Scientists: World more enjoyable without arguments, rational thought
WASHINGTON, DC- The Biochemical Society, a group of scientists who perform research on the nature of the planet, has released a new study suggesting that if the world's population were to concentrate more on celebrating birthdays and delighting in the quirkiness of life, all of the world's problems could be cured.
"After several years of research, we have concluded that the greatest danger to the planet's future is people being mean to each other," said project spokesman Hugh Toule.
The group, however, will not be petitioning the government for resources to make people happy. "That would involve acknowledging the existence of some of the negatives of life- government, money, and anything not related to celebrities," said researcher J.K. Reilly. "We prefer to just hope that things get better, and encourage people to speak freely and happily- as long as their conversations are on topics deemed agreeable by everyone. For instance, we'd advocate the elimination of sports, for obvious reasons."
At the press conference announcing their findings, the group appeared in white lab coats accompanied by red-colored sunglasses. Though some in the audience appeared receptive to the idea, most were not. Many even mocked the idea.
"Are you kidding me? (Expletive deleted) that," was all one anonymous attendee would offer in response.