Friends or Users....You decide

[Hunny]

Example: You have a friend who thinks you're rockafella's sister...you have a fairly new car...always seem to have money...and pretty much can do what you want. Despite the fact you have a family, bills, and all the responsibilities that go along with it, your friend seems to, on many occasions, assume you will carry the burden of paying for them when they're pockets are empty...for instance...you'll go to the mall, its been hours...you're hungry..you go to eat, and guess what..."SOMEONE doesn't have any money"...so you offer to pay for them because you're starved and hadn't eaten since early morning...and you very well can't eat in front of them....

Your husband goes away...your friend asks him to buy them a shirt while he was there...he comes home...gives them the shirt...they say " oh thank you"...takes the shirt & doesn't give him the money

You're asked to go out...you say " good idea,sounds fun...ok"...now, you find out the original idea is for you to pick them up which is 30 minutes out of your way...bring them to where you're going which is back the way you came from...bring them back home after the night is over...then travel back home which will be over an hours drive...

You're pretty crafty...and you make gifts for people...your friend assumes that anything you make will be free for them...

Should I continue ?

[Nija]

I have no problem with eating in front of people that can't afford food for themseleves.

I love psychic vampires...

ditch them, so they leech off someone else. hopefully people will wise up to this kind of thing.

[oblongmelon]

so this is what you do-if they invite you out-you say..OK I'LL MEET YOU THERE..PLAN ON A TIME..
if they ask your husband to bring them souveniers make sure he tells them he won't have TIME TO SHOP around so probably NOT THIS TRIP..
If they suggest at being hungry with no money then they should have stayed home or not bought that one last shirt..if they truly don't have money to begin with-then be a good friend and get them something..sometimes whats worse than being broke and asking for something is being broke and having too much pride to be asking for something like food..real friends would be able to tell the difference...and base their actions on that. There is also what is called "living on champagne taste with beer money"...I don't know about you-but when we had a bills, I never had a fairly new car..EVER! Not when there was a house to be paid for, and kids to feed and clothe. We made sure bills were paid, and there was food in the fridge-there WAS nothing extra to buy fairly new cars with-or to go shopping with!

[Hunny]

Originally posted by oblongmelon
so this is what you do-if they invite you out-you say..OK I'LL MEET YOU THERE..PLAN ON A TIME..
if they ask your husband to bring them souveniers make sure he tells them he won't have TIME TO SHOP around so probably NOT THIS TRIP..
If they suggest at being hungry with no money then they should have stayed home or not bought that one last shirt..if they truly don't have money to begin with-then be a good friend and get them something..sometimes whats worse than being broke and asking for something is being broke and having too much pride to be asking for something like food..real friends would be able to tell the difference...and base their actions on that. There is also what is called "living on champagne taste with beer money"...I don't know about you-but when we had a bills, I never had a fairly new car..EVER! Not when there was a house to be paid for, and kids to feed and clothe. We made sure bills were paid, and there was food in the fridge-there WAS nothing extra to buy fairly new cars with-or to go shopping with!

I am far from selfish here...if thats what you're driving at...I am a real friend..and I have "given" more times than I can count..including paying one of them 10 dollas to gas up so she could meet me at the mall which was 10 minutes from her house...As far as poor...lets see...she can get her nails done...get her hair done..go away every weekend..she smokes, which those ciggys could pay for gas...blahhh blahhh blahhhh...
As far as cars go...I'm pretty "old" and I've had two brand new cars my entire life...the first I had for 20 yrs, and this one I have now going on my 4th year...so there ...and I have been "there"...eating nothing but bologna sandwiches with mustard..so I know the other end of the stick...
Now..does it seem like I dont' like her? I do...and if I wasn't nice, I'd have re-wrapped up that book she gave me for a gift one year with the personalized insert to herself...

Nija: You are too funny with your comment about eating in front of them..I'm not that brazen

[eSDee]

Hunny, she seems like the classic example of a manipulator. Is this an old family friend or something? I imagine you wouldn't have had her as a friend for a long time if she was always like this. I would make it a point to stop inviting her to events in which she might take advantage. Don't hide it from her though, let her know that you are doing these things. If she ever asks you why you didn't invite, tell her you couldn't afford to invite her. She should get the hint, and realize that if she wants to come hang out with you, she's gotta be packin her own duckets.

Good luck with her. And welcome to G|A.

[Ladogaboy]

I once remember hearing a story about a certain specie of vampire bats. These bats can't survive the night if they haven't had anything to eat, so those bats who were unsuccessful in finding food look to their neighbors for sustenance. If that bat is later successful in finding food and refuses to reciprocate the favor, the rest of the bats remember and will refuse to help that bat in the future. Sooner or later, the greedy little bat will starve and die.

Anyway, it's just a story. Maybe your friend would enjoy hearing it.

[ZrEo0]

i do that sometimes, but not on purpose, and once i do get money i will eventully pay the person back, even if it takes a year or 2

[Leebo]

I'd assume they just are inconcsiderate first then a "user" just to give them the benefit of the doubt.

[faither]

Originally posted by Hunny
Example: You have a friend ...

Way too many examples to consider any of these "a once in a blue moon." Definitely a USER. And as someone who continues to enable this type of behavior, on the continuum of good friend to sucker, you're closer to the latter.