gwilks98

So I decided to start dating again. I have a tendency to lock in on one girl, so I promised myself I'd date a few and pick the best match for me, instead of the first girl I came across.

How about I tell a story about what happened tonight?

My neighbor tells me a few weeks ago that I should meet his cousin. We meet, decide to go on a date this week and we hit it off. I aggressively kissed her and she had this "blown away" look on her face. She came to my soccer game the next night, we hung out, I took her home (she lives with her brother) and necked a bit in his driveway.
I think this girl is pretty cool, definitely worth getting to know a bit better. Possible g/f material.

I'm also a member on eharmony. I find this girl I really connected with online and we decided (last week) to meet up tonight. (this is my first experience meeting up with anyone from the site.) She won't say much about her (or even give her number) until we meet. We decide to just have dinner together this afternoon. We meet up, we both find out that we're normal fun people and we have a lot of instant "clicks" with our personalities and backgrounds. After dinner, as I'm trying to figure out if I can extend the date a bit, she says she really likes me and wants to know if I want to come to a house party with her on the other side of town. She also hinted she wanted a goodnight kiss.

Yes, yes YES.

So we go and start hanging out. I bump into a guy I knew through a high school friend that I haven't seen in years. So we start hanging out, I get separated from my date and I even start mingling with these new strangers.
I bump into this really nice guy and we strike up a conversation. He tells me where he works. (A pretty specific job that you don't hear often.) A hair stands up on the back of my neck, but I'm not sure why. He asks, I tell him where I work.
"You know," he says, "someone was just telling me they met a guy who works at <my company> in the <my department>."
"REALLY? Who, it's not a very big department."
"I don't remember. It's just odd you mentioned that."

We start talking some more, he tells me about his softball team and the funny name they gave it.

Then the lightbulb goes on: Holy crap, this is Girl #1's older brother. The brother she lives with. The older brother she told me about. And he's good friends with the girl I'm out on my first date with, and he doesn't have a clue who I am yet. I thought about telling him, but thought better of it when I had a vision of him starting a fight or causing a scene. No need for that, please.

I find an excuse to end the conversation before I have to give him any other clues I just went out with his sister earlier in the week.

I go to my old friend and tell him what's going on. He pontificates on the hilarity of the situation. He says that the brother won't think it to be a big deal. But he also mentions that he thought Girl #1 was coming to the party tonight. OH SHeeT.

Well, that brother would be bound to tell his sister about running into me and she'd find out accidentally about where I was and who I was with. If I continue seeing one or the other, we're bound to meet up again at a future part. There is no way to hide this or let either girl down easy.

I decide to go tell my date. I told both girls I'm a 100% honest guy, so I go to face the music. We have a serious talk in the hallway, she tells me she typically doesn't date more than one person at a time, but she appreciated my honesty. I explain how I really did like her, and I wasn't playing anyone. I was just trying to find out what was out there. I ask her if she wanted me to go, and she said no. She says that if I stay, I have to think about something else though, (probably because I was broadcasting all over the place how uncomfortable I was.)

My buddy comes over and tells me how funny it was because him and his friends were trying to set his brother (also at the party) up with Girl #1. Wow. I go back to my date.

I get lucky in that girl #1 doesn't show up. Me and my date avoid the elephant in the room and leave at the same time about a half hour later. I tell her I'm just going to hug her goodnight and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She still kept standing there facing me, so ok, game on. I went in and gave her a pretty good kiss goodnight. She told me to not wait the 4 days to call her, and then said, "that's a hint." Then she texts me on the way home.

Then I decide to call up Girl #1 on the way home to talk to her before her brother does. Judging by her voice, she was totally blown away. Then she tells me to take a few days and let her know what I think.

Then I see I have voicemail. I check it, and it's my neighbor wanting to know if I wanted to hang out tonight. Not right now but thanks!

So my thoughts were that I would date a few girls a few times and would stop looking once I found a girl worth getting serious over. I never had any intentions of stringing anyone along or playing them. I also had no clue I was going to be matched with 2 girls from the same friend pool by 2 different sources!

It's my first time being single in 6 years, and I screw up dating around on the first try. I had told both of them upfront I wanted to keep things non-exclusive until I settled into a good relationship. But what do you do when you find two girls from the same friend pool and they find out you're seeing them both? I'd like to play this off like I'm not doing anything wrong, but the game changes when it involves 2 friends. Thank GOD I've only been on 2 dates with girl #1. This could have been worse had I started seeing each girl a few more times before bumping into the other one at a friend function.

There just isn't a book written for an issue like this. I don't feel like I did anything wrong in the rules of dating, but I'm unfairly cornered in the realm of "pick one or you'll lose them both." It's just too soon - I don't know either that well to pick just yet.

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Thesifer

So you didn't feel more strongly toward one then the other? In that case, pick the hotter one!

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Napoleon54

HAHA, man, that sucks!! Seems like you're having pretty good luck though.

Can you gauge which one is more interested in you?

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gwilks98

I'd honestly say I connected more with the date from last night, but they both like me right off the bat, from what I can tell. I'm trying hard not to compare the girls, because girls hate that.

Now I need to call them at some point today. Eeks.

uncledaddy

I only wish I had half your problems. Good luck.

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Kevster

I'm recommending the Nija route, tell them both about each other, and ask if they really like you if they want to make it a threesome.

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MrGreg

Sounds like gwilks98 also wishes he had half of his problems.


But seriously, choose the one that doesn't live next door.

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Thesifer

I dont think either of them do? Maybe I read it wrong, but I think that was a Third Option when I was reading it.

MrGreg

Oh, you're right. I misread. The neighbor is the cousin of girl #1. Then is said girl #1 lives with her brother. I was conflating the cousin and brother to mean she lived with her brother next door. My bad.

Girl #2 handled the situation well when you told her and seemed to indicate she was interested. Go for her.

edit: or post pics of both and put up a voting poll

ArkiStan

The problem is clear here. You kiss girls as soon as you meet them. None of this weirdness would have happened if you hadn't kissed the girls. You would have been "friends" with both and would have had more freedom to get to know each of them better without giving off the image of a player.

Depends on what you want. Just looking for some fun? You're doing just fine. Otherwise, it's gonna be hard to get girls to take you seriously if your lips are all over town. Especially when you're meeting people within the same small community.

BTW, this thread is worthless without pics!!!!!!!!!!!

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gwilks98

Wise beyond your years, Arki. I didn't like reading it, but you're right. I thought if I would refrain from moving past first base, I'd be free and clear. (And probably would have, but they know each other, and have close mutual friends.) But I talked with both girls tonight. Both acknowledge the awkwardness and randomness of it all. I asked and Girl #1 told me her brother did put it together, but didn't want to say anything to keep me from feeling awkward. (Which was awesome of him.)

It just sucks having to choose so soon. They're both great girls. But I'm trying to look on the bright side that this spaghetti mess was discovered within the first few dates and not after a few more.

Napoleon54

I wish I had that problem.

brainsmile

how awkward would it have been if you got to 3rd base?

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TofuNinja

True, but then if he went the friend route they might of thought he was gay.

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gwilks98

Also a good point, given where I work.


I don't like this "flip a coin" dilemma. I'm creating a third option...I just don't know what that is yet.

Daedalus

Now I'm curious. What workplaces have a higher incidence of gay employees? Do you tend bar at the Blue Oyster?

gwilks98

I work in the IT department for a teddy bear retailer. Do the math. There's lots of gay men per capita.

ArkiStan

i totally know what you mean about wanting to meet a wide range of people. i have similar problems as you. only, i seem to have a much harder time getting to first base. LOL.

one way i've learned to to improve your chances of avoiding such "spaghetti messes" is to try meeting people from different ethnic groups. social connections and rumors tend to travel MUCH faster within the same ethnic community. of course this isn't a cure-all measure, but it definitely helps.

in case my previous post came off a bit strong, please understand i don't think you are doing anything wrong AT ALL. it just depends on what you want. you're still young. i'm all for going out, meeting new people and having some fun. best of luck.

nate el bueno

What position do you play in soccer?

haha

Nija

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ray

don't worry. i'm epic fail too.

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mcs328

I third that. good things come in threes. triangles, doritos, dante's inferno...etc.

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Prngr44

Oh man that was hilarious!

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guiseppewv

I don't think the kissing part was bad. I think if you don't want to seem like a player then don't make out with them just give them a kiss. I think you being honest was a very good thing as long as you did not give too many details to them. Lastly, I would not classify this as a fail, seeing that you made out with women.

MrGreg

But if one of them was secretly a dude, then it would be a fail.

Prngr44

You didn't "fail" at dating around, you got caught.

It's usually not an issue and never one that hits that close. I probably wouldn't have even mentioned it to a girl I was dating until the 2nd or 3rd date.

It's a lot like a party I had in high school. I asked this one girl to come and she couldn't... so I asked a different girl I had gone out with who could. Well girl #1 changed her mind at the last minute and showed up. I had her upstairs and the other downstairs. Needless to say mine didn't go as well. They both found out about each other I ended up with Rosie.

Keep the stories coming.

Napoleon54

This thread needs at least a mental picture. What do these chicks look like?

Thesifer

Psh.. Mental.. We all know he has Cell Pics of them.. He can black out the eyes or something for Privacy's sake!

guiseppewv

I would recommend not posting pictures of them here.

ArkiStan

They should be in the "Suckage/Not-so-Suckage" forum. Then we can judge.