The Story of a New Divorcee

johnnymk · 06-09-2005, 10:42 PM

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle
of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room
and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the
hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the ex-husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for
the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried
everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were
checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners
were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas
canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the
end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing
worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work
in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any
longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut
their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return
their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the
bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man (ex-husband) and asked how things were
going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely
and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to
reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10 of what the house had been worth, but only if
she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the
hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his
girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack
everything to take to their new home,......... including the curtain
rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

oblongmelon · 06-09-2005, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnnymk

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle
of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room
and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the
hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the ex-husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for
the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried
everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were
checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners
were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas
canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the
end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing
worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work
in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any
longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut
their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return
their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the
bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man (ex-husband) and asked how things were
going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely
and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to
reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10 of what the house had been worth, but only if
she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the
hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his
girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack
everything to take to their new home,......... including the curtain
rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Ha! Smart woman.

brainsmile · 06-09-2005, 11:43 PM

classic

hapoo · 06-10-2005, 12:23 AM

too bad we don't know why they split up. Coulda very well been her fault and now the biatch wants the house too.

Jenny · 06-10-2005, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hapoo

too bad we don't know why they split up. Coulda very well been her fault and now the biatch wants the house too.

Mr Cynical!

Or should I say, Little Johnnymk

(J/k both of you. lol)

hapoo · 06-10-2005, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenny

Mr Cynical!

Or should I say, Little Johnnymk

(J/k both of you. lol)

hehe i guess
having never screwed around myself i guess i just think its more likely on the other end.

ufcrusher · 06-10-2005, 02:43 AM

Urban myth......which I heard for the first time many moons ago. In other versions, she put whole shrimp with no caviar in them. As well as a statement that the husbands mistress who was moving in demanded that she leave the curtains even though the wife had made them. The wife after disputing it agreed and was told to vacate the house by X day when husband and mistress would return from their weekend holiday. On the last night, she put them in the curtain rods and left.

It also went on about how they had professional cleaners, tore down the walls, disposed of rugs etc.

WhiskeyPapa · 06-10-2005, 07:12 AM

I guess I never thought it was real... But then I don't believe anything on the internet.

nickel · 06-10-2005, 08:49 AM

we can always hope it actually did happen

cadetevon · 06-10-2005, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickel

we can always hope it actually did happen

Or at least something like it, eh?

Gothic Girl · 06-10-2005, 09:58 AM

That's great! I love vengeful people!

BrewMaster · 06-10-2005, 11:08 AM

I played a practical joke like this on some friends in college. They started the sh*t so this was payback, but I used rotting fruit and I put it in every damn nook and cranny in their dorm room. In the the hanging shoe racks, back of closets, inside speakers, the back of the highest shelf, in the air vent, inside the desk frame, under the mattress, you name it. That place smelled like satan himself had taken a wicked dump in there. They were finding pieces of rotting fruit until the day they moved out. They never f*cked with us (me and my roommate) again and we are all still friends.

hapoo · 06-10-2005, 01:12 PM

lol thats just wrong brew. lol funny but wrong

Thesifer · 06-10-2005, 02:09 PM

Urban Myths sometimes tend to be funnier than the truth

johnnymk · 06-10-2005, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thesifer

Urban Myths sometimes tend to be funnier than the truth

I had this feeling she lived in Suburbia.

BrewMaster · 06-10-2005, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hapoo

lol thats just wrong brew. lol funny but wrong

i think i forgot to mention it, but they were women too. it all started when one of them put a banana in my shampoo bottle. it was a clear bottle so it was a pretty stupid prank since you could see the banana in there....

DarkFury · 06-10-2005, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrewMaster

i think i forgot to mention it, but they were women too. it all started when one of them put a banana in my shampoo bottle. it was a clear bottle so it was a pretty stupid prank since you could see the banana in there....

Well honestly, that was pretty harsh payback for a piece of banana in your shampoo...

I could understand maybe an apple in their hair gel... but rotting fruit all over the house? Geez....

Note to self... don't piss Brew off... 'cause he'll take it to the "next level".

Thesifer · 06-10-2005, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkFury

Note to self... don't piss Brew off... 'cause he'll take it to the "next level".

Just think what would happen if you Pee'd in his Cheerios!..

Paniolo · 06-11-2005, 09:03 PM

Don't get mad...get even...

06-09-2005, 10:42 PM	#1
johnnymk Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: May 2000 Location: LEVITTOWN< PA> USA Posts: 13,621	The Story of a New Divorcee She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the ex-husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man (ex-husband) and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10 of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home,......... including the curtain rods. I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU? __________________ “Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.” (Winston Churchill)

06-09-2005, 11:43 PM	#3
brainsmile Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: woah... why is welfareloser here with me so early in the morning and more importantly why am I wearing her clothes?!? Posts: 13,754	classic __________________ ********************************** DCM #1 (Founder) "Nobody beats Vitus Gerulaitis 18 times in a row." - Vitus Gerulaitis on beating Jimmy Connors after 17 failed attempts.

06-10-2005, 02:43 AM	#7
ufcrusher Admiral Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Boca Raton, FL: By way of: Poway, CA; Gainesville, Fl; Penn Valley, Pa. Posts: 5,680	Urban myth......which I heard for the first time many moons ago. In other versions, she put whole shrimp with no caviar in them. As well as a statement that the husbands mistress who was moving in demanded that she leave the curtains even though the wife had made them. The wife after disputing it agreed and was told to vacate the house by X day when husband and mistress would return from their weekend holiday. On the last night, she put them in the curtain rods and left. It also went on about how they had professional cleaners, tore down the walls, disposed of rugs etc. __________________ Welcome my son, welcome to the machine...Where have you been? It's alright we know where you've been....

06-10-2005, 07:12 AM	#8
WhiskeyPapa Rear Admiral Upper Half Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: 45° 11' 35" North Latitude, 95° 8' 37" West Longitude Posts: 3,427	I guess I never thought it was real... But then I don't believe anything on the internet. __________________

06-10-2005, 08:49 AM	#9
nickel Vice Chairwoman, Joint Chieftess of Staff Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Jeterville, NYY Posts: 17,786	we can always hope it actually did happen __________________ click me

06-10-2005, 12:23 AM	#4
hapoo Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield USA Posts: 9,276	too bad we don't know why they split up. Coulda very well been her fault and now the biatch wants the house too.

06-10-2005, 09:58 AM	#11
Gothic Girl Rear Admiral Lower Half Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Somewhere else that's similar to hell... kind of... maybe Posts: 2,362	That's great! I love vengeful people!

06-10-2005, 11:08 AM	#12
BrewMaster Ruler-Of-All-Things-Beer Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Pasadena, CA Posts: 10,249	I played a practical joke like this on some friends in college. They started the sht so this was payback, but I used rotting fruit and I put it in every damn nook and cranny in their dorm room. In the the hanging shoe racks, back of closets, inside speakers, the back of the highest shelf, in the air vent, inside the desk frame, under the mattress, you name it. That place smelled like satan himself had taken a wicked dump in there. They were finding pieces of rotting fruit until the day they moved out. They never fcked with us (me and my roommate) again and we are all still friends. __________________ respect beer.

06-10-2005, 01:12 PM	#13
hapoo Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield USA Posts: 9,276	lol thats just wrong brew. lol funny but wrong

06-10-2005, 02:09 PM	#14
Thesifer Vice Admiral Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 4,338	Urban Myths sometimes tend to be funnier than the truth __________________

06-11-2005, 09:03 PM	#19
Paniolo Admiral Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 6,221	My favorite motto.... Don't get mad...get even...

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