welfareloser

i won't even bother with making it a yes or no poll, because all the responses are going to be either one-liner jokes or deeply nuanced responses.


okay, specifically, i am thinking about the literary/hollywood cliche in which a person has a spouse that (s)he loves, but then has an affair... and is absolutely tortured because the right choice isn't clear.

i really think that's crap. but maybe that's because i'm not 40. i think you know how you feel about the two, and you just can't be deeply in love with two people at once... what makes it a hard choice is all the peripheral upheaval.

am i right or wrong? speculations and actual experiences invited.

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ray

Yes, absolutely. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has certain qualities that are attractive and repulsive, and that is what we fall in love with. What I am trying to say, as simply as possible, is that you can fall in love with different people for different reasons.

welfareloser

but has it happened to you? do you know anyone that it's happened to? because i don't. as far as i can tell, when you love someone it kinda slams the door to your heart shut on anyone else. closest i've seen is people with several prospects that they aren't "in love" with yet, and don't know yet which to go with... and people having affairs who just fear change and don't want to throw away what they spent 20 years building, don't want the public shame of it all, or on the flip side, really freak out and decide they need to have an affair to feel young and then retrofit some made-up "love" for the object of their neurosis...

ialsohaveadream

Ummmm.....I'll go with "probably."

ray

Actually, yes.

InfiniteNothing

Oh hell ya WL. I had it BAD. I ended a great 5 yr relationship for a girl who I wanted to give a shot (and she wasn't even as attractive; what's wrong with me?)

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Burzhui

i'll say yes



did it work out?

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Fas-ligand

To your direct question, I'll say yes, you can be in love with more than one person at a time.

...but I think the real dillema is probably, what is love? Depends on the person...

yippiekiyeh

No you cannot.

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Mike_N_Ike

I'm going to go with yes?

I've never actually been in that position thankfully but I don't see why it wouldn't be possible.

This is a difficult thing to talk about because everybody has their own definition of love. In addition, there are a lot of different levels of love...but I still say yes.

You can love two value meals at pizza hut equally...you can love two pets equally...you can love two family members equally...I don't see what would stop you from loving two romantic interests equally

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Merlin

There are so many amazing women in the world. How could you not fall in love with more than one?

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caribiner23

Based on my definition of "in love" and my personal experience and observations:

No.

You can love people for different reasons, but my definition of "being in love" includes that feeling of "wow, this person has all these qualities that I want in a partner, and I want to be with them a lot and do lots of stuff together."

Affairs are usually friendships that include (sometimes really really hot) sex, but they're an escape from the real world: no kids, no mortgage payment, no who's-picking-up-the-dry-cleaning, no fighting over whose parents to spend Thanksgiving with... By some people's yardsticks, that's a perfect scenario for being "in love," just not mine.

Infatuation, horniness, admiration... those are all things that some people define as "in love."

You can love two different people for a whole bunch of different reasons, or even feel "in love" with one of them for the moment, but I know my heart's not wired to allow that "in love" feeling to be focused in two places at once.

Maarchk

IMHO, Love is the good feeling you get by being around someone. It can be your SO or a good friend or any number of people that make you feel really good about you just cause they are around. As for falling in love, i think that is simply the excitement and fascination that comes from someone or something new. So in that sense i think you can be excited and fascinated by more then one person at a time, and for me i think it has happened. But then i take a step back and think about what happens when i know this person well and its not fascination. Will this person still make me feel really good and tingly, or am i just interested in the hot body and once i am used to it, then there is not much more that is going to come from this situation. I think thats the thing with affairs. Its easy to want something that you usually dont have, make it an exciting fling and such. But if you were to start being with that other person, i think you would see that after the fun fades, odds are you wish you were back with the first person. So i would say yes its possible, but you need to look beyond that if you are worried about a long term relationship.
M-

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welfareloser

okay, here's where i'm coming from... i've known a lot of guys. of them, i liked quite a few immensely for very reasons. there has been a very short list of guy that i know i could fall in love with (i don't subscribe to the theory that there is one great love for you out there somewhere... i think there are lots of different people out there who could wind up being your "one and only" given the right circumstances.)

anyway, from this short list of "guys i could fall in love with," i've known more than one of them at once... but i've never been in love with more than one. like right now, i have this friend that i know i could fall head over heels in love with and spend a long and happy life with... but i'm already in love with someone, so the realization that i COULD love this other guy just doesn't do anything to me. it would take me falling out of love with my husband before i could fall in love with this other guy.

so it sounds like i am just one type of person, and there are other types out there who could totally fall in love with someone else even while they're in love with their current so?

WhiskeyPapa

I vote no. Those who find themselves in that situation are not feeling "love". It's more of a hedonistic sort of realization that both people bring you pleasure. It's selfish.

IMHO, love is not a feeling, it's an action, a decision you make.

nickel

I vote yes. Although sometimes love and lust are hard to distinguish.

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molecularfire

Sure, why not. Someone can lie to themselves as many times at a time as they want.

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Airencracken

Yes I think it's possible, however I do think that depends on the person's definition of love. And it's happened to me before.

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zenbooty

You hopeless romantic.

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LPMiller

True that. Mostly, I imagine you love one, lust for the other, and get confused.

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ShawnLee

Yes but no. Yes, you can have that feeling towards more than one, but there has to be a priority and it would probably eat away at both relationships.

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johnnymk

Lust temporarily blinds me, but then I come to my senses. I would never want it to become the thing which controls my relationship. But if it's not there, why make the relationship any deeper than it is?

It's a Catch 22 situation when talking lust versus love.

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YaYo

I've been in a relationship for 10 years and have two kids. I love my S/O with all my heart. I believe fate broght us together and only fate will keep us together or break us apart.

However, at the same time I think I've also loved someone else all my life. But not in the same way as I love my s/o. Its difficult to explain because its so personal. So I'll leave my responce as is.

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GracieBayb

yeah its possible - i love my mom and my dad... yay!