brainsmile

Advice for men about women.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at her house...she runs around in her underwear just like we do.

2. DON'T CHEAT ON HER. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each
other everything about everything. Trust me, she WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any
of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell her she's beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss her in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's just because they're jealous.

6. If she slaps you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch her if you want to. If she's going out with you in the first place, it's because she likes being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.

8.5 If you DO sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..

11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the **** out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, EVER slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like ****, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice. (not applicable for all)

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.(Sounds like somone i know...)

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"Nobody beats Vitus Gerulaitis 18 times in a row." - Vitus Gerulaitis on beating Jimmy Connors after 17 failed attempts.

Nija

Sounds like it was written by a girl.

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IrishSS

My thoughts exactly...

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Spigs, you MFR#1N!

ShawnLee

This one rang quite true though...
I know that I start feeling that way with any of my female friends or relatives.

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ialsohaveadream

You have got to be kidding me. If you did everything on that list, a woman would dump your pussy ass in a second. Why not try being a man?

But it does make you less of a man if you let the woman pay for dinner.

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ufcrusher

Either BS was castrated or his wife made him post this. I really really really hope it was the second, no man should be castrated.

Definitely written by a woman or possibly Richard Simmons....although he counts as a girl right?

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brainsmile

heheh... I was asking for your opinions. I never said I agreed with what was typed.

ArkiStan

Although I agree that my penis would most likely shrivel and fall off if I followed half the things on that list, it suddenly gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. Maybe it's time I started dating again. I better check my penis though. That warm fuzy feeling was sorta coming from that general area.

welfareloser

eesh. if you follow every rule up there, or even half of them, that's one heck of a miserable relationship.

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oblongmelon

wow BS what kind of fairy tale world did you pull that out of?? lol
In a real world, it would be more appropriate to say:

(for men)
1. When taking a piss, please try to get at least 1/2 of it into the bowl and not on the floor, wall or seat (which should have been lifted but because you've heard bitching about leaving the seat up, so you think you're being thoughtful by leaving it down although now it's spotted with large puddles of pee to which you'll never hear the end of)

2. If you're going to do something fun with your friends (basketball, football etc)..at least alert the gf/wife so that she can have something to bitch about and not just think you're off having an affair (unless of course you're bisexual or gay and sports guys are your thing)

3. Pretty much anything else that makes a gf/wife bitch..be prepared.

dsuds

Definitely written by a woman, or a gay guy...

My comments are directed at the writer, not bs.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at her house...she runs around in her underwear just like we do.
And the problem with that is.... If my girlfriend is running around in her underwear, I wanna be there!

2. DON'T CHEAT ON HER. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each
other everything about everything. Trust me, she WILL find out and you will be mud.
DUH!!

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any
of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.
WTF? What kind of paranoid sissy are you?

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell her she's beautiful.
Once in a while is ok, but all the time would be annoying. Kinda like a little kid going, mom...mom...mom...mom...mom...mom...mom...mom...mom...

5. Don't refuse to kiss her in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's just because they're jealous.
See #4

6. If she slaps you hard, you deserved it.
OH NO, DON'T GO THERE!! I can restrain myself, she better be able to do the same!

7. Don't be afraid to touch her if you want to. If she's going out with you in the first place, it's because she likes being in your arms.
I hate even watching touchy-feelly, diabetic-coma, sweet couples. Makes me wanna

8. If you don't sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.
DUH.

8.5 If you DO sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.
DUH. Again.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...
I imagine every couple is a little this way, if not then I pity them.

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.
I have a theory on this... The amount a girl eats on a date is proportional to the time you've been dating. The longer you've been a couple, the more she'll eat. So guys, if she starts out eating 6 courses, what'll she weigh in 2 years?

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..
Depends more on the situation. If you have no money because your a student, then going dutch is ok. But if you can afford it, don't be a cheap bastard.

11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!
Kinda hung up on the guy paying aren't ya?

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.
A ring? Damn, if there is ANY kind of ring involved, it's a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.
Common courtesy, not a big deal.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the **** out of him.
This would be a DUH, except what if the guy is a 6'9" bodybuilder named Swen? Trying to fight this guy would be an invitation to your own funeral.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
Crack that whip!!

16. Never, EVER slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.
I was always told, never hit a woman, so no big deal there.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
No.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
The sentence should be "TRY to be prince charming..." cause every girl has someone near them that you cannot stand.

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.
I'll give you that one.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like ****, so be understanding.
Im not freaked out by PMS, but I don't lash out at other people when I feel like crap. I expect the same.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.
I do.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
"Officially dating?" What do you get a certificate when it's "official"? This is kinda a common sense thing after a while that's supposed to be how you introduce her. If you don't then either you don't respect her, or your a dumbass.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.
Never been a problem for me.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
A guy will do this in a heartbeat cause it might lead to a little...

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
What, did the girl who wrote this date a pro-wrestler? Of course you be gentle.

26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.
The term here is "for life" and they'll never forget it. Self-preservation here guys, take note!

27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.
Same goes for the ladies.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice. (not applicable for all)
Falls into the same category as #26. Even if they need snow tires for Christmas, and can't afford them, don't buy 'em. (I know, I did this.)

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.
Bang her and move on. (sorry ladies, had to be said).

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.(Sounds like somone i know...)
Uh, yeah. Obviously the writer has had a bad breakup sometime in their past.

ShawnLee

Thank you dsuds, it needed to be said. I'm not agreeing with everything you said, but certainly a whole lot more than the original.

ialsohaveadream

This is probably the strongest evidence it was not written by a guy. If it was, I'd say it was done jokingly...but it's really not funny enough to be a joke.
Sweep the leg. A guy on the ground isn't 6'9" anymore.

johnnymk

31. After you marry her, she may want to divorce you. But if it does come to this, it will be for your own good. You will grow from the experience.

Always remember this saying: I enjoy being taken to the cleaners..I enjoy being taken to the cleaners. Repeat it often, it's therapeutic. I enjoy being taken to the cleaners. It's good for the soul.

Jane83

i read halfway through that and got annoyed...
so yea, its some annoying chick who must have wrote that.
especially if they sat down and really listed all that nonsense

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stupid sexy flanders

MJordanash

Wow definitely written by a female, or females.

g1984

Mushy, mushy, mushy.