Okay, so I'm actually applying to be a columnist for our school paper (ucbstan - i figure i can't possibly be any worse than most of the fools who are writing this semester), and I need to submit three sample columns for evaluation. I need ideas for columns! I have a few, but I figure that many twisted minds are better than one. Any suggestions? I don't care how off-the-wall they are, I need to stand out, and I do go to Berkeley, the capital of weird. Help me out!