on a lighter note: a few jokes

[The Happy Squirrel]

HE SAID/SHE SAID


He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said....Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said....It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.

He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.

He said....Shall we try a different position tonight?
She said...That's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."


got these in an email thought you might enjoy a change from all the killing and bombing threads

[TheLoneGunman]

What will Bin Laden say to his followers in November?



Nothing. Dead men tell no tales

[eSDee]

Originally posted by TheLoneGunman
What will Bin Laden say to his followers in November?


Nothing. Dead men tell no tales

[sarcasm]Wow thats funny. Way to keep the mood of this thread light.[/sarcasm]

[Nanotech9]

so this guy walks into a bar, and says OUCH! that hurt!

Cheesey ehh?

[irwin]

Time to make up some more of my famous 1st class jokes.

You know what I did when a senior beat me up?
IRAN! (I ran)

What do you get when you mix YOU and a Crane?
Ukraine!

[The Happy Squirrel]

this one only works in echo

What did the pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?

dead-ant
dead-ant

lame but effective

[Brendan]

Originally posted by Nanotech9
so this guy walks into a bar, and says OUCH! that hurt!

Cheesey ehh?

I can't believe that actually made me laugh.

[Nanotech9]

OMgosh!....


so theres these two Strings that go into this fancy restraunt(sp?). The Host says, Sorry, we don't allow Strings to eat in here!

So, they leave, and one string gets all sad and gives up. But, the other string is much more determined. So, he twists around a bit, ruffs up his "hair", and goes back inside.

Host: "Hey arent you one of those Strings that just came in here a few minutes ago?"
String: "Sorry, but I'm a Frayed Knot." (I'm afraid not.)

is that even cheeasier or what?

[Nanotech9]

Q: What do you call children of prostitutes?
A: Brothel-Sproutes.

[theHNIC]

Just a joke:

When I born, I black... When I grow up, I black... When I go in sun, I black... When I cold, I black... When I scared, I black... When I sick, I black... And when I Die, I still black.......... You white folks...... When you born, you pink... When you grow up, you white... When you go in sun, you red... When you cold, you blue.... When you scared, you yellow... When you sick, you green... And when you die, you gray....... So who you callin' colored???

[theHNIC]

a blonde a redhead and a brunette were in a cafe talking about what it was like to be pregnant. The Brunette said "I read an article in a magazine the other day that said if he is on top when he cums then you will have a boy, so I will be having a boy" The redhead said "in that case I will be having a girl coz I was on top" At that moment the blonde burst into tears and when questioned what was wrong she wailed "I'm gonna have puppies!!!!!!"

[theHNIC]

Haha... Why do blondes wear hooped earrings?? So they have a place for their feet while they have sex!!!

Tell me when to stop...I have a *****load

[theHNIC]

a blonde and a brunette where walkin through the park 1 day, Suddenly the brunette stops n says "Aww lokk at that dead birdie!" The blonde stops, looks UP and says "Where?

[theHNIC]

what do you call a dog with no legs - it does not matter he wont come anyway

[theHNIC]

what do a bungee jumper and a gay guy have in common - if the rubber breaks they are both in the **** (think about it)


Getting these from another site

[theHNIC]

How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

[theHNIC]

why do men have to whistle when they're sitting on the toilet - Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe

[theHNIC]

Why do women have legs?- Have you seen the mess a snail makes?

[theHNIC]

Did ya hear that diarrhea's hereditary? Yeah, it runs in the jeans

[theHNIC]

What is the definition of suspicious? A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field.

[theHNIC]

what does a toilet roll and the star ship enterprise have in common? They both orbit uranus picking up klingons.

[theHNIC]

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

[Cheesypuff]

Great way to get your post up...good times

[theHNIC]

I really dont care about the number of post...Im just adding to the thread

[theHNIC]

A man just got married to his long time girlfriend nympho and discovered that he had to go on post to South Africa with the army. He knew that he couldn't just leave his wife by herself and expect her not to cheat on him while he was gone, so before he told her, he went to the sex shop to buy her something to keep her occupied. He asked the clerk what they had and he pointed out the Vibrapenis. The man thought about it and decided that it wouldn't be enough for her, so the clerk showed him a few other toys, and when the man didn't think any of them were good enough, the clerk said that he had something in the back that might work. They went out to see and sitting on the floor was a metal safe. The clerk opened it and said, "This is the Voodoo Penis". The man asked what it could do, and the clerk said, "It will follow and command, watch : Voodoo Penis - Door!" The dildo, which was floating in the air stopped, pointed at the door, flew over to it and started pounding. In about 30 seconds, the door was sawdust. The man said he thought that was the one for him so he bought it. When he told his wife that he was leaving, he showed her the new toy. She said that she wouldn't need it, but sure enough, 2 hours after he got on the plane, she was feeling lonely. So she took it out and said "Voodoo Penis - vagina!". Well that dildo went at her like nothing ever before and she had never had that many orgasms in her life, but when the time came, she couldn't figure out how to turn it off. After trying everything else, she started rushing to the hospital. She was driving 80 mph through a small neighborhood and got pulled over by the police. She tried to explain to the cop what was going on and why she was driving too fast, and the cop said "Oh, now I've heard it all, Voodoo penis, my ass!"

[irwin]

Originally posted by gotmilk
I really dont care about the number of post...Im just adding to the thread

In either case, stop it. Just post your jokes in one post separated by a series of underscores or hyphens.

[Jenny]

Originally posted by Passwird


In either case, stop it. Just post your jokes in one post separated by a series of underscores or hyphens.

Why should he? I'm enjoying it! lol They are almost all funny. ehhehehe I heard the vibrating penis one a long time ago but it still cracks me up.

[Hiro]

it may not be the time to be laughing...but a lot of those made me laugh. Thanks gotmilk

[Nanotech9]

can we say the "P" word on air? (i mean in the forums?)

[theHNIC]

a skeleton walks into a bar and says "can i have a pint of bear and a mop".....