Should I Move?

Johnnymac · 03-21-2005, 07:59 PM

My wife and I are expecting our first child in a couple of months and we have some difficult decisions to make regarding work/childcare. We both work full-time now and things are going great. We have no debt besides our mortgage, no car payments and we are able to put away a decent amount of cash each month into our retirement plan and general savings accounts.

We have made the decision not to put our children in daycare. My wife will be able to work a few days a week and our family will be able pitch in and watch the baby. The catch is that she is not going to be making close to what she is making now and will be getting paid significantly less than we thought she would be. She will still be making enough that it will allow us to pay the bills and save a little bit but not much beyond that.

The other option we have is to sell our house and to move to Charlottesville or to the Raleigh/Durham area. With the equity we have in our house we will be able to buy a new place with a greatly reduced mortgage and my wife would not have to work at all. We would still be able to save a significant amount of money as well. I work from my home so my job will not be affected.

The catch is that our family is all in the DC area and we are having a hard time imaging living that far from them. I believe it is important that my children be close to their cousins and we are very close to our siblings.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Well it looks like I put this in the wrong forum, it was meant for the softer side moved

Jenny · 03-21-2005, 09:02 PM

In my opinion, if you can afford to stay near your family with the relationship it sounds like you have, do it. We spent the first 5 years of my son's life living in the same town as Scott's parents and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I think it benefitted him and THEM to be near each other. He formed a bond and a relationship that is fantastic and now that we live 4 hrs from them, the bond is still there and strong. Then I look at my niece & nephew... My niece was in the same town as them for the first 2 or 3 years and my nephew has never lived in the same town. My niece has a much closer bond with them than my nephew and it shows.

Just my 2¢.

Boomer · 03-21-2005, 09:49 PM

My uninformed .02. I think it's a priority for your kid(s) to be with their own primary family (you and wife), rather than in day care.

zippyjuan · 03-22-2005, 12:25 AM

The economics also often favor one parent not working- once you include a possible second car plus its gas and insurance and higher tax bracket on dual income, and paying for the childcare- most people do not actually take home much more money than if one was not working. I think it will also be good to have all the family around. My parents moved away when I was little and I have cousins and aunts and uncles that I did not see for 25 years! I finally went back a couple of years ago for my grandparent's 70th Anniversary.

Memo · 03-22-2005, 12:33 AM

Showtime · 03-22-2005, 01:23 AM

The value of having family around you is immeasurable.

-j

nickel · 03-22-2005, 06:12 AM

stay.

that is the reason i stay in the great white north - family.

Mommypooh · 03-22-2005, 07:42 AM

IMHO I think it is better for the child to be with his or her mother. Granted I know family cares just as much about them as you both do. but I still tink it will benefit the child and your wife for them to be together all the time. I had all the help I would have ever needed to continue working and allow my children to be watched by my mother in law, and my Grandmother. But I have found it to be far more rewarding to be home watching my children grow, watching the new things they learn, and just fostering a great relationship that we have. I would say move and let your wife be a stay at home. You can always visit family, and she can always take a long weekend and let the children visit with family even if you are working.

oblongmelon · 03-22-2005, 07:46 AM

Get the smaller mortgage, (now! before the kids are all born and then you have to rip them away from the family and friends they've gotten used to having around), and let your wife stay home..there is just too much at stake putting kids in daycare..

LPMiller · 03-22-2005, 12:00 PM

And yet, kids survive the horrors of daycare all the time.

mcs328 · 03-22-2005, 12:07 PM

I rather not put them in daycare. I have a big family and we all live in the DC Metro area except one in Georgia. So for decades we've seen everyone almost each thanksgiving, xmas, new years, chinese new years, 4th of july, graduation, wedding, funeral, birthday, new addition, medical emergency, road trip and occasional random encounter at a restaurant, mall, movie or (strip)/club. It's like a small time mafia.

Anyways if it was me I rather try to stay in the area without the daycare and see how it works out. If it didn't then I guess option 2 would be better for your future child and special event trips to see family or vice versa.

Johnnymac · 03-22-2005, 08:03 PM

Thanks for the responses we are sure we won't do daycare outside of our family but we are still unsure on what to do. My feeling is that we will take our time and go check out some of the areas we think we may like and go from there.

hoey222 · 03-23-2005, 11:59 AM

ok - having just gone through a similar situation......

is there any chance of just refinancing your house??? - lower interest rate, for a new 30 year term and cash out some of that equity.....we did that - it helped a lot.

we found a daycare that lets us do a couple days a week, as needed - mostly for me to do my consulting. baby's not in daycare full time and you can still make up that income you need.

i put family first - you may be poor now - but you can catch up later. if you can pay the bills and live comfortably, do it - they're only little once.

brainsmile · 03-23-2005, 12:09 PM

daycare sucks... kids biting other kids and learning terrible habits and words. My kids stay with family and believe me there is a noticeable difference.

gaemul · 03-30-2005, 01:46 PM

on how often you actually go spend time with your family. If you only see them once or twice a year now then just move to NC and you can come visit once or twice a year. But if you see your family more often, I'd say stay. I used to live in Denver but wanted to be closer to my family so I moved back to Cali.

molecularfire · 03-30-2005, 02:37 PM

You said that you work from home. Is it possible for you to cut back a little and take care of the kids while your wife works full time? That way you don't have to move and the money issue might not be as bad.

03-21-2005, 07:59 PM	#1
Johnnymac Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: VA Posts: 749	Should I Move? My wife and I are expecting our first child in a couple of months and we have some difficult decisions to make regarding work/childcare. We both work full-time now and things are going great. We have no debt besides our mortgage, no car payments and we are able to put away a decent amount of cash each month into our retirement plan and general savings accounts. We have made the decision not to put our children in daycare. My wife will be able to work a few days a week and our family will be able pitch in and watch the baby. The catch is that she is not going to be making close to what she is making now and will be getting paid significantly less than we thought she would be. She will still be making enough that it will allow us to pay the bills and save a little bit but not much beyond that. The other option we have is to sell our house and to move to Charlottesville or to the Raleigh/Durham area. With the equity we have in our house we will be able to buy a new place with a greatly reduced mortgage and my wife would not have to work at all. We would still be able to save a significant amount of money as well. I work from my home so my job will not be affected. The catch is that our family is all in the DC area and we are having a hard time imaging living that far from them. I believe it is important that my children be close to their cousins and we are very close to our siblings. What would you do if you were in my situation? Well it looks like I put this in the wrong forum, it was meant for the softer side moved Last edited by Got Apex Moderator : 03-21-2005 at 08:06 PM.

03-21-2005, 09:02 PM	#2
Jenny Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: Kansas City area Posts: 10,947	In my opinion, if you can afford to stay near your family with the relationship it sounds like you have, do it. We spent the first 5 years of my son's life living in the same town as Scott's parents and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I think it benefitted him and THEM to be near each other. He formed a bond and a relationship that is fantastic and now that we live 4 hrs from them, the bond is still there and strong. Then I look at my niece & nephew... My niece was in the same town as them for the first 2 or 3 years and my nephew has never lived in the same town. My niece has a much closer bond with them than my nephew and it shows. Just my 2¢. __________________ Check out my spoilers for over 20 shows @ SpoilerFix.com Check out my TV blog, where I post weekly & daily TV schedules, TV news, interviews with TV stars & more! All new TV forums as well @ TV Is My Pacifier

03-21-2005, 09:49 PM	#3
Boomer Lieutenant Junior Grade Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 60	cruising forums My uninformed .02. I think it's a priority for your kid(s) to be with their own primary family (you and wife), rather than in day care. __________________ boomer

03-22-2005, 12:33 AM	#5
Memo Admiral Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: East Village Posts: 5,659	Yes.

03-22-2005, 01:23 AM	#6
Showtime Lakers fanatic Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: L.A. ->SoCal<- O.C. Posts: 7,338	The value of having family around you is immeasurable. -j __________________ NBA REPORT 10-11/ The 3-Peat! 1948 1949 1950 1952 1953 1954 1972 1980 1982 1985 1987 1988 2000 2001 2002 2009 2010 Reigning NBA CHAMPS!

03-22-2005, 12:25 AM	#4
zippyjuan Picture of the Day Guru Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Sunny San Diego Posts: 8,756	The economics also often favor one parent not working- once you include a possible second car plus its gas and insurance and higher tax bracket on dual income, and paying for the childcare- most people do not actually take home much more money than if one was not working. I think it will also be good to have all the family around. My parents moved away when I was little and I have cousins and aunts and uncles that I did not see for 25 years! I finally went back a couple of years ago for my grandparent's 70th Anniversary.

03-22-2005, 06:12 AM	#7
nickel Vice Chairwoman, Joint Chieftess of Staff Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Jeterville, NYY Posts: 17,786	stay. that is the reason i stay in the great white north - family.

03-22-2005, 07:42 AM	#8
Mommypooh Commander Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Columbus, Ohio Posts: 1,425	IMHO I think it is better for the child to be with his or her mother. Granted I know family cares just as much about them as you both do. but I still tink it will benefit the child and your wife for them to be together all the time. I had all the help I would have ever needed to continue working and allow my children to be watched by my mother in law, and my Grandmother. But I have found it to be far more rewarding to be home watching my children grow, watching the new things they learn, and just fostering a great relationship that we have. I would say move and let your wife be a stay at home. You can always visit family, and she can always take a long weekend and let the children visit with family even if you are working. __________________ Married to my High School sweetheart and Best Friend BigJon Mommy to Gabby (03/03), Cameron (01/05), and Magnus (09/07)

03-22-2005, 07:46 AM	#9
oblongmelon Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: In a nutshell Posts: 9,678	Get the smaller mortgage, (now! before the kids are all born and then you have to rip them away from the family and friends they've gotten used to having around), and let your wife stay home..there is just too much at stake putting kids in daycare..

03-22-2005, 12:00 PM	#10
LPMiller Chief News Editor & Master of His Domain Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Minnesota Posts: 8,160	And yet, kids survive the horrors of daycare all the time. __________________ lpmiller Chief News Editor Nobel Prize Nominee Reverend in the Universal Life Church Once Shot A Man For Snoring Too Loud Way Too Lazy To Change His Signature "The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference." - Calvin and Hobbes

03-22-2005, 12:07 PM	#11
mcs328 Admiral Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Maryland Posts: 6,577	I rather not put them in daycare. I have a big family and we all live in the DC Metro area except one in Georgia. So for decades we've seen everyone almost each thanksgiving, xmas, new years, chinese new years, 4th of july, graduation, wedding, funeral, birthday, new addition, medical emergency, road trip and occasional random encounter at a restaurant, mall, movie or (strip)/club. It's like a small time mafia. Anyways if it was me I rather try to stay in the area without the daycare and see how it works out. If it didn't then I guess option 2 would be better for your future child and special event trips to see family or vice versa. __________________

03-22-2005, 08:03 PM	#12
Johnnymac Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: VA Posts: 749	Thanks for the responses we are sure we won't do daycare outside of our family but we are still unsure on what to do. My feeling is that we will take our time and go check out some of the areas we think we may like and go from there.

03-23-2005, 11:59 AM	#13
hoey222 Rear Admiral Lower Half Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: a little more to the left Posts: 2,426	ok - having just gone through a similar situation...... is there any chance of just refinancing your house??? - lower interest rate, for a new 30 year term and cash out some of that equity.....we did that - it helped a lot. we found a daycare that lets us do a couple days a week, as needed - mostly for me to do my consulting. baby's not in daycare full time and you can still make up that income you need. i put family first - you may be poor now - but you can catch up later. if you can pay the bills and live comfortably, do it - they're only little once. __________________ i have become comfortably numb......

03-23-2005, 12:09 PM	#14
brainsmile Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: woah... why is welfareloser here with me so early in the morning and more importantly why am I wearing her clothes?!? Posts: 13,754	daycare sucks... kids biting other kids and learning terrible habits and words. My kids stay with family and believe me there is a noticeable difference. __________________ ********************************** DCM #1 (Founder) "Nobody beats Vitus Gerulaitis 18 times in a row." - Vitus Gerulaitis on beating Jimmy Connors after 17 failed attempts.

03-30-2005, 01:46 PM	#15
gaemul Lieutenant Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Sacramento Posts: 364	depends on how often you actually go spend time with your family. If you only see them once or twice a year now then just move to NC and you can come visit once or twice a year. But if you see your family more often, I'd say stay. I used to live in Denver but wanted to be closer to my family so I moved back to Cali.

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03-30-2005, 02:37 PM	#16
molecularfire Admiral Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Walking through a lemon grove looking for one good orange Posts: 6,134	You said that you work from home. Is it possible for you to cut back a little and take care of the kids while your wife works full time? That way you don't have to move and the money issue might not be as bad. __________________ Disclaimer - The above opinion should not be taken as medical advise. My only advise is to talk to your doctor. If you are stupid enough to take anything I say seriously, you have nobody to blame for your cranio-anal inversion but your stupid self. I may not be smart enough to do everything but I am dumb enough to try anything. - Beastboy.

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