Roommate Issue

[Paul@Rogue]

I have this roommate who's dating a, well, noise demon. That's what I call her anyway (that or broken steam whistle, or 'Bitch' when I'm feeling uncreative). She's the most unlikeable, clingy, head case I've ever met. She never stops yapping in a voice that could be used to ping ballistic missle submarines. And she has so little in her head that it pops at high altitudes. I've never even had a conversation with her (the most she's capable of is a monologue that could make a crack-addict hopped up on goofy-rocks fall into a twitching coma). For some reason my roommate, we'll call him Chris, is devoted to this chiwawa (sp?) in human form. He's turned from a reasonably likeable guy to basically a whiny, irritating, ungrateful and thoughtless accessory of hers. Every thought and action seems to be based entirely on this thought process: If I do this will she yell (more like screech) at me?

On numerous occaisons I've seen her throw a tantrum for no apperant reason. Later after discovering the reason (someone at a party commented on her feet, Chris liked an actress in a movie, the list of assinine reason is considerable) it became apperant that her problem was not a loss of touch with reality, but a complete lack of it to start with.

Its gotten to the point that my previous best friend is nothing more than a walking chattering 'revenge of the body snatcher's" shadow of what he used to be.

My question is: Is there a place I can rent a cannon that could accomodate the yammering she-curse and fire her into the atlantic?

Thanks.

[sbp]

Aren't you in Canada Paul@Rogue? Cannons are no longer permitted in the Great White North anymore. However in America cannons are readily available at the local drugstore with a short waiting period.

How old is this terrible shrew? Maybe she needs to wear these:

Maybe Apex can put up some deal to get rid of this misbegotten banshee. But even this may be beyond the mighty one's control.

And finally sorry-shooting this misbehaving shedevil into the ocean is against environmental regulations. Maybe a landfill would be more appropriate!

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[NiceMann]

hehe differently sounds like my old girlfriend. We broke up because I wouldn't tell her I love her....hehe I'll be damned if I was going to tell that B@!ch that I loved her. Oh well can't really say I miss her

[RoniMan]

well, i was a resident advisor for 3 years, and a resident dean for a year. i had some serious advice for you, but the advice already given is much better.

[StarvingCollegeStudent]

Heheheh... sell her into prostitution in Europe, you make money and get rid of her

[speedracer120]

ROFL what a creative and hilarious solution to an annoying problem. Not to mention profitable.

[Uranus]

How about this:
1. Start talking to her.
2. Get her to like you.
3. Take her out (as a friend)
4. Get her drunk.
5. Make sure your friend catches you 2 have um a good conversation.
6. You friend will get pissed at you and dump her.
7. Wait 1 week.
8. Call up your friend.
9. Tell him it was her fault, she got you drunk and you don't remember a thing.

No more anoying taunting devil girl!

(#429 from Uranus' Get rid of the B!tch the easy way)

[Paul@Rogue]

Uranus:

There's several problems though:
#1 I can't talk to her. It is physically impossible, even when I first met her. She incapable of holding any sort of converstation due to the fact that she doesn't understand the concept of dialogue. That usually entails that one person speaks, one listens, then the other speaks and the first listens. She assumes that she does ALL the talking. All the time. Non-stop. At this point you could use her jaw to cut steel cables.

#2 The 'her getting to like me' train has long left the station. After a while of putting up with her idiocy my only reaction was to make her as unwelcome and uncomfortable as a lame gazelle surrounded by a pride of lions. To put it mildly, she hates me.

#3 I'd rather have a fork stuck in my eye than to go anywhere with her.

#4 Refer to #1. The likelyhood of her being able to hold a conversation is about equal to that of Bubba getting over his taste for interns.

#6 Not a day goes by that I don't tell him what a useless piece of flesh she is. Even if I attempted the plan, he'd see it as a clever ruse, and wouldn't get pissed off anyway. I've insulted her so many times infront of him that at one point I had to refer to a thesaurus because I had run out of things to call her.

#7, 8, 9 If the first 6 steps were viable then this would be a good plan.

Don't get me wrong, Uranus, for a typical situation, this would likely work. But we're going BEYOND typical.

I really do need that cannon.

[Chief Broom]

dude Paul I feel for you man. My good friend introduced me to her roomate and when i started to date the roomate, the old friend/introducer turned into a psychopath around me. I havn't really talked to her in god knows how long now. Being forced to live with psychotic women in your life sucks doesn't it?? If my old friend was a guy, I could at least beat the living crap out of him and have a nice cathartic experience

[Sjarred]

Tell your roommate to talk to her. If he's a good roommate or a good friend, he'll tell her how you feel. But if he doesn't, go find another roommate.