Some Actual Signs
In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll
On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."
Outside a radiator repair shop, "Best place in town to take a
In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you
are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."
On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except
At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking
for, you've come to the right place."
On a taxidermist's window, "We really know our stuff."
On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs."
On a fence, "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet --
miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop, "No appointment necessary. We'll hear
In a dry cleaner's emporium, "Drop your pants here."
On a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and
the 2nd one just left."
In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit!
At the electric company, "We would be delighted if you send in
your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!"
On the side of a garbage truck, "We've got what it takes to take
what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)
In a restaurant window, "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in
and get fed up."
Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin
In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat any place they want."