LegendKiller

Steph and I have been doing the whole registry bit for the past month or so, she is doing most of the work and I am just kinda nodding along.

One thing I have noticed is how commercial and consumption centric the whole process has become. Stores encourage you to scan the whole frickin place, saying you will get a 10% discount 2 years after and another 5 if you charge it up on the CC.

Another thing I notice is the perception of declining goods quality, especially in the higher "yuppie" segments. Pottery Barn is probably the most disturbing out of all of them. Geared as a quality store, most of their products have a thin veneer of shine to them, with craptastical composition underneath, it seems to fit with the people that work there. Looks good, made of crap, and certainly way overpriced, much like many of the people shopping there.

Most encouraged scanning the whole store, furniture and all. I would doubtful of this, looking at their "worn" furniture, I got the impression that it was garbage.

They also have a feature where you can track who bought what from your registry. I find this really appalling.

Looking at other people's registry seems to see a repeat of this trend. High priced goods stacked in there at the prodding of the stores. People load up on garbage just before they get married, hoping to move into that big condo/apartment where they could fit it all.


I guess I am disillusioned by the whole wedding process. Not with the fact that I am getting married, but by the fact that the process has been so corrupted. Cakes costing in the thousands of dollars, dresses in the multiples of that, flowers costing just as much.

Where does reasonability end and insanity begin?

Steph and I were watching some wedding show on TLC, tracking 3 couples. Two gay guys, a man and woman guido/guidette couple from NJ, and some prissy Boca biotch and her PW'd fiance.

The gay guys had a simple wedding, albiet tacky since they died their hair rainbows. The guido/guidette threatened the late limo driver with "I am going to gut you like a fish".

The prissy boca chick quit her job to plan a 120k wedding full time. The cake alone was 4k, her dress something similar or more.



Then there's one of my college friends (actually stephs friend, mine by proxy). She wants her electrician boyfriend, whom she stole 3k from and kicks out every 9 days, to buy her a 17k engagement ring. Yeah, he makes about 30k, she makes the same.


This whole process has left me dazed and wondering what the hell we are doing as a society. One only needs to look as far as China to see how horrible companies have twisted tradition, thank you DeBeers.

cheapie

interesting. we po' folk registerd at target and jcpennies. didn't really have that prob.

of course our wedding cost maybe $4k. tops.

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InfiniteNothing

Somewhat on subject. Get an amazon registry it keeps track of who bought what with their adresses. It's just a good place that has a wide variety of things for any budget (need $70 knives? $6 3 pack socks?) and it's easy to add notes. You can even tell people it would be okay to buy it somewhere else (as long as they let you know). It also makes for a good joint birthday/christmas gift registry thereafter. That way people will get you what you really want.

And this is very important: make sure to include those little registry cards you get from the department stores (and print some out for amazon) in your invitations. Alot of places say that's rude but if you don't expect many many craptacular gifts with no gift receipt

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cheapie

birthday/christmas gift registry? that's kinda...sick imho.

ray

kimchicowboy

dude, my friend straight up had his registry at sears and rei cuz he and his fiancee already had every domestic thing they needed.

so, he put up a registry for tools, DIY books (like home maintenance), etc at sears. and sporting goods for him and his fiancee at REI. i think that's pretty smart.

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LegendKiller

I am all for a 4k wedding, or vegas. However, society as a whole has brainwashed most women to think that a huge wedding will solve all of their problems. Luckily Steph is a bit more reasonable and isn't asking for anything crazy expensive.

The registry though, is another matter. China, silverware, stemware...etc. It's stuff that we'll probably need in the future for dinner parties and such, but things that I just find to be pretty overpriced.

We do lack many of the better utensils, so it will be nice to "upgrade" and then donate what we have, but all in, I find the whole process a little frustrating in the rampant consumerism.

CornMonkey

if my fiancee and i didn't have parents to appease, we would have done the elope-to-vegas thing. i thought i read somewhere that weddings are a $100+billion business. i've become very disillusioned by the whole wedding process as well.

photos, flowers, videos, etc...all exorbitantly priced because...ppl love getting married. one videographer was charging $2,000+ for a video package that a friend of mine could do BETTER for FREE! if there's anything i learned during this wedding planning experience, it's that you don't need to be great at what you do to earn big $$$ in the wedding business. throw in the word "wedding" to any of your product/services and you'll get revenue...

well, anyhoo, about registries, my fiancee and i registered at Macy's and Amazon.com. i like amazon's registry cuz they tend to be so much cheaper than anywhere else.

as for birthday/christmas gift registries, i think it's a great idea. the wish list on amazon really helps. people always say i'm hard to shop for. but with the wish list, ppl know exactly what to get for me.

InfiniteNothing

They always ask what I want and I'm like . This is just a convenient way of telling people and compiling what you want as gifts. if you don't want to use it to get me a gift you don't have to


Amazon does have some pretty good deals. But seriously, don't get pushed around with what you want to do with your wedding. You only have to appease 2 people. Small is humble and humble is respectable. In retrospect, there's only a few things you may need to spend alot on: (A. is a good phototographer)

bachviet

Do it the Asian (Chinese/Vietnames) way and collect cash only as gifts. No registry is needed.

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InfiniteNothing

Also (by coincidence) the drug addicts way.

CrystalDuck

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sizemic1

I think your problem is all the stuff that's she's registering for is girlie foo-foo stuff. Home Depot has a gift registry too you know! Go in there and scan some wood or something and feel like a man again.

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ooBaKeep

Skip the registry and send out deposit slips to your bank with the wedding invites. Everyone will be happier.

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Grimm

That's whacked.
Even the evil DeBeers empire would tell him that the right spending amount for him would be $7500. Her expectatins are entirely unrealistic. You think that they have a cance at a marriage? It's not gonna happen. She wants someone who makes $68,000 a year or more. If that's important to her, someone who makes $30k is gonna be miserable trying to support her.

mcs328

I don't expect my registry to have anything over 100 bucks. I'm always leery of rich families buying up the cheap stuff and all the poor folk left to choose the pricey stuff at the cost of drinking water and eating bread for a month.

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LegendKiller

Feh, I am fortunate some of my family are even coming, I let them know indirectly that I do not expect any gifts from them, just happy they are there.

As far as tools and stuff, I am not that much into it, can't do anything to an apartment anyway. Not much I need/want anyway, so I let steph work on it.

ufcrusher

First off, whatever you do, DONT put registry cards in with your invitations. Its tacky and begging for a gift. People do notice these things and comment on them, even if you dont hear about it. Relatively recently one of my friends who knew the rule did it and then apologized to me and a few other friends about it. Apparently his fiance (now wife) was the one who did it without checking with him. Lets just say that I (and many of our other friends) dont particularly care for her that much.

When it comes to registries, make sure that you split up your list among the different locations, but dont put the same thing on each list unless you compensate for it. I.e. - A Henckels Pro-S cleaver listed at Macys and another Henckles Pro-S cleaver listed at Robinsons May is an unwise move. However listing 6 Lismore clarets at Macys and 6 at Robinsons May would be fine since it makes up your 12.

Dont put a bunch of crap that you dont want, but dont shy away from putting some stuff on there that you would love to have, but would never buy on your own.

We tried to give a nice range of prices with the majority being in the $50-$150 range. Although we did have a bunch of items that were in the $400+ category. If people dont want to spend the money on you for the items on the registry list, they will either give you money, a gift of their chosing, or nothing what-so-ever. That last one is the most annoying when they were a forced invite or somehow cost you extra due to bringing an unexpected/uninvited quest. Even with giving a wide range of gifts, we stillgot a bunch of weird/interesting gifts and even some downright crappy ones. (My wifes aunt gave us a bunch of cajun spices....we thought it was a joke until she didnt give us anything else..suffice it to say, when it came to her daughters wedding we were adult about it) People will give you what they want to give you, enough said.

As for the pain of the wedding....it all adds up really really really fast. Dont be surprised if you pass the $35k mark when you planned on spending a lot less. What ends up happening is you are already spending so much on these things that you start looking at things slightly differently.

Good luck.

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InfiniteNothing

Pffft... let people talk. Watch how much I care -> Many people don't know the rule and assume you don't have a registry if you don't put the little card in.

Now that I've thought about it, I can think of two exceptions: I wouldn't stick the card in to poor relatives who are going to knit you an afghan, and don't put the card into the invitation of anyone (that you like) who might care about the rule (a possible litmus test is if they wish the groom "congratulations" but wish the bride "best wishes" with no irony).

I think communication is the bigger issue (in the anecdote) than the registry cards.

LegendKiller

Nah, Steph wouldn't do something like that (registry cards). She did create a website and has passed it among our closest family. She has this tome (Its about 5' thick) ettiquite book that covers everything from weddings to polishing shoes.

avlena

Careful about following it too closely though, because I've discovered a lot of wedding "rules" and advice aren't really accepted by the average person. For example, the rule of invite wording - the only people who are listed on the invites are those who paid. That's hoo-ey.... you put your parents names on the invites because it shows respect, even if they haven't paid a dime.

regarding the registry... let's get real. you go to a wedding, you buy a gift, that's just how it works. The couple shouldn't request or require gifts, and they should definitely make a big deal out of each gift, but the reality is that people want to buy you a gift for your wedding, so you might as well help them out by providing registry information. It's a huge pain to buy a wedding gift when the couple won't tell you where they're registered.

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CrystalDuck

And a huge pain to return all the crap that you don't want and don't have room for. You don't want to waste time, money, or gifts. What if someone gets you pink flamingo dish towels? What do you do then? What if you can't find where they got them and can't return them? What if someone makes you a quilt with colors that are nonexistent in your home and you would never buy for yourself? Registries (that everyone knows about) just make sense. If you can spread the news without mortifying Emily Post, more power to you.

ufcrusher

No one ever said you dont give out your registry information...you just dont include it with the wedding invitation! Thats the only thing the etiquette book states...and yes, that is Emily Posts current edition.

We sent out a flyer that listed a bunch of useful information for out of town guests. It also listed our 2 wedding websites, www.theknot.com and www.weddingchannel.com . Both of those sites linked up to our wedding registries, at least to part of them. We never did highlight the fact that is where our registries were located, people knew to look.

Our parents told people were we were registered and we would answer anyone who asked.

avlena

For us, we only wanted to send out one set of things to our guests... so our invites held our save the date magnet, maps & out-of-town info, our website, and registry information. personally, i prefer receiving the registry information with the invitation - it saves me time & effort in having to contact the couple or their family for the information, or having to hunt it down on their website.

just cuz Emily Post says it's rude, doesn't mean that it's law. I've gone to 3 weddings this summer, and I haven't heard a single person complain about the registry being listed in the invite. Another example of debatable ettiquitte is the money dance. I personally think it's tacky and a rude play for money, and I'm sure Miss Post would agree. Yet in some weddings I've attended, guests eagerly await the money dance. I've actually had friends specifically request I do it, because they wanted to participate.

CornMonkey

ah, yes...forgot to mention the most-hated word for me during these past few months: etiquette. a lot of times, "etiquette" lacks common sense... like the allowed names on the invite. i completely agree with avlena. names go on out of respect, not because they paid for a portion of the wedding.

i cringe every time i hear the word "etiquette." i want to print out all these so-called rules, roll it all into a nice big paper ball, and shove it up the arse of the person who came up with these rules.

ray

It is your wedding and your etiquette. Make up your own damn rules and be happy with it. Who cares what everyone else is doing.

InfiniteNothing

You will have a better wedding if you heed these words for your big day.
Do the cards... don't do the cards... but do it for your own reason... not because it's in some book.


Isn't that just begging for a gift. Why else would you be listing those websites?

LegendKiller

I think a lot of this stuff is foolish as far as etiquette goes. I know we are passing the websites that link to the registries around the family and other people find out by word of mouth.

Steph didn't like the idea of the money dance before, but now she does. I think we will end up doing it. I know when my brother did it dozens of women lined up, it was fun for them and he danced with people that wouldn't normally have done so.

I should create a blog of all of this stuff.

We booked the DJ this week, going to meet him this weekend. He happens to be a county deputy, so if things get rowdy we have The Man there.

ufcrusher

Actually no. The sites listed all of our wedding information. Location, time, date, how we met, how I popped the question. It also listed discounts that we had set up for our guests on airfare (3 airlines), hotels ,and car rentals.

Although you could easily find the registries on the site, what everyone saw when they signed in was the information they needed and discounts for them.

We also included the information/discounts sans registries in a mailer we sent out as well.

JackHammer

I think it was "I am going to gut you like a cattle."


Highlight of the show. Those idiots spend so much on their wedding, they didn't have enough to go on their honeymoon. Stupid people should nt be allowed to breed.

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