Relationship issue...

Thesifer · 04-26-2006, 03:34 PM

So I decided to post about it here.

Jane83 · 04-27-2006, 12:08 AM

uh, first, the ex should NOT live with you, whatever the circumstances, and 2nd, never jump into a relationship or attempt one with someone who just got out of a relationship.
it just becomes a huge train wreck
or you just become the cheap rebound...and you dont want that do you?

04-27-2006, 06:14 AM

I agree with the train wreck comment. I say have the ex move out and date around for a little while before jumping into something.

DarkFury · 04-27-2006, 07:22 AM

Yeah... Ex in the house bad news no matter how you slice it.

I can see no good here...

Merlin · 04-27-2006, 07:24 AM

You've gotta get the ex out. She is going to cramp your style with the chicks.

I think the advise you get will wind up being pretty much unamious on this point.

Thesifer · 04-27-2006, 08:49 AM

Haha yeah..

welfareloser · 04-27-2006, 06:03 PM

it's messy, and it would be really nice if the ex didn't live with you, but you'd kinda be an ass to kick her out... it's cool that you're not.

but sept... that's still 5 months off. that's a long time. i'm a bit concerned that she isn't looking for another place to park her butt in the interim. no matter how much you two promise to stay friends, it's not a good idea to contimue to live together. it's always real easy to stay friends immediately after a breakup, and it usually gets reeeeeal hard as soon as one or the other starts dating someone else. it's not going to be pretty when you start getting serious with the other girl, which sound inevitable.

that's *if* she believes that your'e totally over the ex. and why would she? if it was me... i wouldn't. i mean, i beleive you... but i'm not trying to date you.

you mgiht want to look for a different place to park your butt for the next 5 months... if you gently explain to your ex that you think it would be a good idea, and offer to find a different place to live, i would hope that she would understand (and then tell you that's silly, she should be the one to leave... you could offer to let her leave her stuff at your place while she, for example, stays with a friend who has a futon for her.)

and i disagree that you're inevitably going to wind up this new girl's rebound detritus. we humans are no worse at relationships immediately after a breakup than we are any other time. i think "oh, i was just a rebound" is a convenient excuse when someone dumps your butt

as for her saying she wants nothing serious, but getting serious... who cares. she's gonna do what feels right (hopefully) not what some book says is right. if she really wants to be with you, but decides to hold back because she has some pre-conceived notion of what her behavior should be after a break-up... well, *that's* what i would worry about.

Thesifer · 04-28-2006, 08:44 AM

Hehe .. Well she did just graduate with her Bachelors in Psychology and minor in Human Development

..

clutchy · 04-28-2006, 09:41 AM

I'll give you a little differing opinion here.

It takes some honesty first so be warned.

1. Sit down have a talk with the EX, let her know that there is NO possible way you're getting back together. Let her know that you enjoy being friends but that's all. (this may have the unintended consequence of her moving out).

2. Be honest with the other girl, let her know that you're interested in a relationship when she's ready. So that she doesn't forget about you or whatever... or some moop doesn't move in on her when you're giving her some "space" invite her over for a movie or whatever every once in awhile(game night) bring the EX in as well so it's "less" uncomfortable. Card games or scrabble is great fun with good friends. This will also get you a nice stable friendship to build a relationship on when the time is right. After the first game night make sure she's comfortable with this... if not your choice to try it once more or try something else.

3. Since she's just getting over a 3 year breakup it's good to have friends and do fun stuff without the pressure. This will also cement in EX's mind that there is someone else.

btw, which admiral are you going to use when you get there?

Thesifer · 04-28-2006, 11:54 AM

And I am hoping that maybe Apex or someone else will add an Admiral Avatar because I'm pretty sure they don't have any (atleast not that I have seen) Since Admirals weren't very popular on screen in Star Trek

..

clutchy · 04-28-2006, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thesifer

Wow.. This is like.. EXACTLY What I am doing.. Thesifer is that you?!

I sat down with my ex.. and said there is absolutely no way we are getting back together... and she still wants to stay friends.. and due to circumstances with an upcoming deployment.. so far is still staying here.

And she actually said if I brought jamie over she wouldn't mind and could probably be friends with her (don't get me wrong if it were any OTHER girl then my ex saying that I would be like "BullS#@#" But.. You'd have to know her to understand.)

I also already talked to the other girl and said that I will be around if she wants me to be around as a friend or whatnot and if the timing becomes better then we'll see what happens and go from there.. if it doesn't then she'll be a good friend I think.

So yeah.. I'm going the correct route I think though. Will see how things pan out.

And I am hoping that maybe Apex or someone else will add an Admiral Avatar because I'm pretty sure they don't have any (atleast not that I have seen) Since Admirals weren't very popular on screen in Star Trek

..

Maybe I should do a Picture of myself? in an Admiral's uniform! hehe.. or just a Picture of myself in my Own uniform with "Admiral" below it.. haha.

chalk another one up for clutchy's disturbingly accurate relationship advice (psych degree is paying off!!). I hope it works out for you in some form.

and good luck finding an admiral, Janeway is at some point. That black guy is an admiral, some old wrinkly old white lady, and Riker too in All good things...

Jane83 · 04-29-2006, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thesifer

Hehe .. Well she did just graduate with her Bachelors in Psychology and minor in Human Development

..

that means nothing.
psych major is the most bull**** major.
its the major for people who didnt know what they wanted to study going into college and thats the next best thing that they end up with.
psych majors are just as stupid as a lost child.
everything is theoretical and they know nothing.

RoniMan · 04-29-2006, 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jane83

that means nothing.
psych major is the most bull**** major.
its the major for people who didnt know what they wanted to study going into college and thats the next best thing that they end up with.
psych majors are just as stupid as a lost child.
everything is theoretical and they know nothing.

now tell us how you REALLY feel about psych majors...

best of luck to you thesifer.

Thesifer · 04-29-2006, 05:23 AM

The Asian (half Chinese half Laotian(I think thats right) ) Girl I danced with most of the night happened to be in a 5 year relationship.. blah for that.

molecularfire · 05-01-2006, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jane83

that means nothing.
psych major is the most bull**** major.
its the major for people who didnt know what they wanted to study going into college and thats the next best thing that they end up with.
psych majors are just as stupid as a lost child.
everything is theoretical and they know nothing.

So... were you a psyche major in college?

Thesifer · 05-01-2006, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by molecularfire

So... were you a psyche major in college?

Yeah I kinda just ignored Jane's comment. Seemed a bit inflammatory.

( oh and ..

Morning! )

ryan_self · 05-02-2006, 09:05 AM

I think Clutchy nailed it. If you can somehow turn these disparate pieces into a group of friends, then it becomes a more seamless transition to the new girl. Godspeed.

04-26-2006, 03:34 PM	#1
Thesifer Vice Admiral Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 4,338	Relationship issue... So I decided to post about it here. __________________ Last edited by Thesifer : 02-25-2009 at 02:10 AM.

04-27-2006, 12:08 AM	#2
Jane83 Commander Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: S. Pasadena Posts: 1,452	uh, first, the ex should NOT live with you, whatever the circumstances, and 2nd, never jump into a relationship or attempt one with someone who just got out of a relationship. it just becomes a huge train wreck or you just become the cheap rebound...and you dont want that do you? __________________ stupid sexy flanders

04-27-2006, 07:22 AM	#4
DarkFury Secretary of the Navy Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Chillin' N Da 'Hood Posts: 34,997	Yeah... Ex in the house bad news no matter how you slice it. I can see no good here... __________________ DarkFury's Pimptopia - Don't Hate the Playa, Hate the Game! Home of the Original OG Pimp (accept NO imitations)

04-27-2006, 07:24 AM	#5
Merlin Admiral Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Square On My Arse Posts: 7,410	You've gotta get the ex out. She is going to cramp your style with the chicks. I think the advise you get will wind up being pretty much unamious on this point. __________________

04-27-2006, 08:49 AM	#6
Thesifer Vice Admiral Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 4,338	Haha yeah.. Last edited by Thesifer : 02-25-2009 at 02:11 AM.

04-27-2006, 06:14 AM	#3
MJordanash Posts: n/a	I agree with the train wreck comment. I say have the ex move out and date around for a little while before jumping into something.

04-27-2006, 06:03 PM	#7
welfareloser Grand Moff Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: jabba's palace. (yes, i do... and no, you can't.) Posts: 9,718	it's messy, and it would be really nice if the ex didn't live with you, but you'd kinda be an ass to kick her out... it's cool that you're not. but sept... that's still 5 months off. that's a long time. i'm a bit concerned that she isn't looking for another place to park her butt in the interim. no matter how much you two promise to stay friends, it's not a good idea to contimue to live together. it's always real easy to stay friends immediately after a breakup, and it usually gets reeeeeal hard as soon as one or the other starts dating someone else. it's not going to be pretty when you start getting serious with the other girl, which sound inevitable. that's if she believes that your'e totally over the ex. and why would she? if it was me... i wouldn't. i mean, i beleive you... but i'm not trying to date you. you mgiht want to look for a different place to park your butt for the next 5 months... if you gently explain to your ex that you think it would be a good idea, and offer to find a different place to live, i would hope that she would understand (and then tell you that's silly, she should be the one to leave... you could offer to let her leave her stuff at your place while she, for example, stays with a friend who has a futon for her.) and i disagree that you're inevitably going to wind up this new girl's rebound detritus. we humans are no worse at relationships immediately after a breakup than we are any other time. i think "oh, i was just a rebound" is a convenient excuse when someone dumps your butt as for her saying she wants nothing serious, but getting serious... who cares. she's gonna do what feels right (hopefully) not what some book says is right. if she really wants to be with you, but decides to hold back because she has some pre-conceived notion of what her behavior should be after a break-up... well, that's what i would worry about. __________________ Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life. ~ Leo Buscaglia http://www.welfareloser.com http://gotapexblogs.net/users/welfareloser/

04-28-2006, 08:44 AM	#8
Thesifer Vice Admiral Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 4,338	Hehe .. Well she did just graduate with her Bachelors in Psychology and minor in Human Development .. Last edited by Thesifer : 02-25-2009 at 02:11 AM.

04-28-2006, 09:41 AM	#9
clutchy Rear Admiral Lower Half Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Yucaipa, CA Posts: 2,863	I'll give you a little differing opinion here. It takes some honesty first so be warned. 1. Sit down have a talk with the EX, let her know that there is NO possible way you're getting back together. Let her know that you enjoy being friends but that's all. (this may have the unintended consequence of her moving out). 2. Be honest with the other girl, let her know that you're interested in a relationship when she's ready. So that she doesn't forget about you or whatever... or some moop doesn't move in on her when you're giving her some "space" invite her over for a movie or whatever every once in awhile(game night) bring the EX in as well so it's "less" uncomfortable. Card games or scrabble is great fun with good friends. This will also get you a nice stable friendship to build a relationship on when the time is right. After the first game night make sure she's comfortable with this... if not your choice to try it once more or try something else. 3. Since she's just getting over a 3 year breakup it's good to have friends and do fun stuff without the pressure. This will also cement in EX's mind that there is someone else. btw, which admiral are you going to use when you get there? __________________ LK was treated unfairly thanks X

04-28-2006, 11:54 AM	#10
Thesifer Vice Admiral Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 4,338	And I am hoping that maybe Apex or someone else will add an Admiral Avatar because I'm pretty sure they don't have any (atleast not that I have seen) Since Admirals weren't very popular on screen in Star Trek .. Last edited by Thesifer : 02-25-2009 at 02:12 AM.

04-29-2006, 05:23 AM	#14
Thesifer Vice Admiral Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 4,338	The Asian (half Chinese half Laotian(I think thats right) ) Girl I danced with most of the night happened to be in a 5 year relationship.. blah for that. Last edited by Thesifer : 02-25-2009 at 02:12 AM.

05-02-2006, 09:05 AM	#17
ryan_self Lieutenant Commander Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Virginia Posts: 636	I think Clutchy nailed it. If you can somehow turn these disparate pieces into a group of friends, then it becomes a more seamless transition to the new girl. Godspeed. __________________ "I feel bad for those people who don't drink, because when you wake up in the morning that's as good as you're going to feel all day long" --Frank Sinatra

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

User Name
Password
Remember Me?