AlwayzMarel

I need a mans perspective on this. Am i being extremely jealous telling my live-in boyfriend not to associate with other women? By associating, I mean talking on the phone or hanging out with other females. He did have a lot of female friends before we entered the relationship and he has had some sort of romantic past with most of them. So is it fair for me to tell him that out of respect to me, he should have them out of the picture? He says i'm jealous, i say what do they have that I'm not offering him, he says nothing. He claims that a man can have female friends and not feel anything for them, despite their past. What's your take?

cheapie

need more information. such as...are these women single? where does he hang out with them? are you not available to go out when he does or would he rather go alone and doesn't invite you?

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InfiniteNothing

Yeah that's not true unless the female friend is rather unattractive.

MikeD

You either trust him or you don't. If you do, shouldn't be a problem with him having his friends. If you don't, you should probably find a new relationship.

Best of luck to you! Hope things work out.

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Jeffbx

Yes. You're telling him you don't trust him, and giving giving him an ultimatum - even if you don't say it out loud, the message is "them or me, take your pick".



On this other hand, this is generally BS.

AlwayzMarel

I don't know these women, they are from out of town. He's originally from Los Angeles, and we live north of L.A. now. He says most of these women have b/f's, and they are just friends. As far as I know he hasn't been around them from what he has told me, but I feel that if he's talking to them it's cuz theres soemthing more. He lets me have all the freedom I want, but has never taken me to L.A. to meet these "friends". Our relationship is all good, with the exception that he thinks it's alright to talk to other women.

BigJon

From what it sounds like...no..I don't think he should continue to talk to them. Should you FORBID him? No...cause that just makes you look bad. All you can do is talk to him and just tell him straight up that it bothers you.

If he continues to just say you are jealous...then mabye there is something going on (whether it be just phone flirting or more).

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cheapie

it is all right to talk to other women. foster/maintain/advance a close personal relationship with another woman? not so much.

AlwayzMarel

[quote=BigJon]From what it sounds like...no..I don't think he should continue to talk to them. Should you FORBID him? No...cause that just makes you look bad. All you can do is talk to him and just tell him straight up that it bothers you.

Well he told me to get rid of all my male friends, and not to talk to them, so I feel it should go both ways. I did it out of respect for him, so i expect the same in return, RESPECT.

Kudos

if you're uncomfortable with who your live in bf is, and the friends he has, you should re-think the relationship.

I'm in a similar situation, my gf has guy friends and nearly no female friends. I'm not going to tell her she can't talk to her friends, or hang out with her friends. That would be silly.

However, I also believe if she does something with one of those people, that's her problem and her loss when I leave.

If I were in your shoes(and I am in a way), I'd tell him he can do whatever he wants - but make sure he respects you enough not to do anything to hurt you, and if he does make sure you don't stick around to give him another chance to do it to you

EDIT: he told you to get rid of all your male friends, but he can talk to all the girls he wants? haha...nice
what an a$$

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Shut up, dummy.

AlwayzMarel

Have you men ever had a girlfriend who thought it was alright for you to keep close ties to other women? I know I am not insane, I know women generally feel threatened by other women who are close to their man, and likewise for men to feel a sense of jealousy if their woman was to be close to another man. I know my b/f would not tolerate me talking to another man, so why should I.

Merlin

This relationship sounds doomed.

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nickel

few words, but a big statement.

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Cubsfan

You won't listen (people never do), but bail out. Now.

PoorAvatar

IMO, if you're in a relationship that's right for you, you would not have to ask yourself or anyone else "Am I being extremely jealous."

If you're in a healthy relationship that's good for you, you should not have to say to someone "out of respect to me." Unless you have mafia ties.

More times than not, when a man says that, you can be sure he's cheating!

It sounds like you have good instincts. Listen to them. Run

esme

i agree .....respect comes w/the relationship .....you don't "EARN" it!!


now ....i have many male friends .....when i'm in a relationship i don't hang out w/them much or talk much .....but we do communicate once in a blue moon ....i don't cut them off completely BUT i'm not constantly in contact w/them either, oh ....and if for some reason we hang out i always invite my b/f @ the time ...why not?? if there's nothing to hide ...right

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-Esme .....

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."

AlwayzMarel

thankz you all for your comments.

avlena

I have a lot of male friends, and my hubby has no problems with it because he trusts me. Alternatively, he still keeps in touch with some of his ex'es. Do I feel jealous occasionally? Yes, sometimes, but I still trust him 100%, and I know that no matter what, he's coming home to me.

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ShawnLee

I'm with Mike and Avlena, I have plenty of female friends, and while some of them have had problems with jealous boyfriend types, most don't.

In fact, two of my closest friends from college are married to each other and I'm as close with either one.

Having had so many female friends, I wouldn't ask my girlfriend to stop talking to other guys. I can certainly understand why it would be asked, but I don't see it that way.

If I'm in a relationship with you, I'm choosing you. I'm not waiting to trade-up to a better model, I'm not settling for you because I couldn't get someone else, or anything else like that. If I were going to have a relationship with my female friends, it would've happened BEFORE I met you and started dating you. But then, that's just me.

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AlwayzMarel

Now that's in something i can understand! cuz, he did tell me that if he wanted them he would be with them, but he's with me and he wants to be with me. so maybe i am trippin' over something that really is nothing!

Kudos

you made the same decision to be with him though, so why does he have a problem with you talking to your guy friends?

eSDee

Were the guys that he told you to stop talking to your ex's? Or just friends of yours? Sounds like he's playing you. He shouldn't have any extra rights than you do.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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3 days I dread to see arrive
3 days I hate to be alive
3 days filled with tears and sorrow
yesterday today and tomorrow

cheapie

exept for control of the remote. the day we lose that is the day we lose the war.

johnnymk

Yep...playing you like a violin.

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Kudos

I was foolish and let my gf control the romote (granted, she was the one who bought the TV, so I felt it only right)

but now I swear there's going to be burn-in of Womens Entertainment and Lifetime. And the splatter from my blood when I slit myself up the middle to end it less painfully.

At least she caves in whenever I want to watch Hockey

brainsmile

just tell him it's a look no touch relationship with those others.

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BigJon

Well heck...in that case...tell the guy he don't get no girly friends. If he expects you not to talk to men but he can talk to women...that's just bull.

MikeD

, and the other too, Esme. Respect is earned...not given.

I think the situation is starting to become pretty clear here.

AlwayzMarel

yes all the men were friends. no romancing there. and there was only a few, like 3 male friends. His cell phone book has more than a dozen women #'s. my take is: that is tooooo many.

PoorAvatar

Respect is earned. Hmm, is there a points program for that... what are the prizes? I thought respect was a given


Enlighten me, please.