Questions about the nature of love

**Idlie** · 10-08-2002, 08:56 PM

What do you guys and gals think? Is there such a thing as a soulmate? Or is love merely circumstance?

Can circumstance force apart soulmates? Or is it that once you have found your soulmate, by virtue of being soulmates, you transcend all barriers?

In life can one trully be happy without the love of a mate?

Beyond the chemical and biological mechanisms of nature, does love exists? Is love of a higer dimension or just an illusion?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

**nickel** · 10-11-2002, 04:18 PM

Originally posted by Idlie
What do you guys and gals think? Is there such a thing as a soulmate? Or is love merely circumstance?

Can circumstance force apart soulmates? Or is it that once you have found your soulmate, by virtue of being soulmates, you transcend all barriers?

In life can one trully be happy without the love of a mate?

Beyond the chemical and biological mechanisms of nature, does love exists? Is love of a higer dimension or just an illusion?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

wow, 'lots of deep questions.
yes, i believe in soulmates. it is an instant attraction, and feels like you have known the person your whole life or maybe in a different life.

i think circumstances can force soulmates apart, but you always have a place in your heart and soul for that person. you don't forget them.

love definitely is not an illusion. it is real. it is deep rooted, and sometimes uncontrollable. sometimes love owns you and you can't do a thing about it, but ride.

**Idlie** · 10-11-2002, 04:34 PM

wow a reply hehe its been days!

do you think its possible to have more than one soulmate?

**tweeteresa** · 10-11-2002, 05:44 PM

i dont think neone replied cuz its too much thinking.

**DankNstickY** · 10-11-2002, 11:12 PM

yea...... i had checked in a few times but never posted cus too much thinking was involved.

i'm in a somewhat thinking mood right now so i'll post.

i think soul mates do exist and...*gasp* they dont even have to be of the opposite sex. for example, at school i had seen these 2 guys, kinda crazy lookin. like the huge pants..... tight shirts, dark colored clothes all the time, and they were always hangin out together. one of my friends knew them and told me that they believed they were soulmates, just cus they clicked so well.

its not that they were gay or anything, they just created a really good friendship between themselves. some find it wierd; others dont.

i think love definitely exists too, its not an illusion. but i cant really talk since i've never been there. so..

. love is one thing, but love at first sight is another. i dont really believe in that. because if u think about what love means.... IMO, its a feeling that u have towards a person that u have gotten to know really well from the inside, and not just the outside. by just seeing a person, u can't tell if they are a nice person, serious person, funny person, or if they're somebody u'd want to talk to in the first place. looks only go so far, i think.

crap..... i just fried all my brain cells.... thats it for now.

**tweeteresa** · 10-12-2002, 01:56 AM

eh guess it's my turn huh?

What do you guys and gals think? Is there such a thing as a soulmate? Or is love merely circumstance?

Can circumstance force apart soulmates? Or is it that once you have found your soulmate, by virtue of being soulmates, you transcend all barriers?

In life can one trully be happy without the love of a mate?

Beyond the chemical and biological mechanisms of nature, does love exists? Is love of a higer dimension or just an illusion?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

I'm not sure I believe in that soulmate thing. I guess it depends on how you would define it though. If a soulmate is someone you just clicked really well, i.e. talk to, do stuff with, rely on, trust, would die for, etc..., and excluding the romantic love, then yes I do believe in that. But once you add romantic love to the equation, it all screws it up.

I do believe in love. It is a real feeling, a great feeling at that (spoken from experience, although that experience passed

) I don't believe true love last though. As said, "all good things must come to an end." Whether that end be death or just falling out of love. The other thing is, there are different kinds of love, i.e. romantic love, passionate love, affectionate love, family love, etc... I think the one love that fades as time goes by is the passionate love. That only last for a certain time period, sooner or later it slowly gets replaced affectionate love or some other kind.

Passionate love is that love that some people call the "honeymoon" phase of dating, the few months that two begins dating. Or the first few months, years if lucky, of newlyweds.

Yes circumstances can force soulmates or lovers apart. There's many things that contribute to a relationship. Yes, love is a big part of it...but just because you have love does not mean things will work. There's many other factors that must be included and abide by both sides to truly make it last.

But just because you're apart does not mean you forget. The memory lives forever. That person will always have a place in your heart, not matter how big or small. Sure time makes it less evident, but it never goes away.

To be truly happy, one must have felt/experience of passionate/romantic love for life to be full and enrich.

Wow that was a lot of thinking...not all good either. Anyhow you should post up your thoughts now!

**nickel** · 10-12-2002, 06:15 AM

Originally posted by Idlie
wow a reply hehe its been days!

do you think its possible to have more than one soulmate?

yes, i do.

**Ladogaboy** · 10-12-2002, 06:58 PM

I do not believe in soulmates, and I think anyone can reason themselves out of feeling a certain way.

Oh, and love is every bit as "real" as most things in life.

**hapoo** · 10-12-2002, 08:52 PM

Just playing devils advocate cause I’m in the mood

I think love is just a result of evolution. It’s an emotion that brings two people extremely close together for a short period of time just for the sake of passing on genes. Studies have shown that most couples break up at the 3-4 year mark. Well this just happens to coincide with the amount of time it takes for a child to grow enough as to not be as much a Burdon as to require both parents. Of course its a great feeling, and since I believe in god I gotta believe its got some higher meaning, but scientifically, its nothing more than a chemical which can be controlled (Eat enough chocolate and you'll get the same feeling)

As for soulmates... all depends on your definition. Yeah there are people I have instantly clicked with, but people grow and change, unless two people are also in-sync, the soulmate-ness will also go away.

**Idlie** · 10-13-2002, 06:10 PM

arg! how sad! i just spend like an hour writing a long long response to my beliefs on this post, but the system logged me out now i've lost everything...

I hate that!

here's a very short version of what i tried to say:

I believe in the existence of a soulmate, i don't think we can find our soulmate easily in this world because there's just so much random chaos mixed into our world. yet at the same time, i feel that there is an overall order to the universe and that we exist because of this order, i'm not claiming there is a God or even if this ordering is accidental. for whatever reasons, there must be an ordering otherwaise we wouldn't exists. Humans connect to one another on a higer dimension than that which is merely physical, spend enough time and effort actually talking with someone and you will see what i mean, when the connection between yourself and another is sufficiently "large" then you get this feeling of completeness, of oneness and contentment. It is my hope that if you find your soulmate, then you will experience this feeling of completeness for the rest of your life. (on a side note, i think our longing for this type of connection is the basis of society, we seek to be complete, but our connection with most people is small, so we go for quantity instead of quality of connection. i think the current trend of inpersonnal communities leaves many to question their role in life. )

now to send before i lose this reply too.

**kain9i6** · 10-16-2002, 02:35 PM

Strange.. for some reason my mind won't let me come up with an answer to this question.

I need to see a shrink........ deep seeded issues blocking any input on this topic.

**iDave** · 10-17-2002, 01:21 PM

Originally posted by Idlie
What do you guys and gals think? Is there such a thing as a soulmate? Or is love merely circumstance?

Can circumstance force apart soulmates? Or is it that once you have found your soulmate, by virtue of being soulmates, you transcend all barriers?

Yes! There is definitely such a thing as a soulmate.

Soulmates:
Can be opposite sex or not
Can be more than one, but not many
Should always describe your spouse before they are your spouse
Can be forced apart only by their acquiescence
Are not easy to find
Are worth the quest

**iDave** · 10-17-2002, 02:26 PM

Originally posted by Idlie
...Beyond the chemical and biological mechanisms of nature, does love exists? Is love of a higer dimension or just an illusion?...

//verbose mode on

Love does exist. It is of a much higher order. And, the illusion is most commonly associated with our misunderstanding of it.

People (especially some scientists and academics) are funny about such things. At the first glimpses of understanding, many become smug with attitudes of mastery over subjects they little understand. Now that science can at long last measure some of the more hidden biological responses to emotions such as “love”, a few have decided that they now fully understand it. Those few fail to see the distinction between observable consequences and true essence. It does not seem to occur to them that there could be anything more. Unfortunately, this is a common enough response even from, if not especially from, the “well” educated.

A hundred years ago there were actually some scientists boldly proclaiming that we knew most of what could be known; there just was not much left to discover. It is all the more absurd in retrospect, but back then it passed as “advanced thought”.

Fifty years ago, science was aglow over its ability to break down and understand complex compounds such as mother’s breast milk. Bold proclamations came out in the press about how science now fully understood breast milk and could quickly bypass further evolution and make something much better for infant children. Science has improved dramatically since and acknowledges that there is currently no way to create a formula nearly as good for infants as breast milk, much less better. Actually, it has been learned that there is a link between the nursing infant and the mother that allows the mother’s body to constantly “customize” the actual composition of the breast milk. What a design!

All this to say that such ideas as, love is just biochemical, are nonsense. I think it is great that the research is being done, but such bold proclamations when so little is really known and less is understood, are silly.

Frankly, I think most scientists do know better but, stating that love is purely biological/chemical makes for much more sensational headlines.

//verbose mode off

**kain9i6** · 10-17-2002, 06:58 PM

Originally posted by iDave

Yes! There is defiantly such a thing as a soulmate.

Soulmates:
Can be opposite sex or not
Can be more than one, but not many
Should always describe your spouse before they are your spouse
Can be forced apart only be their acquiescence
Are not easy to find
Are worth the quest

You rock..

I wanted to post in further detail before, but couldn't because I have had my heart torn more often than not, so I'm basically biased when it comes to the subject of love.. I can give advice, for I learn off of my own experiences and the experiences of others.. But, when asked such a straight forward question that has to deal with my personal beliefs, I always turn back to the times my heart was used for toilet paper..

**iluvbukaki** · 10-17-2002, 09:08 PM

Love is something people like to make up so that they feel
something spiritual. Most people mix up love with need. As
in I 'love' you meaning I 'need' you because my mind thinks
that I have to have a soulmate. Guys often get into this love
business because they want a girl who will pay attention to
him (and looks good, of course). Girls often get into this
love business because they win when you bring that word up.
How often have you heard 'We don't need a prenup, don't you
love me?' or 'We need to have a kid because of our bond of
love'. Guys use it for the same reasons sometimes. Not as
often, but sometimes. Think of 'Baby! I'm sorry I got drunk
and [Insert stupid thing done (ie. cheated/beat on you)],
I love you baby!!, I need you'. Its used as a tool. Years
have gone by and we have learned how DNA works, how to treat
many medical diseases, but there's always this stuff about
'does love really exist'. We've cloned sheep, are about to
make organic organs (if we haven't already), but we can't
figure out love? Why that? Is it because its so complicated,
or is it because the answer is so simple and unemotional that
people don't want to believe it? Love's a tool and a crutch.

**Snigle** · 10-30-2002, 01:29 AM

I definatley believe that everyone has a soulmate.
Love is more than circumstancial, it's every fiber of you and them comming together as one. If you love someone and it is unconditional and those feelings are reciprocated then wouldn't it stand to reason that this person is your soulmate? Excepting you for everything that you are and are not?
I know that there are circumstance that can force soulmates apart.
Just because you are soulmates does not mean that sometime in your
life you are not going to do a series of things, or have a string of events, that is going to dramatically alter your behavior, attitude,
and or beliefs. Like for example, you have in your mind, an idea of
what is the most horrible thing you could possibly do to someone.
And then you preceed to do this thing or series of things to your
soulmate. Why? Because we often hurt the most the ones we love and are closest to.
I don't know if in life one can truely be happy without a mate (refering to soulmate I presume). I do however feel that you will not expirence the height of happiness until you have found your soulmate. Nor will you expirence the deepest sorrow until you loose that someone.
Love has nothing to do with chemical or biological influnces. Love is it's own driving force, akin to no other feeling, but linked to all of them. Love is beyond description by any words known to man. Trying to do so would only diminish it's true wonder and beauty, becaue love is a unique, and individual expirence, unlike any other. true love found with your soulmate is beyond words and brings the feelings of joy and happiness, in their every form, to it's furtherest points and then much further than man could fathom.
If you asked all the above questions because you think that you are in love and have found your soul mate. Then might I suggest giving it some time, like say three years. For if you have truely found your soulmate then everyday you will probably feel like you just couldn't love this person anymore, and if you do love them more you are going to burst. If you question wether or not they are your soulmate then maybe they are, or maybe you know deep down that they are not. Go with the first one, it will atleast be an expirence.

**Snigle** · 10-30-2002, 01:31 AM

Originally posted by iluvbukaki
Love is something people like to make up so that they feel
something spiritual. Most people mix up love with need. As
in I 'love' you meaning I 'need' you because my mind thinks
that I have to have a soulmate. Guys often get into this love
business because they want a girl who will pay attention to
him (and looks good, of course). Girls often get into this
love business because they win when you bring that word up.
How often have you heard 'We don't need a prenup, don't you
love me?' or 'We need to have a kid because of our bond of
love'. Guys use it for the same reasons sometimes. Not as
often, but sometimes. Think of 'Baby! I'm sorry I got drunk
and [Insert stupid thing done (ie. cheated/beat on you)],
I love you baby!!, I need you'. Its used as a tool. Years
have gone by and we have learned how DNA works, how to treat
many medical diseases, but there's always this stuff about
'does love really exist'. We've cloned sheep, are about to
make organic organs (if we haven't already), but we can't
figure out love? Why that? Is it because its so complicated,
or is it because the answer is so simple and unemotional that
people don't want to believe it? Love's a tool and a crutch.

I feel sorry for you if you actually believe what you just said.

**welfareloser** · 10-30-2002, 08:38 AM

there are lots of different people you could fall head-over-heels, breathlessly in love with... more for some than for others. some people are incapable of falling in love; some people are capable of falling in love, but incapable of making a relationship work.

i think the "soulmates" concept is a bunch o hooey that people use to absolve themselves of responsiblility... it didn't work out because... we weren't... SOULMATES (not because i'm a c**t.) i want a relationship... but i just HAVEN'T FOUND MY SOULMATE... (not because i'm immature and can't handle a relationship right now and will send perfectly wonderful men screaming away because i treat them poorly.)

prm and i work not because we're soulmates, but because we know what we want, we communicate well, we accept each other, our lives mesh well, we want the same things in most major categories, we enjoy each others company, and we have a major spark of passion that survives even the ugliest roadbumps of life. and, i think most of all, because of our lack of problems - because we are largely compatible, we have fewer problems than most people, and the problems that we do have, we deal with quickly and completely. that's what it takes.

here's what i think... i think maybe 25% of long-term relationships are about what i have - still passionate, working mostly very well. of the rest, about half of them will go on because the couple would rather stay together for the sake of staying together than go on to the great unknown that lies beyond a breakup - they are in a comfortable habit rather than a good relationship, and they have done the work necessary to tolerate each other. the other half will jab each other in the ribs with sharpened sticks, call names during fights, refuse to see things the other person's way, be more interested in being right than being fair, wonder what the hell is wrong with the other person without trying to define and resolve the problems, be more intersted in blame than resolution, and generally be unpleasant to each other until one person cheats or or just leaves, and then they'll either go on to do the same to their next partner, or they'll grow up and create something better the next time.

some wholes are more than the sum of their parts. egg + flour + sugar + chocolate + heat is more than just "heated foodstuffs" - it is a chocolate cake. human love is more than sex, pheromones, competition and procreation. i don't have any coherent theories or spiritual beliefs in this area... i just know what i feel, and i know that it is big, and good, and that's all i really need to know. if other people feel that their lives are enriched by developing elaborate thoughts on the "meaning" or "purpose" of it all, okay. i don't.

and i think some people are happy without mates - they have loving relationships with friends and family, their work is fulfilling, and they do good things for others. they're probly pretty rare, tho... people that confident and fulfilled would probly find a mate easily. then there are people who feel worthless if they haven't gotten to wear a wedding dress by the age of 27-1/2.

**Idlie** · 10-31-2002, 08:04 PM

i found your thoughts interesting welfareloser, i shall give it a lot more thought, some of the things you said made a lot of sense, and i believe i think too much about these things hehe. i wonder why i'm so miserable without a girl...

**mink** · 11-02-2002, 12:21 PM

Man was weeping the entire time. He was married some 60 years. That is a soul mate. When you look into her (his) heart, and see pure happiness there is the beginning of the explination.

I'm married, with 3 kids. I'm still in love, and I still dont know what is a soul mate.

**molecularfire** · 11-05-2002, 01:55 PM

IMO, love is the best excuse that society has ever thought up. It lets us get away with doing anything no matter how selfish, reckless or hurtful. People can convice themselves into loving anyone.

btw: this is NOT my viewpoint about emotions in general. I personally don't think love is an emotion, just an excuse. Emotions IMO are a side-effect of sentience. Think of it this way... sentience is a relatively new thing in evolution. While most people would like to think of us as finished products, we are still works in evolutionary process. Heck, we've evolved just as much as roaches. Anyways, since evolution is still in process, nature is constantly trying new things and getting rid of failures. Sentience is a relatively new thing. What we feel as emotions is just a side-effect of that. However, this is not to say that emotions are useless. In the next million years or so, the people who can maximize the potential usefulness of their emotions (and those emotions) will be kept while the emotions that are more harmful than useful will be discarded. I think the primary emotions rage and fear will be kept. As for the secondary emotions, it's a draw. At this stage I'm not sure, but if I had to guess, I think love would be eliminated over time. Way too destructive an emotion to be useful in the long term.

**welfareloser** · 11-05-2002, 02:32 PM

Originally posted by molecularfire
At this stage I'm not sure, but if I had to guess, I think love would be eliminated over time. Way too destructive an emotion to be useful in the long term.

i'd totally guess the opposite. i can't think of anything else that could match the efficiency of love in gettin all those pesky babies made. i mean, seriously, logic ain't gonna git that job done.

**NuTs62** · 11-05-2002, 03:23 PM

Originally posted by welfareloser

i'd totally guess the opposite. i can't think of anything else that could match the efficiency of love in gettin all those pesky babies made. i mean, seriously, logic ain't gonna git that job done.

test tube babies? what was the other thing, in-vitro fertilization?

**Ladogaboy** · 11-05-2002, 06:06 PM

Originally posted by welfareloser

i'd totally guess the opposite. i can't think of anything else that could match the efficiency of love in gettin all those pesky babies made. i mean, seriously, logic ain't gonna git that job done.

Love and sex are two different things, and if anything, love is one of the best contraceptives. "No, I can't give in to my basic urges to have sex with you. I'm saving myself for the person I love."

**welfareloser** · 11-05-2002, 07:25 PM

ladoga: there are lots of different kinds of love, not all of them good - love can be selfish, etc, as stated previously. and love and sex are very much intertwined. "i think i love you, yeah, let's do it!" happens about 200 times more often than "i'm saving myself for my soulmate."

nuts: half of all pregnancies (and that's just in this country) are unplanned. it's accidents of love that keep this species goin

**molecularfire** · 11-06-2002, 02:00 PM

i'd totally guess the opposite. i can't think of anything else that could match the efficiency of love in gettin all those pesky babies made. i mean, seriously, logic ain't gonna git that job done.

Unfortunately, the ones who tend to have babies because of love are the ones who are least likely to be able to take care of them (although... there are obviously a LOT of exceptions). Not an absolute thing... just a trend I see.

Originally posted by Welfareloser: "i think i love you, yeah, let's do it!" happens about 200 times more often than "i'm saving myself for my soulmate."

Originally posted by me: love is the best excuse that society has ever thought up. It lets us get away with doing anything no matter how selfish, reckless or hurtful.

nuts: half of all pregnancies (and that's just in this country) are unplanned. it's accidents of love that keep this species goin

Nope. It's the love of sex that keeps this species going.