I meant to post at the one year mark of Brians death but I felt no one would remember, I posted when Amanda was dead at birth but no one understood. I post now because I feel I'm really starting to feel that my life is becoming less and less of what I wanted it to be..
after Brian's Death I tried to use my faith in the God to save me but after Amanda I find myself hiding from it !
I intentionally avoided the preist who was standing outside to greet the parents today after my son's caticlism classes.
The oddest thing about this is that the preist is a friend and I'm honestly sick of the "have faith" crap..
I'm really not the type for the poster boy who says "God helped me through this" nor would I be the one to say that "shrinks got me through this" because to be honest neither has helped a bit !!
I honestly would like to believe in a "higher power" but only for those I've lost ..
Myself, I live a hell that eats at me each day and the best I can hope for my in my life is to live long enough to try to be a strong father for my son Jonathan !