AS POSTED on a CNN.com MESSAGE BOARD SOMETIME THIS WEEK.
Orion Ramsey - Friday, 09/21/01, 2:35:00pm (#58980 of 58989)
To those extremists that perpetrated this crime against our nation, I have a
warning for you. There are those of us who look at your actions as
irrational, twisted, and completely inhuman. By all measures, what you have
done can only be seen as insane.
I have news for you. We're more nuts than you, and it should scare you
s***less.
You may think that when you die for your cause, you go to Paradise with 72
virgins, can leave reservations for 70 members of your family, all your sins
are forgiven, and you sit at the side of Allah. Big deal. We had 39 guys who
rented a Beverly Hills mansion, cut off their nuts, built a web site, and
proceeded to poison themselves to death to hitch a ride with aliens out on
the Hale-Bopp comet.
You shoot guns into the sky to celebrate victories over enemies, and people
are killed by the bullets raining down on them. We not only do this for New
Year's Eve in some cities, but we burn houses down, tear up streets, loot
and sack our stores, and beat our selves senseless when our sports teams win
championships. Sports teams!
We made a sequel to Police Academy 5. We gave an award for singing to two
guys who never even sang. We put little sweaters on dogs. We shot John
Lennon six times and didn't even aim for Yoko Ono. We think Elvis is still
alive. We put Braille on drive-up automatic teller machines.
We think that a simple button on a web site that says "Do not click if
you're under 21" will do anything but cause a person under 21 to click on
it.
We take a large chunk of the island on which those buildings you destroyed
sat and pretend that it isn't a part of our country after all, let people
fly in to our airports that we want to kill, drive them in limousines to
speak against us on this "pretend territory" land, let them drive back to
our airport, and let them fly them back home without a scratch.
We sell hot dogs in packages of ten and the buns in packages of eight. We
can't even decide if pitchers should have to bat for themselves or not. All
those baseball fields we've got. none of them are even remotely the same
size.
We gave millions of dollars to a guy that told us that God was going to kill
him if he didn't raise enough money. When he didn't get enough money, he
didn't die. So we gave him more money in celebration of the fact that God
didn't make him die.
We've managed to keep the formulas for Coca-Cola and Kentucky Fried Chicken
secret for decades, we encrypt the most banal communications on our
Information Superhighway, and yet we given away our most important nuclear
secrets to the Chinese and Russians at the drop of a hat.
And yet, with all this on the A-1 Psycho balance sheet, you still think
you're more nuts than us that this won't result in your complete and utter
annihilation? One way or another, your way of life will be over, period.
Freedom's kind of a crazy, kooky, nutty thing when you look really close at
it and all the bizarre and loony things that can result from it, but it's
better than any other ideas anybody else has come up with. It's been that
way since 1776, and built to last no matter how insanely we try to screw it
up on a daily basis. We are even so nuts and ruthless enough as a nation to
start insanely tearing at those of ourselves that even remotely resemble you
in such rancorous, deplorable, and angry ways that will make you wonder if
Allah has enough glue to piece enough of you back together for a flesh
paperweight in Paradise.
We may not know where you are now, but when we do I guarantee you that the
majority of our high school children will still have no idea where on the
globe where you are or where you will end up being buried. But we will send
them anyway, and we will allow those of them that went into the armed
services because they didn't manage to get into college *still* rain down
Hell and fire on your worthless hides. It will all come down on you, because
we're nuts enough to give all four of our branches of military services
extremely powerful and deadly aircraft even though only one of them is
actually called the Air Force.
Picking a fight with the most insane nation on Earth with the hope that your
message and influence will spread throughout the world, well, that's just
downright stupid.
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