After I calmed down laughing I decided to share this. I am not sure this is the appropriate place to post these funnies, but I thought everyone could use a good laugh with finals around the corner. I know always feel lifted after a good laugh.
LOG ON .... Makin a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF .... Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR .... Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD .... Gettin the farwood off the truk.
MEGA HERTZ .... When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC .... Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
RAM .... That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE .... Gettin home in the winter time.
PROMPT .... Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
WINDOWS .... Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
SCREEN .... Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
BYTE .... Whut them dang flys do.
CHIP .... Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP .... Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
MODEM .... Whut cha did to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX .... Old Dan Matrix's wife.
LAP TOP .... Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD .... Whar ya hang the dang keys.
SOFTWARE .... Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
MOUSE .... Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MAINFRAME .... Holds up the barn roof.
PORT .... Fancy Flatlander wine
ENTER .... Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY .... Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
MOUSE PAD .... That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
Junior and Sam, two good 'ol boys, were driving down the road one day, happily drinking from their six-pack of beer. Junior looks up and says, "Lookee up thar, Sam. I sees a real po-leece roadblock."
"Well, Junior, them po-leece are gonna catch us a-drinkin'." Sam replies.
"No sir-ee, they won't. You jus' do exactually like I says," Junior warns. "Finish that thar beer, pull off that thar label, and stick that thar bottle under yer seat. Then you stick that thar label on yer forehead."
Sam does exactly as Junior tells him to. They slow down and stop at the roadblock. The policeman walks up to the car, sees the beer labels stuck on their foreheads and asks, "You boys been drinking?"
"No sir-ee," Junior declares. "We're on the patch!"
HOW TO TELL IF YOU OWN A HILLBILLY COMPUTER
The monitor is up on blocks.
Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
The 6 front keys have rotted out.
The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts in them.
The numeric keypad only goes up to 6.
The password is "Bubba."
There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM Drive.
The keyboard is camouflaged.
The Mouse is referred to as a "Critter."
There are Nascar stickers on everything.
Stickers of Calvin performing obscene acts on Ford/Chevy
Your homepage is set to http://www.NASCAR.com
Bubba and Billy Bob were the two star performers on their college football team. Their professor informed the team coach that their grades were below average, making them ineligible to play in Saturday's "Big Game". The professor agreed to raise their grades if they passed a test. The coach pleaded, "Make the test easy professor". The test was one, fill-in-the-blank question: "Old MacDonald had a ______." While taking the test Billy Bob asked Bubba, "Hey Bubba, what's the answer?" Bubba made sure the professor wasn't looking and said, "FARM." Billy Bob then asked,"Hey, how do you spell farm?" Bubba said, "You big dummy, e i e i o."