Leykis 101.

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ray

"run motha***** run!"

Maarchk

Got it, and yes. You and Ray and Big Al are right. I should have known we were too fast and too deep and that she had past discretions and thus i could simply have been one.

I was trying to help her get out cause the boy is not nice to her, but i got too close and wanted to be with her. I would have been happy had she said, i rebounded on you, i dont want you, but we can be friends, but she wants to get closer to the ex and so i have been erased from her life. Awesome. I'm glad y'all know whats going on, cause i sure don't. Time for the strip clubs! or something.

DarkFury

Like Snoop said... "You can't love dem..."


As far as being "Captain Sav'em"... you gotta make sure that they wanna be saved first. She obviously don't and honestly, if she's like that, she deserves what she gets at this point.

Just be glad you found out EARLY before you had really invested alot of time, money and effort into this pointless cause.

As far as stip clubs go... well, $1 will make 'em holla but a $20 gets you into the "VIP section".

Prngr44

My guess is this story isn't over.

She'll come running back when her current relationship goes sour for whatever reason. The question THEN becomes, can you resist the temptation!

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Maarchk

I was listening to the song No self esteem. and i was like oh man, am i gonna be That guy!!!

If she comes back for me, i'll pull out the golden shovel and say look i'm going back. And then DF can lead the chants of
NOOOO IDIOT, don't do it!!!
and then i'll do it, and she'll leave for a new jerk and i'll come here and sob, and you can say.
TOLD YOU SO!