xsiled2

in the last month or so my buddy has started talking to hs ex GF even though he is still with his gf of 2 years. within this there has been them talking to chatting online that have been some what touchy. in his original messages to her they went over perhaps getting back together and that his current gf would just understand if she loved her, he also talked about that the only reason he stayed with her was because he didnt want to hurt her by dumping her.

ok at that point i confronted his current GF with both the fact that she was back and that he had been talking to her. then after he had been quite dickish to me i droped the bomb on her(tuesday)essages they had exchanged. at which point she exploded on me and he got pissed at me. about 3 hours later she came back to her normal relaxed self and thanked me for what i had done. he still stayed pissed at me until thursday in which i had to do say alot of stuff i really souldnt have had to say to regain his trust, i mean he was the one doing the crime.

so my issue now is that, now hes started giving his ex-gf rides home during 7th period (last peroid). what creates to issue in my mind is that 1. the whole problem between him and his gf was because of this chick. 2. because his gf is my friend and a really good person that shouldnt get screwed over. 3. im tired of him lieing to atleast not telling his gf what hes doing, its that how its supposed to be?

if i think of anything else ill add it.

any feedback, ideas, or response would be really helpful. im not intending on messing up their relationship but i dont like him dicking her over.

this has got to be the most ive ever typed for a post here...

Hunny

First of all....What your "buddy" is doing is his own personal business...you shouldn't have become involved.
Interference is only good during sports related activities
Your loyalty may be there for the girl & not for your buddy...and I have to wonder why her over him?...
You say he told you he didn't dump her because he didn't want to hurt her...What do you think you did??? Don't you think hearing it second hand would hurt her more?...or were you there to be her comfort??

He should be pissed at you...I would be..obviously he trusted you enough by confiding in you and you breached that trust...and whether or not you can't understand why, because you say he is the one that did the crime...you have to understand...it doesn't matter...its not your problem to understand...
It wasn't your place...unless she was in danger of having physical harm done to her and you had to warn her...you should have just clammed up...
What you should have done, was told your "buddy" to grow some balls...get off his A*...be a man...and do the right thing...
...
In this scenario...its inevitable that his lies would have come full circle much sooner than later...he'd have hung himself without your help...
I'm sure his girlfriend is a really nice person...but life is full of screwups...your buddy is one of the many she'll encounter...thats how we learn & grow...and the problem isn't the ex girlfriend...the problem is your buddy who can't make up his mind...more than likely because he's a young , cocky stud, that thinks he's invincible...



Don't beat yourself up over telling her...whats done is done...what you did was just give her the nudge before he gave her the push...
For what its worth xsiled...you didn't mess up their relationship...their relationship was over the minute he started to look elsewhere...

__________________
Denial isn't a river in Egypt.....

Sure I'll be quiet when...

xsiled2

Your loyalty may be there for the girl & not for your buddy...and I have to wonder why her over him?...

shes been there for me when times have been bad, i can talk to her about just about anything and shes open with me, while he doesnt tell me anything at all.

You say he told you he didn't dump her because he didn't want to hurt her...What do you think you did??? Don't you think hearing it second hand would hurt her more?...or were you there to be her comfort??

like i said, if i hadnt said anything she would have found out in a more direct fashion.

He should be pissed at you...I would be..obviously he trusted you enough by confiding in you and you breached that trust...and whether or not you can't understand why, because you say he is the one that did the crime...you have to understand...it doesn't matter...its not your problem to understand...

oh i understand why he was mad but its not because he confided in me, hes never told me anything about him and this chick i had to find out for myself.


more than likely because he's a young , cocky stud, that thinks he's invincible...

ya hit the nail on the head on that one...

//my question is what that do i do now, he hasnt stoped with this chick and if i dont say anything my friends gf is left totally in the dark.

whitak24

i'm not sure, but it sounds like you maybe feel a little more loyalty to the GF than to your friend. which is fine.

i guess in this situation, what you need to do is figure out whether your buddy or the girl is more important to you. if it's the girl, then i say you need to be honest with her and let her know what's going on. if it's the guy, then just let him continue being a dick or whatever.

good luck....i've been in a couple situations kinda like this (although not quite the same) and there's no way to win....but i personally hate to see someone i care about getting hurt because someone else is an ass.

Hunny

Ya know what xsiled....I say why don't you date the girlfriend...and see what your buddy thinks about her then... yahhhhhhhh

mcs328

You should have stayed out of it. But from reading your post, I'm guessing the three or four of you are in high school or something. Let's this be a bitter lesson/experience for you because the results of this situation when you get older get more polarized. Either you hold on to stuff like this forever or just don't give a rat's ass since you got rent, car, and other expenses that take up your time and takes precendence over these relationship trivial pursuits.

__________________

xsiled2

ok, more clarification

me and him are juniors in HS and she graduated 2 years back.

as fer loyalty, yeah at this point i would side with her, only because i cant really justify having complete trust in someone who cheats.

and to respond to Hunny, im not her type or atleast thats my view, that and i wouldnt do anything while they are still together.

i know i should have in some ways kept out of this all together, but my past experience0 with the oppisite sex was ended due to pretty much the same situation and i couldnt just sit back and see it again but in third person

cheapie

ahahaha.....how true that is. i'm reading the post thinking, dayummm, wish i was back in HS with this problem. now i have customers calling me every day wondering how i can get them their transmissions TOMORROW!!! and if i can give them a price break and why......

__________________
70% of the world is covered by water. The rest is covered by Bob Sanders

Hunny

True...its only high school...I figured that out when he said "7th period"...and if those were our only problems in life...woohoo...we'd be swinging in the breeze...but to him..its a big deal...
so stop whining like the old people you are ... haaaaaaaa
...and give him some good advice, will ya...

TERRIBLETOM

That is one of the reasons why I got out of the retail end of automotive repairs and went and got myself a fleet mechanics position. I still do some retail work but if they don't like it I send them to the crook up the street.

Sorry that I got off track from the original thread.

xsiled2

yeah i guess you would be, but these are the only good friends i have irl and im trying to make this all work out the best i can...

LPMiller

Then sit down and shut up. Seriously. Being in the middle is the worst possible place you can be, and in the end you'll lose 'em both.

You've made her aware something ain't right - the rest is up to her, not you. If she puts blinders on now, it's her own fault.

I'll admit, it's a hard situation to be in, but you'll become the absolute target of anger by both of them if you do not step off now.

__________________
lpmiller
Chief News Editor
Nobel Prize Nominee
Reverend in the Universal Life Church
Once Shot A Man For Snoring Too Loud
Way Too Lazy To Change His Signature

"The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference." - Calvin and Hobbes

Hunny

Oh for gawdsakes...go easy on the kid...couldn't you have said...clam it instead of shut up


...and I agree...you told her...now the ball's in her court...

cheapie

that's very true. now that she is aware, it's damage control time for you. you want her to know you care, but if you press the issue, you'll look desperate to hook up with her and she'll notice. i'm sure you're buddy will forget about it, if you just leave it as is. and i apologize if it seemed like i was cracking on your situation. i'm sure it is a real problem that needs a thoughtful solution. it's just now that i'm an old man (28), i'd just be like, f%ck it. that's just one more stressor i don't need. =)

dave

I agree with Hunny completely. It's their biz and you should have been involved with the mess.

xsiled2

thats pretty much what im doing now, things are going pretty well

dave: that wasnt an option to me i couldnt just sit back and watch this guy screw over his gf.

mcs328

I hope it works out for you. Too bad if you were older you could settle it with some women mud wrestling, a strip bar and few rounds of beer and let by gones be by gones.

xsiled2

update: the guy has continued to be dickish, random bull **** and the like as well as some lies and disrespect, this is the same guy that told me that friendship is solely based on trust and respect. hypocrit.. anyway i havnt talked to his gf since thurday things were ok i guess. anyway both of them need to work on etiquette hard core these are the sort of people that log off in the middle of a conversation- perhaps thats cool with people you dont know but its like hanging up or closing the front door to a friend that ur cool with...

whatever life goes on if things turn rotten **** em, life sucks anyway lets have a reason to get drunk...

xsiled2

update: the guy is crap. one day is almost decent with you then it just turns south, though this behavior started about a year ago when he got a car. stupid prick... anyway the gf has been cool with me though i dont really see either of them due to the fact that they hang out everyday. life goes on and im trying to get myself a gf. on top of that ive stopped pretty much all need to see these people.. moving on to more important things in life.

Hunny

Smartest thing you've done & said ... Good for you