JackHammer

I will be going to a wedding soon and the couple getting married are white. Is it tacky to give them money instead of a present? I know with Chinese weddings, money is preferred.

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chadlnc

Bring on the money! I can assure that when it comes to presents, Chinese or not, money is great. While the other gifts were great, it was great to have money to spend on stuff we didn't register for or to spend on our honeymoon. Oh, by the way, I'm white

Kim

I didn't mind getting money as a gift.

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DarkFury

Now THAT's the kind of present that ALWAYS fits.

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PrObLy

Be sure to get them a toaster, a bread maker and a food processor, I bet nobody would think of that!!!

In all honesty, though, I would go with money; that just leaves the question as to how much should you give. I really don't know how to go about estimating that. Money goes a long way and I'm sure they would rather have the option to buy what they want rather than have an appliance or something that they may not have liked.

Enjoy the wedding

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avlena

yeah, i'm starting to venture into the adult world, where friends are getting married and i'm supposed to give gifts. what is the appropriate price range for physical gifts, and for money gifts?

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Jeffbx

The rule of thumb is that the gift (or money) should be approximately the same value as they're spending on dinner for you -

For example, if you & a date are invited & the dinner is costing the couple $100 per person, a $150-200 gift would be appropriate.

Of course, the flaw with this is that it's pretty difficult to know how much they're throwing down for dinner, so I'd say give them what you can afford, based on how well you know them. There's a really wide range of gifts at any given wedding, and the couple should understand that different people can afford different things.

If you happen to be invited to a real ritzy affair that's costing $300/person & you barely know them, there's no need to drop that kind of cash on a gift. Get them something small from their regeistry & call it a day.

ray

If they have a registry somewhere, you could always choose one of those items or split a more expensive item amongst a few friends.

The rule about spending as much as the dinner, that means I would have had to shell out $250 for my friend's wedding a couple months ago...and so would the other 159 guests...I'm not so sure that rule would always apply.

oblongmelon

Who's rule of thumb would that be? There is no one who can tell you how much to give a person as a gift. First of all, if the couple want to spend 100 dollars per person for a half a chicken breast and some carefully arranged veggies, then it's not YOUR obligation to cover the cost of their wedding dinner for them. YOu are invited as a guest-and you should give as much as you feel you can afford. When in doubt on how much you think you should give-a nice set of towels, picture frames, (for their wedding picture),and anything "generic" is nice..sometimes opening actual packages is more fun than opening an envelope with a 50 dollar bill it in. (It also shows that the guest took the time to go and pick a gift out)..refering back to your post..you said..a dinner that is COSTING THE COUPLE a hundred bucks makes it appropriate for you to pay 150-200 as a gift..why? why don't you just call them, say how much is my dinner going to cost, want me to pay you for it now, or do you want me to wait till after the reception when you bleed everyone by your poor choice of a crappy expensive meal..THEY chose the price of the meal..you are not obligated to pay for it.

Jeffbx

Just a guideline... nothing set in stone here. Only repeating what I've heard before.

cheapie

you can also find out where they are registered and give them a gift certificate to that place. when we got married we really appreciated that. gave us the opportunity to round out the towels or dishes or etc.

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Nija

I prefer to use my own imagination for the wedding gift

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avlena

i think it's a cultural thing. one of my mom's arguments to why i should have a big lavish vietnamese wedding costing an avg of 30k (which she lost, thank goodness), is that in vietnamese culture guests traditionally give the couple cash ($100+) to offset the costs of the wedding and prepare for their future, and rarely give physical gifts. i wasn't raised like that, and think it's horrid to assume that people will give you large amounts of cash (i'm seriously doubting my guests will afford anything very expensive, and don't really care if they bring gifts or not), but i also have some vietnamese friends who don't bat an eyelash at the idea of giving a few hundred bucks cash as a gift when invited to a traditional viet wedding.

GracieBayb

every married couple i know never said, "gee i wish so many people didn't end up giving us cash... i wish they would have given us another coffee maker... we really could have used a 4th Mr. Coffee"

i think cash is a fantastic gift because hey, they're definitely going to need it!!

speedracer120

Koreans are like that too. Most weddings I go to, it's just envelopes of checks varying from 30~200 bucks. Depending on how well you know them, usually depends on how much you can expect in return when your children/you get married or what not or how much they gave your family when someone got married. A little karmic action at the wedding hall or church.

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mcs328

I think it's how much you can afford. Of course, you get some well off family members who play favorites and pay one cousin hundreds and another cousin with behind the sofa cushion money.

I prefer money but I'll be going the IKEA/Target/Airplane/Honeymoon Gift Certificate route.

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Jihforce

I spend like $120 for a friend's weddings gifts last month. I think that it should be at least 50 in my opinion. I had a cheapskate at my wedding, he brought one gift and 6 family members...grrrrr.....

molecularfire

Another asian who generally gives money at these kind of events (bringing a noose to the wedding got old after a while), although I never even thought of giving a check, just cash, new bills unfolded, the denomination depends on how much I intend to give them. I generally do follow the how much dinner costs route (at this stage, I have a pretty good feel on how much the local restaurants charge for which entres) as a minimal amount. If my parents or I are especially close to either the bride, groom, or family, then I generally give more.

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ufcrusher

After my wedding, I made the statement to my mother that some of the people didnt follow the unwritten wedding etiquette about gift giving. Her response was similar to yours and she didnt believe that it was considered proper etiquette. I forwarded her a few different websites showing it as well as a passage from a manners book. She was really surprised by this fact and sort of taken aback.

What you have to remember is that it is an unwritten rule/guideline. The bride/groom should take into account the costs associated with people attending the wedding (such as a local being a cheap skate vs. a friend who flies in from cross-country and has to pay for a rental car/hotel room). The guideline is that it should cover what an average meal would cost. In todays day and age, thats at least $50 per person, more likely much higher. (The $50 figure is based on a $35 dinner/drinks/cake/horsdourves....if you were to use the real numbers from my wedding it would have been approx $120/pp which admittedly is much higher than "average")

The reason behind the guideline is more to protect the bride/groom from the "forced" invites. (Mostly family friend that you dont know but your parents say have to be invited) The forced invites are by their very nature likely to give very little as they dont know the bride/groom. Yet, if its a couple the cost of these people end up being substantial. Thus, if they only give you $20 and you shell out $300 its inherently unfair. If the guideline was observed, the couple would have given $100....the bridal couple is shouldering the burdens of their expensive choice but they arent being truly screwed.

I can definitely understand why some people might take offense to the rule, but in reality there are probably very few situations where you would find yourself in violation of it if you are considerate of the bride and groom.

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WhiskeyPapa

ufc, we come from very different worlds. Most weddings I attend include a modest reception in the church with sandwiches made by the church ladies group, or maybe a $5-$10 per plate dinner. A $50 gift is considered pretty lavish.

ufcrusher

I guess so. According to most reports the average wedding now cost upwards of $20,000. Then again, I feel like the cost of weddings have gotten way out of hand. Its not what you pay that is important but rather the ceremony itself and what it means. One of the reasons why in hindsight I think eloping would have been a much more economical way to get hitched.