I Guess You'll Do

nickel · 03-09-2006, 09:52 AM

i was reading this blog and thought how sad, and in a lot of cases, how true.
maybe some people are just satisfied with the scenerio playing out so predictably like this.

Quote:

I Guess You'll Do

Hey, you, Some Guy. It’s me, Some Girl. I guess we might as well have a life together. We’re on a schedule here. I’m in my mid to late twenties; you’re two years older than me. We’re at about the same level of attractiveness. We have comparable educations. I need to mate, and you’ll probably do as well as anyone else. Let’s begin this typical courtship process, shall we?

You want sex? Fine. Roll around on me for a while. Whatever gets this moving. Are you done? Good. Now go tell your friends about it. And have a good time, you won’t be seeing much of them any more.

I guess we should go to some movies and maybe a concert or two. That was nice. Now let’s get in a fight and then make up. Good. Now let’s go camping. While camping, let’s take some pictures of us camping that we can hang up in our cubicles to remind us of the time we went camping. That will be a cherished memory.

Okay, I guess it’s time to move into an apartment together that’s about ten miles away from my parents’ house. Let’s live in this apartment for a year. Let’s go to a Memorial Day barbecue at my parents’ house. Good. Okay, time to get married.

When you propose, don’t try to do anything cute like putting the ring in my wine glass or having a sports mascot bring it to me at a ball game. It’s all been done before, and you are not a very creative person. It would probably just come off as cheesy and forced. Just get down on a knee and get it over with. New Year’s Eve works fine for me.

Our wedding will take place a year-and-a-half from your proposal. It doesn’t really take that long to set up a wedding; I just want to relish the fact that we are getting married for as long as I possibly can. During that time, I will be the center of attention. Sadly, this will be the highlight of my life. I have no aspirations to write a great book that will change the way people think, I don’t want to travel the world and witness the majesty and diversity of foreign lands, I don’t want to dedicate my life to intellectual or philosophical pursuits in an attempt to take my mind places that no one has ever gone- I just want to look skinnier in my dress than my bridesmaids. Okay, that’s done.

After the wedding, I will take a year to reflect upon the wedding. I will send thank-you notes, watch the wedding video countless times with whomever will sit through it with me, and show people pictures from the wedding that they have no interest in seeing.

Soon, everyone will tire of my wedding talk and I will no longer be the center of attention. It is time for us to buy a house, so that I have something else to talk about. It will be a three-bedroom ranch home with a semifinished basement.

You will turn the basement into a rec room with a bar. This will be pointless, as you will rarely see your friends any more, and when you do, they will have neither the desire nor the time to go down and drink in our basement because they’ll have mated too. Your masculine rec room will soon be cluttered with children's toys and my infrequently-used exercise equipment.

When people stop talking to me about our house, I will decide that we should have kids. I will take the fun out of sex by incorporating science and scheduling our intimacy around my ovulation cycle. We will conceive.

We'll Go Bowling Sometimes

When I am pregnant, I will have something to talk to people about again, and everyone will pay attention to me. I will act as if I am the first pregnant person ever. Eventually, I will give birth, just as billions have done before me.

Our children will be adequate, but not spectacular. You will want them to be athletes, but they will lack the size and skill. I will want them to be creative but they will lack the talent and drive. Despite this, they will eventually mate, too.

We will move into a larger house to accommodate our growing family. You will build a deck off the back of the house that we will use twice a summer. We will briefly contemplate an above-ground pool but in the end will decide against it, citing cost and practicality.

There will be several dogs.

We will vacation. Myrtle Beach will be our destination of choice, though we will be no strangers to Orlando.

Our kids will leave and we will move into a condo, citing cost and practicality. We will retire. Now the waiting truly begins.

Our children will provide us with unremarkable grandchildren. We will photograph them and discuss them at length.

You Will Mow Our Lawn

You will die of heart complications. Your funeral will be relatively well-attended and will last for just over an hour. Following it, some of us will go back to the condo where there will be a tray of cold cuts for sandwiches.

I will remain for eight more years, watching television and slipping away into dementia. I will die. Doctors will call it natural causes, but in reality, I will have semiconsciously willed myself to stop breathing out of boredom and defeat. It will be done.

You can pick me up at eight.

http://www.thephatphree.com/features...yID=2187&Layou

kgsilvas · 03-09-2006, 10:21 AM

OMG! I didn't find it sad, I found it hilarious! Sounds like a Kathy Griffin comedy routine.

nickel · 03-09-2006, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kgsilvas

OMG! I didn't find it sad, I found it hilarious! Sounds like a Kathy Griffin comedy routine.

the writing style was humorous, but i guess because a life like this isn't farfetched it showed how mediocre reality can be.

mcs328 · 03-09-2006, 11:38 AM

I think it's POV. You can quickly edit it and make it sound like it's something to look forward to and instead of finding each event a routine.

molecularfire · 03-09-2006, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickel

the writing style was humorous, but i guess because a life like this isn't farfetched it showed how mediocre reality can be.

That's kinda how I see life right now. It's the similarity to reality that is scary in this.

zero2dash · 03-09-2006, 12:16 PM

Wow...how sad

Glad my life hasn't been like that...it's been much better.

johnnymk · 03-09-2006, 12:43 PM

Weird that she didn't mention the seven year itch with the eventual running around followed by the constant bickering followed by the nasty divorce.

zenbooty · 03-09-2006, 12:54 PM

The only sad thing here is that the writer seems to get no pleasure from living life.

LegendKiller · 03-09-2006, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zenbooty

The only sad thing here is that the writer seems to get no pleasure from living life.

While it may seem formulaic from her perspective (and it seems other's perspective here), that formula isn't exactly boring.

nickel · 03-09-2006, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zenbooty

The only sad thing here is that the writer seems to get no pleasure from living life.

if that is truly the writer's life i can see why there is no pleasure.
you need to mix it up at least a little.

surfer · 03-09-2006, 03:52 PM

Why go through the motions? Should just end it all in purifying fire.

LegendKiller · 03-09-2006, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickel

if that is truly the writer's life i can see why there is no pleasure.
you need to mix it up at least a little.

I am curious as to whether you think the events themselves derive no pleasure, or merely the way she puts them.

I think the events and the order of their ocurrance seems fine. However, the way she describes them sucks.

Houdini · 03-09-2006, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickel

the writing style was humorous, but i guess because a life like this isn't farfetched it showed how mediocre reality can be.

Yeah, it was kinda depressing. Now I'm a little relieved that my marriage was indefinitely posponed/cancelled/whatever. Just a little.

nickel · 03-10-2006, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LegendKiller

I am curious as to whether you think the events themselves derive no pleasure, or merely the way she puts them.

I think the events and the order of their ocurrance seems fine. However, the way she describes them sucks.

i used the word pleasure in response to zen's using of the word.

i think the way she puts the words definitely makes the whole process as "we are supposed to do it" seem mundane. i'm not saying everyone who goes through the motions of life in that order is going to lead a boring life.

oblongmelon · 03-10-2006, 06:56 AM

Life is what you make it-so is marraige-sometimes it works out-sometimes it doesn't...all you can do is make the best of it while you have it handy, and cross your fingers..

Maarchk · 03-10-2006, 08:54 AM

Umm since there are 6 billion people in the world, and maybe a few million are going to be famous, doesn't that mean about 5 billion plus live that exact life? Nothing incredible in terms of world shattering, but on an individual basis, marriage, love, family, sounds pretty darn good to me. Granted i didn't agree with the girl giving up aspirations of travel and intellectual life.. a husband can figure into that, not be a detterrent if you find the right one... but i guess if she is more speaking of settling then yes, you probably give up a lot to make it work... the thought i have is, if you dont settle, you lay out what you want in your life, and then you find someone who wants similar things, or at least is willing to work it out so you can both do and get what you want in life, you will both lead amazing individual lives, and the love created by compromise, friendship, and understanding with your mate will create an amazing married life.. at least thats my thinking... i'm still a kid who is working out the finer points of my life and finding the girl who i can build the right relationship with, not just any relationship... so maybe i dont know well enough...
mark

molecularfire · 03-10-2006, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickel

i used the word pleasure in response to zen's using of the word.

i think the way she puts the words definitely makes the whole process as "we are supposed to do it" seem mundane. i'm not saying everyone who goes through the motions of life in that order is going to lead a boring life.

I think it would be if you're doing it to "go through the motions". That's kinda the point... lots of people do the exact same thing that is in the post only they do it because they want to and for them, that's what brings the pleasure in it. Someone who is tired and ready to settle will be doing it purely to be doing it and yeah, that is going to be boring... no drive in it, just going through the motions.

Houdini · 03-10-2006, 05:29 PM

zenbooty · 03-10-2006, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Houdini

What's on your mind, Houdini?

Houdini · 03-10-2006, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zenbooty

What's on your mind, Houdini?

Just found the article more depressing after reading it again. I was supposed to get married 2/25, but that was delayed/called off/whatever against my will. Then, while I was at work, my fiancee, who's been moving all her furniture into my apartment over the past several months, making me throw away my admittedly crappier furniture, without warning, took everything out of my apartment, leaving me with one wooden chair (she didn't touch my stuff, though.) It's been a rough time recently. I don't know what's on her mind, and I'm at a loss. Reading the article made me rethink a lot of things.

Thanks for the concern, though.

bp

mojo · 03-11-2006, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oblongmelon

Life is what you make it-so is marraige-sometimes it works out-sometimes it doesn't...all you can do is make the best of it while you have it handy, and cross your fingers..

i'm with obby

people will complain about damned near anything. just change some of the particulars here and insert whatever you want. people can yawn about being a millionaire or rockstar. if you're pre-disposed to think that way, then it doesn't matter what happens in your life.

just be happy with what you have, or strive to do better. and when you have what you want, recognize it. when you've made improvements, recognize them. but if you complain about *whatever* then it's up to you to do something about it.

mcs328 · 03-16-2006, 12:10 PM

"Did yer ever think your only supposed to go with women cus yer supposed tuh?"

Futurama Quote - Rosewell That Ends Well

welfareloser · 03-21-2006, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maarchk

Umm since there are 6 billion people in the world, and maybe a few million are going to be famous, doesn't that mean about 5 billion plus live that exact life? Nothing incredible in terms of world shattering, but on an individual basis, marriage, love, family, sounds pretty darn good to me.

i dunno, i think anyone, no matter how humble, can have a "wow" relationship... and i don't know how i feel about "settling." i don't believe in "true love" or "the one." i think there are a lot of people out there that i could have a wonderful, passionate, loving relationship with. i don't know what it feels like to NOT be passionately in love with anyone... maybe i'd "settle" for whatever, too, if i didn't happen to always conveniently have a dude who is both available and passionately in love with me, that i passionately loved.

i know my best friend married a woman after he tried to dump her for a lot of very good reasons and she cried and guilted him out of it. she told him she felt no passion for him, she'd love to dump him but didn't think she could do any better, and he was her last chance to have kids because she was 32 and running out of time. so, 4 years and one kid later, they ... exist. it's really hard to watch, but they are by-god sticking it out for reasons that i will never understand. so... i find that passage incredibly sad, but it's my best friend i'm thinking about when i read it, so... all i see is the fact that the writer is using the dude in question as a prop in her life, and isn't in love with him at all.

03-09-2006, 11:38 AM	#4
mcs328 Admiral Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Maryland Posts: 6,578	I think it's POV. You can quickly edit it and make it sound like it's something to look forward to and instead of finding each event a routine. __________________

03-09-2006, 12:54 PM	#8
zenbooty Admiral Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Prime Material Plane Posts: 7,486	The only sad thing here is that the writer seems to get no pleasure from living life. __________________ Common sense is what tells you the Earth is flat.

03-10-2006, 08:54 AM	#16
Maarchk Rear Admiral Upper Half Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Where the east meets the west. Posts: 3,066	Umm since there are 6 billion people in the world, and maybe a few million are going to be famous, doesn't that mean about 5 billion plus live that exact life? Nothing incredible in terms of world shattering, but on an individual basis, marriage, love, family, sounds pretty darn good to me. Granted i didn't agree with the girl giving up aspirations of travel and intellectual life.. a husband can figure into that, not be a detterrent if you find the right one... but i guess if she is more speaking of settling then yes, you probably give up a lot to make it work... the thought i have is, if you dont settle, you lay out what you want in your life, and then you find someone who wants similar things, or at least is willing to work it out so you can both do and get what you want in life, you will both lead amazing individual lives, and the love created by compromise, friendship, and understanding with your mate will create an amazing married life.. at least thats my thinking... i'm still a kid who is working out the finer points of my life and finding the girl who i can build the right relationship with, not just any relationship... so maybe i dont know well enough... mark __________________ "The girl is crafty like ice is cold." "I left my heart in san francisco... And my liver at Moe's Tavern." A real friend is one who listens to you as much as they talk to you.

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03-09-2006, 10:21 AM	#2
kgsilvas Rear Admiral Lower Half Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,245	OMG! I didn't find it sad, I found it hilarious! Sounds like a Kathy Griffin comedy routine.

03-09-2006, 12:16 PM	#6
zero2dash Commander Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Fenton, MO - but I wish I was at the beach. ANY beach. Posts: 1,367	Wow...how sad Glad my life hasn't been like that...it's been much better.

03-09-2006, 12:43 PM	#7
johnnymk Chief of Naval Operations Join Date: May 2000 Location: LEVITTOWN< PA> USA Posts: 13,621	Weird that she didn't mention the seven year itch with the eventual running around followed by the constant bickering followed by the nasty divorce.

03-09-2006, 03:52 PM	#11
surfer Captain Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: San Diego Posts: 1,812	Why go through the motions? Should just end it all in purifying fire.

03-10-2006, 06:56 AM	#15
oblongmelon Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: In a nutshell Posts: 9,678	Life is what you make it-so is marraige-sometimes it works out-sometimes it doesn't...all you can do is make the best of it while you have it handy, and cross your fingers..

03-10-2006, 05:29 PM	#18
Houdini Admiral Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: New Orleans Posts: 5,054

03-16-2006, 12:10 PM	#22
mcs328 Admiral Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Maryland Posts: 6,578	"Did yer ever think your only supposed to go with women cus yer supposed tuh?" Futurama Quote - Rosewell That Ends Well

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