welfareloser

i have a friend who is 36, unmarried, and it really bums him out... he's kinda on the prowl for a wife. so, he dates, but hasn't found anyone he wants to marry.

kinda makes me wonder...

is he too picky? (he dropped the last girl because she was an "iceberg" ... most of her mass is on the bottom )

is he too neurotic (he can be anal, makes me wonder HOW anal if you really know him well...)

or does he just fart, snore, and torture small animals in his basement?

and just to be clear: no, there's nothing inherently wrong with not being married, imo. but it's just like wondering what a random person looks like naked, wondering if someone secretly picks her nose, etc... makes me wonder if there's something really goofy about him that i just don't know about

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BrewMaster

i suppose you could ask him, but that might be uncomfortable.

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oblongmelon

maybe he's gay..and not out of the closet.

whitak24

to answer the general question, i think that we are conditioned to wonder if there's something wrong with an unmarried person who is past the "typical" age of marriage in their culture.

(obviously, this can vary greatly. in some cultures [and i'm talking about cultures within the U.S.], it is expected that you will be married soon after high school, or if you go to college, during or as soon as college is finished. in what i would say is probably "average" american culture, probably once you hit 25 or so with no serious dating going on, it's considered unusual. i've noticed that here in the city, especially with people attempting to pursue high-powered careers, it's not at all unusual to see people who are 30 or 35 and unmarried.)

anyway, once people hit that point where it seems like they "should" be married, and they're not, i think people start to ask questions (particularly if, as in the case you described, the person doesn't have obvious flaws that you could assume caused the singlehood). i know i do, and i usually don't even think i should. i mean, why should it matter to me if someone has decided ot marry or not? but because our culture places such strong emphasis on the idea that everyone should get married, if someone chooses not to marry makes us think there's something abnormal about them.

InfiniteNothing

He may reak of desparation. he should try ALOOOOOOF

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Gothic Girl

I have a friend who is 41. He also has never been married. I guess he's been engaged 3 or 4 times, but never actually took the big leap. He's a great guy, very good looking, has a great job, awesome cook, and pretty clean. I often wonder if he's gay and not out of the closet yet...

Emqtee

no. . .I don't

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johnnymk

Well, I never married and really had no desire to take the plunge. I read a bunch of books about guys who have a hard time committing and I totally fit the pattern.

I dated about 60 women when I was in my thirties, had several relationships which lasted 4-5 years that I ended when they started pressing me for something more.

Believe me, with the divorce rate the way it is in America I have absolutely no regrets. Plus if I would have been married, I wouldn't be able to afford to be retired at my age.

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Merlin

I see plenty of married people and really want no part of the "bliss" they seem to have. Really, married people always seem pretty miserable. I'm in my mid 30s and don't think I'll get there. That could change, of course, but for now I don't think I really need a "ball and chain"

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ialsohaveadream

Eh, for the most part I assume people who aren't married either a) aren't interested in being married, or b) haven't found someone to marry yet. I can't really fault them for either choice.

But yeah....YOUR friend probably has something wrong with him.

Kim

Being unmarried at age 25 is VERY rare around here. In fact, if you are an LDS male, the bishop will call you in for a meeting and tell you it is time to find a wife and start a family. Women are also very pressured into marrying asap.

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caribiner23

When I look at the never-married people I know, both male and female, their stories are a combination of most of the comments above (particularly Johnny's, Merlin's, and IAHAD's).

This comment, though, is very telling:
What does he want, a supermodel? Is this part of the criteria he's using to approach these women? Precisely how "bummed out" is he, if he's criticizing women to this level?

This reminds me of Seinfeld in that Jerry always finds something wrong with the women he's with just to break up with them. (e.g. "man hands")

I agree with Brew, that you should ask the guy what's going on.

molecularfire

Nah... I'm old and I've never gotten married and well... let's face it... you can't find a better guy than me so there can't be anything wrong with not being married when you're old.

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ray

No.

Kevster

I have a neighbor that is extremely difficult to get along with. I figure she's about 50 or so and I definitely know why she is single: because no sane man would ever put up with someone like her.

On my Dad's side of the family, it has been common for some of the men to be permanent bachelors. In doing some research on my family's history it turns out there have been many bachelors in our past, hence the reason why it is not a common name even in Ireland. I have a feeling my brother might end up being a permanent bachelor as well. But then again, you never know.

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My small adventures, my fears.
The small ones that seemed so big,
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And the light that fills the world.

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cheapie

nope.

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johnnymk

Sorry, but a big butt is a real turn off for me. My other brain feels the same way.

InfiniteNothing

The relationship with someone physically unattractive is really good until you get to the undies stage of the relationship. Then you have to make a conscious effort not to care and just dive in.

I don't blame the guy if he leaves a girl because intimacy is (or would be) a bit painful.

DarkFury

Marriage in some respects... is overrated.

Outside of the "moral" issues... I'm still trying to see the benefit of it.

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brainsmile

Honestly, I think that people to wait too long have one of two characteristics.

1. They are too set in their ways
2. They are too picky.

When you are young you tend to take those annoying habits of your Sig. Other (SO) and chalk it up to what is "cute" for the most part. It is true that love is blind. Over time you just deal with them or change the habits your don't like. End of story.

With older people they know that choosing the "ONE" is important cause they might get one shot at it. So they are a bit overly critical on others. I mean you want to probably have kids immediately so you think harder about it. When you're young you just like that someone actually likes you! Either than or they are so set in their ways they take the "they have to love me for who I am" position.

Oh yeah... there is also the unreasonable take as well. They want someone super hot but they themselves are not willing to groom themselves at all.

Of course there are those who just don't want any part of that institution. Nothing wrong with that I suppose.

nickel

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tongue
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring

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BrewMaster

depends how big the butt is. i don't want a boney ass, there's gotta be some meat, i just don't want a whole butcher shop back there.

welfareloser

no, i honestly assume there is nothing wrong with the guy, other than maybe being picky, and i almost always assume the same for anyone else in a similar situation. but sometimes, i just wonder if maybe... same way you sometimes wonder if your lispy friend is wearing women's panties

nothing wrong with not settling, which is what a lot of married people have done.

BrewMaster

i stopped wondering when he paraded around in a dress...