ialsohaveadream

A little less than a month ago, my fiance and I split up. It was a very smooth, mutual decision. We love each other, but neither of us thinks we're making the wrong decision.

Tonight, the ex and I went out to see Lord of the Dance (best show EVER, but that's another thread). During the intermission, we were at the bar, and I saw a very cute long-haired, dark-skinned, glasses-wearing, small-chested, blessed-with-a-nice-ass lady (and dressed classy as hell, since we were out at the theatre!)....in other words, "my type".

Since I'm single again, the switch went off in my brain, and I gave the girl a smile. She was walking towards the bar when the ex came back, and it suddenly occurs to me that now I look like the guy who's trying to pick up a new girl while on a date with another. There's no quick way to signal "She's not really with me anymore even though it looks like we're on a date, and I'd really like to talk to you!", so I gave up.

When we went back to our seats, the new girl ends up sitting right next to us, clearly not in her seat. I had no chance to talk to her with the ex sitting between us, so she eventually asked us for help "finding her seat", and she was gone.

And now, the question: Am I being too hasty in trying to date again? Please remember that I'm male, and I've got physical needs that haven't been met since well before the breakup.

kei2

Since it was mutual, I say no. BUT stop going out with your ex (I know you're not out on dates, but still) to avoid this situation in the future.

ialsohaveadream

Oh, I should clarify...I went with her because I'd bought the tickets for her as a Christmas present back in late October when they went on sale. The show finally took place tonight.

yippiekiyeh

Sticky situation, but sometimes happiness comes in strange ways... that could have been the one! Oh well...

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oblongmelon

Was this mystery gal with anyone? Or was she there alone? hmmmm..

ialsohaveadream

Ah! Another point I left out (forgive me, it's late). The mystery gal came and sat in the seat next to us and claimed to be confused about where her seats were, but:

We'd just gotten done with intermission, which means she'd probably found them during the first half of the show.
She had two tickets in her hand, but I watched to see where she ended up, and nobody was sitting with her. Weird.

BrewMaster

well, if there's any way to find this mystery girl now, you'd better try. it would make for an interesting story if nothing else. plus you may discover a wonderful woman to spend time with.

and you know this very well, but stop hanging out with your ex.

as for it being "too soon." if you're ok with it, then it's fine. just remember you may want to be careful for your ex. think about how she might feel if she saw you out with another woman. and also think about how you might feel if you saw her out with another guy.

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Emqtee

Too soon to start dating again? I would say definately not. Just go out and have fun, nothing too serious. Trying to talk to another girl with your ex there would be awkard for the both of you. Even though you parted on good terms that probably would not have gone over too well.

For some reason this all reminds me of the movie Wicker Park.

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brainsmile

you didn't help her find her seat??? Lord of the Clueless more like it.

nickel

well that situation shouldn't happen again since that is the last time you should have to go out with the "ex", right?

i don't think you are being too hasty in wanting to date again, but if you are just looking for some nookie that doesn't hafta involve a date.

ialsohaveadream

That exact situation probably won't happen again, no. But the ex still hasn't found an apartment yet, so all of her stuff is still in my house. She's mostly been staying with friends, but her stuff is all here.


I know. But I'm not that desperate yet. I'm still in the stage where I'd like to look for a woman, rather than something to hit and quit.

johnnymk

Couldn't you call the theatre or Ticketmaster to find who she was? I don't know if they are allowed to release that information, though.

If it was mutual, it's never too soon.

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nickel

there is NO WAY they would give out her name like that.

there are other trout in the pond. when IAHAD goes out WITHOUT a girl on his arm then he will have opportunities.

welfareloser

of course it's not too soon to date. but it was nice of you not to go hittin on her, since it would have left your "date" hanging with nobody to talk to, or feeling awkward trying to talk to some girl you just picked up... even if she had no feelings of jealousy, it woulda been wierd.

don't pick up chicks at gramma's funeral... don't pick up chicks on a "date," even a completely platonic one. so... don't go on any more dates with the ex, and it's all good. you missed one girl... no big deal. go out, you'll find more. go out in a group of 3+, and you won't look like you're on a date.

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johnnymk

I have found that the opposite sex finds you more appealing when you're with someone. Strange but true.

nickel

i don't agree.

johnnymk

I think it's the forbidden fruit thing, but if you don't believe me...Oh well

BrewMaster

i think that is true in some cases, the whole forbidden fruit thing. maybe not all of the opposite sex thinks that way, but there are certainly some that do. the whole idea of "well, that person must be a good date because they are already with someone." certainly a flawed reasoning, but not an unheard of one.

johnnymk

Well, the exception to the rule is that she is with Fat Albert or you are with Mama Cass

nickel

no... i believe you, i just don't go for that.

Cantacuzene

I would only wait if you are emotionally messed up, but it doesnt sound like you are so have at it. There is no reason to wait out of a sense of ettiquete to your ex.

And about the forbidden fruit thing, I believe it. Sorta like the guy with the wedding ring being suddenly popular with the ladies stereotype. From personal experience I know that when I go to bars or parties with my better looking female friends I tend to do a lot better.

johnnymk

You have friends?





j/k

DarkFury

Hmmm... pretty sketchy there bud...

Trust me... break away clean... and run for your life.


RUN NOW.... GO!!!!

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johnnymk

BE AFRAID...BE VERY AFRAID!!

ialsohaveadream

Uhhh....I'm not a stalker. Actually, I ordered the tickets through a guy I deal with all the time, so it's possible he would help me out like that, but no thanks....way too creepy.


This is definitely true. I'm not an incredibly attractive guy, but I got a lot more interest when I was still with my fiance.

As for the "date"....that was my last date with the ex. Like I said, I'd bought the tickets long before we broke up, and she really wanted me to go with her (plus, I really wanted to see the show).

Now I just need to find a long-haired, smart and sexy liberal chick with an ass you can bounce a quarter off of. I'm going to try to avoid the bar chicks, as they always tend to disappoint me.

dsuds

I think the whole "forbidden fruit" thing is a bit over blown. My take is that if you are with someone else, you're not "on the hunt". You're more relaxed and comfortable, so that makes you more comfortable to be around. When your actively looking for companionship (or even a one nighter), you're more tense, more desperate. And women can sense desperation better than body odor, and avoid both like the plague.

Although, one guy I roomed with only hit on girls that were "attached". One girl he was particulary attracted to broke up with her BF at the time and my roomie didn't even talk to her after that... wtf?

nickel

anyone who hits on a guy/girl who is already attached to someone has a fear of commitment.

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dsuds

Well, that would make sense. But the girl I was talking about was SOO relieved he didn't talk to her.

welfareloser

my friend mikey swears it's true. he went for a year with nuthin... i watched him hit on girls and go home alone... then, all of a sudden, some hot chick is all over him... and he's had no fewer than 5 other girls try to get him away from her. it's like he's more desirable with that "pre-approved" status...

my friend nodamnedsense has a problem where, as soon as one of his best friends expresses interest in a girl, he is suddenly ALL OVER that girl. he doesn't even realize he's doing it...