So I decided to cave in and rent Gladiator. Wow, what a disappointment. That was the Empire Strikes Back of our generation, and you call that the best picture of the year? It must have been a pretty sad year for film, or the Academy has its head up its ass.

Sure, it was a visual spectacle. Sure, it was dramatic. But it was just silly. As sophmoric as it gets: "ooh, they're sword fighting!"

I also thought the rampant placement of phallic imagery/homoeroticism was a nice touch. Hooray for the Romans! Now where in the hell were the orgies?

Just more evidence corroborating the fact that the Oscars are stupid and dumb...like my bum.