OC

Mygrrrl's family is (long story) about to take over her life. She naturally feels a sense of obligation to her family, and her family would benefit greatly from her willingness to help.

But she doesn't really want to. This is going to change her life completely, and derail some of her plans for the future. She's going to aloow this to happen, no matter the cost to her. That's just the kind of person she is. She's naturally feeling down about this whole thing.


I'm a fixer. When someone I care about is down or having a problem, I want to do what I can to fix it. Two problems: she doesn't like being fixed (she's fiercely independent), and there's nothing tangible I can really do to fix this anyway. I was wondering what intangible things I could do to try to help her feel better.

tia

-OC

__________________
But what is adulthood except a delayed end-run around our parents' better judgment?
-- Peter Egan

*cough*

zenbooty

OC, OC, OC what are we going to do with you?

If I hadn't learned these lessons the hard way myself in the past, I'd have to slap you around some.

Don't be a fixer. Don't intrude on her problems. Don't be overly sympathetic or curious about how she's doing, because that gets smothering quick, and brings back up whatever she's dealing with and depresses her. Then she will dread talking to you because its always a downer. Be a friend, have fun with her. Concentrate on the good things you have together. Let her come to you with her problems if that's what she needs. I'm sure you've already made it plenty apparent to her that she can come to you whenever she wants, so let things be and don't think about it more than she does.

__________________
Common sense is what tells you the Earth is flat.

OC

Yeah, good points. What you say points to some of the things I've noticed in her, the way she acts with me sometimes. I do tend to be overly sympathetic. I've been using a "back off" strategy (for want of a better word), and it's been working well. I guess I just need to take that a bit further. It's just hard, ya know?