chrissy

Young and newly married, I relaxed under a pecan tree on a hot Texas summer day, drinking iced tea and getting to know my new sister-in-law, Estelle. Not much older than I, but already the mother of
three, Estelle seemed to me experienced and wise. "Get yourself some
girlfriends," she advised, clinking the ice cubes in her glass. "You are going to need girlfriends. Go places with them; do things with
them." What a funny piece of advice, I thought. Hadn't I just gotten
married? Hadn't I just joined the couple-world? I was a married woman, for goodness sake, not a young girl who needed girlfriends.

But I listened to this new sister-in-law. I got myself some girlfriends.

As the years tumbled by, one after another, gradually I came to
understand that Estelle knew what she was talking about. I remembered that she had said the word "girlfriends" with
emphasis. As I went along, I discovered the subtle difference between friends and girlfriends. You go to work with friends, go to dinner with friends, go to church with friends, belong to clubs with friends. You send friends greeting cards. You need friends in your life; all girlfriends were once only friends. But a girlfriend is different.

A girlfriend is not "just like a sister." Sisters have a distinct
bond, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sisters flow from family
attachment; girlfriends choose each other.
A sister also can be a girlfriend.
As a thank-you to my sister-in-law and to the other girlfriends in my life, I offer this praise of girlfriends.

Here is what I know about girlfriends:

*Girlfriends don't compete.

*Girlfriends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you are
sick.

*Girlfriends keep your children, and keep your secrets.

*Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.

*Girlfriends don't always tell you that you are right.

*Girlfriends might send you a birthday card, but they might not. It
does not matter in the least.

*Girlfriends laugh with you and you don't need canned jokes to
start the laughter.

*Girlfriends don't yammer about you behind your back.

*Girlfriends pull you out of jams.

*Girlfriends don't keep a calendar that lets them know who hosted the
other last.

*Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they
get married or have a baby in whichever order that comes!

*And girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and truly, when
the hard times come.

*Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a husband.

*Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.

*Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.

*My girlfriends bless my life.

Once we were young, with no idea of the incredible joys or the
incredible sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. I want to tell younger women to take my sister-in-law's advice. Get yourself some girlfriends.

You are going to need them.

pennypinch

I think it is amazing that women need to be told this. I'm not being facetious: I can't believe how petty a seemingly normal, well-adjusted and otherwise socially capable woman can be.

chrissy

I don't think it was a "need to be told this" type of thing. It's more of... a reminder (not sure if that is the word I am searching for). It's one of those things that I can read and think about my girlfriends and what we have been through and how long has it been since... and stuff like that.

Not that someone needs to be told that they need to get themselves some girlfriends, but more to remember who your true friends are in times of need. The ones that you can call (across the country) at 2 AM when your husband hasn't come home after a fight you had earlier that evening. Or the one who you still spend the night with when you go back home to visit family, only this time, you bring your kids to show them how to eat a Gooey Butter cake in one night.

That is what I got out of it and that is why I posted it. Not to tell or remind anyone to get "girlfriends". But to know and remember yours.

skatyh

Chrissy,

Thanks so much for posting this...

I just copied it and sent it to my "girlfriends." Each sentence reminded me of one of them and all of them together. We have raised our kids together and all are in our forties. One of the ladies oldest daughter just got married and on the other spectrum one of the others just had number 5 (a surprise baby!)It has taken us years to grow to the place we are all now...but it was worth it.

We always get together with our families at Easter for the day but decided that those of us in town would get together for Thanksgiving this year.

Your post reminded me of how thankful I am to have such true "girlfriends."

Thanks!
Katy

jujubees

So we're sentimental, which is neither a crime nor an indication of a hollow noggin. There's a reason why you netgeeks aren't writing Hallmark cards in your downtime, mmmk?

__________________
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My empire of dirt

pennypinch

Oh, you zinged me good...

All I was commenting on was the seemingly vast schism in intragender relations. Women, apparently, needed reminders. It's understood in male culture.

And I'm not a netgeek! I don't know an IRQ from a DNS. I hope those letters go together...

jujubees

Well, break out the research grants! This epiphany could change the course of the world!

Now, excuse me while I go light some farts with my girlfriends.

theorangeone

what may seem petty to guys may not actually be so petty. a lot of stuff hurts, a lot more than others will realize especially when done by someone who you thought was a girlfriend. so it may be petty to you, but its most definitely not petty to the one it happened to.

pennypinch

Tee hee hee! I assume you read about our boorish behavior in Oprah? She's got us down pat. Excuse me while I pound a pitcher of beer with my frat buddies or something.

pennypinch

Questions of semantics. When I said petty, I meant to refer to the particularly back-stabby things I see women to do each other on a daily basis. Not petty = inconsequential.

jujubees

I'm going to stop trying to bridge the "seemingly vast schism in intragender relations" and just let this go.

Ladies, enjoy the original post.

Chrissy, apologies for turning this thread into something ugly.

And to my beloved pennypinch, I'd have said more, had a timeout not been imminent as a result of those words.

pennypinch

Hey, you're the one who took offense. I was merely speaking to the fact that women don't seem to be inherently prone to basic levels of fraternity (in the non-white hat, "clever" T-shirt sense). Good lord, and you wonder why guys don't ever contribute here.

Pinkgirl36

very plainly and very simpley, it's a girl thing, you wouldn't understand

__________________
"No one stands as tall as when
they stoop down to help a child" - Abraham Lincoln

Those who can do, and those who care teach.



Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy

DandeeLion75

I thank my lucky stars that I have my girlfriends to talk with, share things with, and to even not talk with. But knowing that they are around somewhere makes me feel even better. Crabbie.. I love ya girlie.. and miss ya LOADS!!!

Say hi once in awhile