How young is too young for marraige?

ialsohaveadream · 06-23-2005, 07:36 PM

I used to work with at-risk teens, and I still stop in to check on them every once in a while to see how they're doing. Today I found out that one of the girls had gotten married. At first, that made me feel old, but then I realized that the girl couldn't be very old. In fact, she's 17. To make matters worse, she only got married so she could move out of her parents' house (something I definitely approve of, even if I'm not a fan of her methods).

This bothered me for most of the day, and then I got to thinking: Would it have still been as disappointing if she were 18? 19? 20? How young do you guys think is too young?

johnnymk · 06-23-2005, 07:48 PM

65-70

DarkFury · 06-23-2005, 07:52 PM

Heh... is there EVER a right time?

I say... after you are legal and self supporting and find the person who is right for you.

If you don't have those things, then no age is really appropriate.

zippyjuan · 06-23-2005, 08:05 PM

A friend of mine was hosting a party for a girl who was getting married for the second time. She has a kid from the first one. And just turned 18. Talk about starting too young!

gear02 · 06-23-2005, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippyjuan

A friend of mine was hosting a party for a girl who was getting married for the second time. She has a kid from the first one. And just turned 18. Talk about starting too young!

wow...I say 18 is the age where you can start getting married. I don't think you know what you're doing before then.

ray · 06-23-2005, 09:30 PM

Once you can vote, I say you're mature enough to get married. So, 18 years old is the youngest i'd go.

Jenny · 06-23-2005, 09:31 PM

I was going to say 20 then realized I would be a hypocrit. lol I got married at 19. We've been married almost 9 years now so obvoiusly it wasn't too bad a decision.

avlena · 06-24-2005, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkFury

Heh... is there EVER a right time?

I say... after you are legal and self supporting and find the person who is right for you.

If you don't have those things, then no age is really appropriate.

mental age is a lot more important then physical age, in my opinion. i think it's important that before marrying a person has at least lived independantly for awhile, have a reasonably steady job, and be an overall responsible & mature person.

if you must have an age, I think that high school is definitely too young, because you are highly unlikely to have achieved any level of independence at that point, nor have a steady job.

DarkFury · 06-24-2005, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by avlena

mental age is a lot more important then physical age, in my opinion. i think it's important that before marrying a person has at least lived independantly for awhile, have a reasonably steady job, and be an overall responsible & mature person.

if you must have an age, I think that high school is definitely too young, because you are highly unlikely to have achieved any level of independence at that point, nor have a steady job.

Yeah... all of that is part of the "self supporting" part.

Jane83 · 06-24-2005, 12:46 AM

i personally dont think girls should get married until they hit at least 23, and guys shouldnt marry until they reach their late twenties, around 28+
i know a few people who got married WAY too young, like 19-22 and they just end up not being too happy, not have been able to enjoy their fun times and eventually just ended up getting pregnant within a year.
yea,...just my 2 cents

kimchicowboy · 06-24-2005, 12:52 AM

yeah. with avlena, no level of independence, especially financially independence. it's ok to screw up finances if you're on your own, but not if you're in a family.

InfiniteNothing · 06-24-2005, 12:55 AM

I don't really have a reason here but I feel like people should get married after they're done with their education

riskykougra · 06-24-2005, 06:38 AM

I think people should wait till they are a little bit older and have had the opportunity to experience life a little bit. Then they will never feel like they missed out on something. Or if they do get married young...at least hold off on having children so you still have the freedom to do what you want and to make sure you are financially stable. Nothing screams divorce louder than constantly fighting over finances. As for the girl who got married to get out of her parents house...well that just isnt a good reason. You can get out without getting into another situation you may regret. You should marry for love and companionship...not to escape...which is what most of us try to do after we realize we were dumb enough to get married.

mcs328 · 06-24-2005, 07:51 AM

After 21 for sure. Get the whole woohoo I'm legal to drink myself to death now thing out of their system. Then an education and a stable job...or not even a stable one but a job and maybe self supporting.

FoxTrot · 06-24-2005, 10:33 AM

With age comes wisdom and accountability. Hopefully those who are brought up with a good example of marriage will see the fruit of waiting for maturity to realize the importance and sanctity of marriage. I agree with others that older is better; but when you know the person is right--there's not point waiting. (I was 29 when I got married. When I met my future spouse, he was leaving for a 3.5 month hiking trip. After he returned, 6 months later we were married. We now have 6 kids and have been married almost 15 years.) I can only thank God for his grace and mercy that he overcame my/our weaknesses.

It is sad to see so many young'ins rush off and marry because they 'feel' good. Even at 29 I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. Emotions/feelings change so frequently they can not be the reason to make major decisions.

I vote for waiting for Gods leading or at least asking a few friends if they think you are making a wise decision. Who knows you better than family and friends???

bachviet · 06-24-2005, 10:41 AM

At least after college (22+)

Burzhui · 06-24-2005, 10:53 AM

23 is too young

Lolita · 06-24-2005, 11:46 AM

I say no earlier than 21 - you have to be able to drink legally at your own wedding!

AlpineJay · 06-24-2005, 01:11 PM

I'll go with 21. Even with reasonable amount of financial basis and some knowledge I know I didn't feel ready at 18 - even at 21 I'm definitely not ready. But I can see some people who can be getting hitched at 21 under the right conditions.

I initially voted 18 but now I changed my mind..

Showtime · 06-24-2005, 01:31 PM

I think I was more ready at 21 then I was at 25. Youth makes you think you can do anything and be ok. As I got older, I becames a lot more cautious. Either way, the right person makes all the difference. With the right person, you can get married at any reasonble time when it is financially doable. Early 20's is fine imo. With the wrong person it's never the right time no matter how well off or old you are.

-j

zero2dash · 06-24-2005, 01:41 PM

I think it's a couple of factors:
-maturity/mental age
-whether you can support yourself and don't rely on others (full time job, own/lease your own car, pay rent/car payments/insurance etc)
-know enough about the other person

I think it's safe to say there's a different age for everyone, but, I think legally it should be 21. A lot of 18-21 y/o might be pissed they can't get married yet, but it would help cut down on the divorce rate because most people under 21 are foolish and make decisions they regret overnight (*cough* emergency contraceptive cause I didn't want to wear a condom *cough*).

Grimm · 06-24-2005, 03:21 PM

Maturity is learned behavior.

If we taught our kids to be mature and responsable by the age of 12 then they could get married by the age of 12. But we teach them that they are not responsable for anything untill they are 18, and they still haven't (in most cases) learned to be mature by that age. It take them another 3 - 7 years to learn to be responsable after that. So, as things currently stand, Americans shouldn't get married untill they are 21 to 25, depending on the individual.

smeakim · 06-24-2005, 03:59 PM

My wife was 19 and I was 22 when we got married. You shouldn't base marriage on physical things. You have to be mature, but just like when having kids, you can't wait till you have enough money because that will never happen. I have seen plenty of people wait till they get older, and get divorced. We have been married six years and have been together for 8, but we are on the same page. We aren't having kids right away and enjoying the time together buying toys, going out, and traveling. We are probably very mature for a couple our age. We have a house, two cars, travel, and have a retirement plan, and we are both under 30. Not saying others aren't as mature, but there is not a person we have that doesn't remark about how we are and what we are like. It all depends on the person. Just look at those people who have been married 60 and 75 years they didn't get married when they were 30 (some maybe).

ialsohaveadream · 06-24-2005, 04:04 PM

Did I word the poll badly, or are there really at least 6 of you who think that getting married at 16 is fine? (Right now, 6 of you have chosen "younger than 16" as being too young)

CrystalDuck · 06-24-2005, 04:10 PM

I think most people should wait until after collage just because only then will they have any clue what they want to do with their lives. What if you go to college to be an engineer, but you realize there that you actually want to be an FBI agent and travel a lot?

But the situation is different when you accidentally find your soul mate in high school or even younger. If a young couple has been together for a while and are really in love, and they think that marriage will make their lives better, and hopefully have some family and friends support, why not? Maybe they should be self-sufficient first, but where is the rule written? It's not a rule. You can still depend on your family while starting your own family. Having their own kids is a different story though. Easily available effective birth control has really changed this debate.

ShawnLee · 06-24-2005, 05:02 PM

I think that the poll is ambiguous. What most people seem to be noting is when they were ready to be married. I think the honest answer is that I can't talk about anyone else. In context to your question, yes this marriage happened way too early, but as an absolute minimum? I think 17 can be fine.

Let's look at it this way. The context of marriage is important too. Societally, marraige can be looked at as a legal trust, and as that context changes, the legal trust does as well. I'm not saying I'm for a fluid definition of marriage, since y'all know where I stand with that, but I am saying that societal approximations of when a person is truly capable of being an independent person should be the minimum age.

Thus, back in the day in Korea, my grandparents got married in their teens and were happily so until my grandmother passed away. If I got married when I was a teen, there'd be far more trouble now since it takes a lot more maturity to live in the societal context here in Southern California as an American with blah blah blah responsibilities. Of course, that could change even as you go from region to region in the states. So, I think worldwide, minimum age? I'd say 17.

MikeD · 06-24-2005, 09:22 PM

My wife and I had a child when she was 19 and I was 22, but we didn't get married until 24 and 27. It's not an age thing, it's a maturity thing. I've seen 20 year old kids get married who I thought had a hell of a better shot at making then some 30 or 35 year olds.

If the couple is compatible and mature enough to handle the give-and-take of marriage, then 19 or 20 is fine. You can't pigeonhole someone simply because they're young...

booger73 · 06-24-2005, 10:08 PM

Does this have anything to do with the other thread re: Living together before marriage?

Anyways.. my extra spin on it is that females and males tend to be on different 'schedules' with regards to age.. and that if you compare a 20-24 yo female to a 20-24 yo male, they'll be at different points in their life with regards to experiences, wants, needs, goals and aspects for the future, and they're usually totally different at that age..

... add on to the fact that seemingly more people (women) these days are more concentrating on careers (than families) - given the ability to be able to have children later in life, that throws it off..

molecularfire · 06-25-2005, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jane83

i personally dont think girls should get married until they hit at least 23, and guys shouldnt marry until they reach their late twenties, around 28+

I think 28 year old guys should be marrying 23 year old girls. You have any 23 year old female (yes nickel, I said female) friends interested in a geeky 28 year old guy.

Actually, I agree with those who say that it has more to do with maturity level. Unfortunately, often times we're wrong in our guage of our maturity level. For instance, if you asked me a year ago if I thought I was mature enough to get married, I would say yes. Right now, I don't think that is true, I was just wrong a year ago. If I had to say an absolute minimum age to get married, I would probably put it at 17-18 but IMO a VAST, VAST majority of people are not mature enough at that age to get married.

View Poll Results: How young is too young to get married?
Younger than 16	6	13.33%
16	1	2.22%
17	7	15.56%
18	8	17.78%
19	11	24.44%
Older than 19	12	26.67%
Voters: 45. You may not vote on this poll

06-23-2005, 07:36 PM	#1
ialsohaveadream Fleet Admiral Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: FL Posts: 8,077	How young is too young for marraige? I used to work with at-risk teens, and I still stop in to check on them every once in a while to see how they're doing. Today I found out that one of the girls had gotten married. At first, that made me feel old, but then I realized that the girl couldn't be very old. In fact, she's 17. To make matters worse, she only got married so she could move out of her parents' house (something I definitely approve of, even if I'm not a fan of her methods). This bothered me for most of the day, and then I got to thinking: Would it have still been as disappointing if she were 18? 19? 20? How young do you guys think is too young? __________________ Web log

06-23-2005, 07:48 PM	#2
johnnymk Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: May 2000 Location: LEVITTOWN< PA> USA Posts: 13,621	65-70 __________________ “Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.” (Winston Churchill)

06-23-2005, 07:52 PM	#3
DarkFury Secretary of the Navy Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Chillin' N Da 'Hood Posts: 34,997	Heh... is there EVER a right time? I say... after you are legal and self supporting and find the person who is right for you. If you don't have those things, then no age is really appropriate. __________________ DarkFury's Pimptopia - Don't Hate the Playa, Hate the Game! Home of the Original OG Pimp (accept NO imitations)

06-23-2005, 08:05 PM	#4
zippyjuan Picture of the Day Guru Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Sunny San Diego Posts: 8,756	A friend of mine was hosting a party for a girl who was getting married for the second time. She has a kid from the first one. And just turned 18. Talk about starting too young! __________________ I add new pictures to my photo gallery pretty regularly. You can see them here if you are interested: http://www.pbase.com/jeffryz

06-23-2005, 09:30 PM	#6
ray captain awesome Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 7,054	Once you can vote, I say you're mature enough to get married. So, 18 years old is the youngest i'd go.

06-23-2005, 09:31 PM	#7
Jenny Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: Kansas City area Posts: 10,947	I was going to say 20 then realized I would be a hypocrit. lol I got married at 19. We've been married almost 9 years now so obvoiusly it wasn't too bad a decision. __________________ Check out my spoilers for over 20 shows @ SpoilerFix.com Check out my TV blog, where I post weekly & daily TV schedules, TV news, interviews with TV stars & more! All new TV forums as well @ TV Is My Pacifier

06-24-2005, 12:46 AM	#10
Jane83 Commander Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: S. Pasadena Posts: 1,452	i personally dont think girls should get married until they hit at least 23, and guys shouldnt marry until they reach their late twenties, around 28+ i know a few people who got married WAY too young, like 19-22 and they just end up not being too happy, not have been able to enjoy their fun times and eventually just ended up getting pregnant within a year. yea,...just my 2 cents

06-24-2005, 12:52 AM	#11
kimchicowboy Admiral Join Date: May 2000 Location: in the middle of the pacific ocean Posts: 5,344	yeah. with avlena, no level of independence, especially financially independence. it's ok to screw up finances if you're on your own, but not if you're in a family. __________________ "I pick my nose too but never eat it." - bachviet, 3/30/04 if anyone wants to go scuba diving in oahu or wants to learn who to scuba dive in oahu, PM me.

06-24-2005, 12:55 AM	#12
InfiniteNothing Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: San Diego Posts: 10,086	I don't really have a reason here but I feel like people should get married after they're done with their education __________________ As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

06-24-2005, 06:38 AM	#13
riskykougra Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Too close to the North Pole. Posts: 562	I think people should wait till they are a little bit older and have had the opportunity to experience life a little bit. Then they will never feel like they missed out on something. Or if they do get married young...at least hold off on having children so you still have the freedom to do what you want and to make sure you are financially stable. Nothing screams divorce louder than constantly fighting over finances. As for the girl who got married to get out of her parents house...well that just isnt a good reason. You can get out without getting into another situation you may regret. You should marry for love and companionship...not to escape...which is what most of us try to do after we realize we were dumb enough to get married.

06-24-2005, 07:51 AM	#14
mcs328 Admiral Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Maryland Posts: 6,578	After 21 for sure. Get the whole woohoo I'm legal to drink myself to death now thing out of their system. Then an education and a stable job...or not even a stable one but a job and maybe self supporting. __________________

06-24-2005, 10:33 AM	#15
FoxTrot Lieutenant Junior Grade Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: San Diego Posts: 53	With age comes wisdom and accountability. Hopefully those who are brought up with a good example of marriage will see the fruit of waiting for maturity to realize the importance and sanctity of marriage. I agree with others that older is better; but when you know the person is right--there's not point waiting. (I was 29 when I got married. When I met my future spouse, he was leaving for a 3.5 month hiking trip. After he returned, 6 months later we were married. We now have 6 kids and have been married almost 15 years.) I can only thank God for his grace and mercy that he overcame my/our weaknesses. It is sad to see so many young'ins rush off and marry because they 'feel' good. Even at 29 I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. Emotions/feelings change so frequently they can not be the reason to make major decisions. I vote for waiting for Gods leading or at least asking a few friends if they think you are making a wise decision. Who knows you better than family and friends??? __________________ Those who are tardy will not get fruit cup for dessert. --Nurse Diesel (High Anxiety)

06-24-2005, 10:41 AM	#16
bachviet What's Da Pho*? Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: SoCal (714) Posts: 13,296	At least after college (22+) __________________ Dell Dimension 9200 \| Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600 (2.4GHz) \| 4x1GB DDR2 \| 256MB nVidia GeForce 8800GT Dell Studio 17 \| Intel Core i7-720QM (1.6GHz) \| 2x2GB DDR3 1066MHz \| 1GHz ATI Mobility Radeon HD 4650 Intel P4-C 3.0GHz \| ECS 865PE-A \| 3x512MB PC3200 \| 128MB PNY GeForce 6600GT

06-24-2005, 10:53 AM	#17
Burzhui hot in velour pants Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: New York City Posts: 9,198	23 is too young __________________ ____________________ IF A FAT GIRL FALLS IN THE WOODS DO THE TREES LAUGH?

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06-24-2005, 11:46 AM	#18
Lolita Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: New York Posts: 863	I say no earlier than 21 - you have to be able to drink legally at your own wedding! __________________ There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.

06-24-2005, 01:11 PM	#19
AlpineJay Commander Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Medford, MA Posts: 1,011	I'll go with 21. Even with reasonable amount of financial basis and some knowledge I know I didn't feel ready at 18 - even at 21 I'm definitely not ready. But I can see some people who can be getting hitched at 21 under the right conditions. I initially voted 18 but now I changed my mind.. __________________ If con is the opposite of pro, then what's the opposite of progress?

06-24-2005, 01:31 PM	#20
Showtime Lakers fanatic Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: L.A. ->SoCal<- O.C. Posts: 7,338	I think I was more ready at 21 then I was at 25. Youth makes you think you can do anything and be ok. As I got older, I becames a lot more cautious. Either way, the right person makes all the difference. With the right person, you can get married at any reasonble time when it is financially doable. Early 20's is fine imo. With the wrong person it's never the right time no matter how well off or old you are. -j __________________ NBA REPORT 10-11/ The 3-Peat! 1948 1949 1950 1952 1953 1954 1972 1980 1982 1985 1987 1988 2000 2001 2002 2009 2010 Reigning NBA CHAMPS!

06-24-2005, 01:41 PM	#21
zero2dash Commander Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Fenton, MO - but I wish I was at the beach. ANY beach. Posts: 1,367	I think it's a couple of factors: -maturity/mental age -whether you can support yourself and don't rely on others (full time job, own/lease your own car, pay rent/car payments/insurance etc) -know enough about the other person I think it's safe to say there's a different age for everyone, but, I think legally it should be 21. A lot of 18-21 y/o might be pissed they can't get married yet, but it would help cut down on the divorce rate because most people under 21 are foolish and make decisions they regret overnight (cough emergency contraceptive cause I didn't want to wear a condom cough).

06-24-2005, 03:21 PM	#22
Grimm 100% Pure Evil Join Date: Sep 2000 Posts: 7,861	Maturity is learned behavior. If we taught our kids to be mature and responsable by the age of 12 then they could get married by the age of 12. But we teach them that they are not responsable for anything untill they are 18, and they still haven't (in most cases) learned to be mature by that age. It take them another 3 - 7 years to learn to be responsable after that. So, as things currently stand, Americans shouldn't get married untill they are 21 to 25, depending on the individual.

06-24-2005, 03:59 PM	#23
smeakim Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: CO Posts: 690	It Just Depends My wife was 19 and I was 22 when we got married. You shouldn't base marriage on physical things. You have to be mature, but just like when having kids, you can't wait till you have enough money because that will never happen. I have seen plenty of people wait till they get older, and get divorced. We have been married six years and have been together for 8, but we are on the same page. We aren't having kids right away and enjoying the time together buying toys, going out, and traveling. We are probably very mature for a couple our age. We have a house, two cars, travel, and have a retirement plan, and we are both under 30. Not saying others aren't as mature, but there is not a person we have that doesn't remark about how we are and what we are like. It all depends on the person. Just look at those people who have been married 60 and 75 years they didn't get married when they were 30 (some maybe).

06-24-2005, 04:04 PM	#24
ialsohaveadream Fleet Admiral Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: FL Posts: 8,077	Did I word the poll badly, or are there really at least 6 of you who think that getting married at 16 is fine? (Right now, 6 of you have chosen "younger than 16" as being too young)

06-24-2005, 04:10 PM	#25
CrystalDuck Lieutenant Junior Grade Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: San Diego Posts: 163	I think most people should wait until after collage just because only then will they have any clue what they want to do with their lives. What if you go to college to be an engineer, but you realize there that you actually want to be an FBI agent and travel a lot? But the situation is different when you accidentally find your soul mate in high school or even younger. If a young couple has been together for a while and are really in love, and they think that marriage will make their lives better, and hopefully have some family and friends support, why not? Maybe they should be self-sufficient first, but where is the rule written? It's not a rule. You can still depend on your family while starting your own family. Having their own kids is a different story though. Easily available effective birth control has really changed this debate. __________________

06-24-2005, 09:22 PM	#27
MikeD President, Cowboys Nation Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: In the 'burbs, west of D.C. Posts: 5,139	My wife and I had a child when she was 19 and I was 22, but we didn't get married until 24 and 27. It's not an age thing, it's a maturity thing. I've seen 20 year old kids get married who I thought had a hell of a better shot at making then some 30 or 35 year olds. If the couple is compatible and mature enough to handle the give-and-take of marriage, then 19 or 20 is fine. You can't pigeonhole someone simply because they're young... __________________

06-24-2005, 10:08 PM	#28
booger73 Lieutenant Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Virginia Posts: 234	Does this have anything to do with the other thread re: Living together before marriage? Anyways.. my extra spin on it is that females and males tend to be on different 'schedules' with regards to age.. and that if you compare a 20-24 yo female to a 20-24 yo male, they'll be at different points in their life with regards to experiences, wants, needs, goals and aspects for the future, and they're usually totally different at that age.. ... add on to the fact that seemingly more people (women) these days are more concentrating on careers (than families) - given the ability to be able to have children later in life, that throws it off..

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