why the heck do we do it ladies???

**avlena** · 06-30-2004, 09:53 PM

so, i'm in this funk tonite... why? apparently switching from a lifestyle of running all over campus going to classes to sitting on my bum programming 40 hours a week has had less then desirable effects. i'm gaining weight. and this depresses me. so i'm sitting here getting depressed, because i have a tummy, and then, i start to get angry. why the heck am i so concerned with having a flat model-like stomach??? why the heck should it bother me so bloody much? it's not like i'm unhealthy... i went from being a slender 110, to an average 130lbs. i don't look fat... and reality is, i'm not! but i'm upset because my my stomach isn't going to look sexy in a bikini. and this is just plain stupid. because i know my fiance is going to love me no matter what i look like, and he certainly finds me sexy.

but, every month, i open up my Glamour magazine, and come across that section that inevitably will be there, taunting me - the section that proclaims that I, Ms. Average Gal, could look like that hot model, if i do these simple exercises! wow! then, i turn and flip through my Maxim (i'm a well rounded gal!) and lo and behold... there's not a single article telling me how i could look better! no exercises to do, nothing about how to find the perfect swimsuit that maximizes my assets, and minimizes everything else! none of this ridiculous BS!

So ladies, why in the world are we so damned concerned with our appearance? why is it, that no matter what our logical brains tell us, we think that we have to have that super flat tight stomach, glowing skin, luscious boobs, etc, when the guys probably look at us and say: "damn, i'd hit it!" surely it can't be our fear of what guys think that make us so paranoid about our bodies, cuz quite frankly, while i take it as a compliment when a guy whistles at me, or smiles as he's checking me out, it's not enough... i'm still sitting here paranoid about the dreaded bikini season.

GAH! i have no point, i'm just ranting, but good grief ladies, we are really screwed up if every summer, we start freaking out over how we're gonna look in that new swimsuit.

worst thing is... as ridiculous as i know it is... sometimes, i just can't help myself. but oh well, tomorrow is another day.

**ray** · 06-30-2004, 10:15 PM

I think this is true for both men and women to a certain extent. There are men who go to gyms and exercise regularly for the exact same reasons...to look good and to look good to the opposite sex.

It's the same reason people act certain ways or say certain things...it's always used to create an "image" whether it is honest or not. We live in a society where "image" acts as a basis of judgement.

I would stop thinking about it and focus on posting more on Got|Apex? ;-)

**ShawnLee** · 06-30-2004, 11:38 PM

I'm about to hit the bench, and it's late enough for me to be posting in the late night thread.

**Apex** · 07-01-2004, 12:04 AM

For good or for bad, it's human nature to try to better ourselves. The issue is there's internal reason telling you that a healthy body is good, and hundreds of millions of marketing dollars per year telling you that healthy is too fluffy looking.

Do whatever causes you to feel your best. You draw that line.

Then, grab the fiance's Centurion and go on a La Perla spending spree!

**kimchicowboy** · 07-01-2004, 02:40 AM

i've got a belly too. whoop whoop!

**revil** · 07-01-2004, 03:34 AM

Originally Posted by kimchicowboy

i've got a belly too. whoop whoop!

I've got a belly too! But I've recently gotten health concious. So I'm eating less junk foods and have been doing some cross training. I was doing Judo twice a week (for 2 hours each time) and that was it. Now I'm doing Judo 4 times a week (2 hours MW, 3 hours TTh), weight training 3 day a week, other stuff every day (prioproception, aerobic and anarobic endurance, etc). I am rather exhausted, but i've never felt better. However, my muscles are now beginning to be seen beneath my fatty fat fatness. I can't say i'm displeased.

**lights** · 07-01-2004, 03:52 AM

you know,... there are some of us who actually like girls with a cute little tummy.

**Merlin** · 07-01-2004, 04:39 AM

Originally Posted by avlena

why the heck am i so concerned with having a flat model-like stomach???

Because you have some pride in yourself. Because you are proud of the way you looked. Because being in shape makes you feel healthier and you typically have more energy. Because you know Americans are notorious for being overweight and now you are part of the problem and not part of the solution.

Seriously, letting yourself go IS something you should feel bad about. Staying in shape is hard work but you know it is worth it. Keep your standards high and try to squeeze in a little more physical activity. It is hard but well worth it.

Always strive to be the best you can be.

i went from being a slender 110, to an average 130lbs.

20 pounds for someone your size is quite a bit. Over what time period did this happen? If it was a year or less it is a signal that you do need to make some important changes.

because i know my fiance is going to love me no matter what i look like, and he certainly finds me sexy.

Maybe so, but if he loves you he'll want you to be in shape for the added health benefits. People who are in shape generally have more energy, get sick less, and have a more positive attitude. All things that someone who loves you would support. And yeah, he'll like the sexier appearance as well. If you love him you'll want to be the best you can be for him as well.

...i turn and flip through my Maxim (i'm a well rounded gal!) and lo and behold... there's not a single article telling me how i could look better!

No there is not. When men want that we read Shape or Muscle & Fitness. Men's magazines specialize more. But the articles are still out there for anyone who wants them. And men eat it up just as much.

why is it, that no matter what our logical brains tell us,

(Sorry, couldn't help that one)

every summer, we start freaking out over how we're gonna look in that new swimsuit.

Men do that as well you know. I've got my own stomach issues that I'm working on and they pass through my head everytime I hit the beach or pool. Men may hide it better but we are just as troubled by our appearance.

**donnar** · 07-01-2004, 05:58 AM

I havce this major issue with my weight, When I met my husband I was 98 lbs and 5'6 like a stick but had D breast then I had my frist baby withing 3 weeks I was wearing a size 3 couldn't even tell I had a baby, then I had my second baby took a little longer to lose the weight about 3 months but I was getting to a 0, when I got preggo with my 3rd baby now it has been almost 2 years and I am still 135. I hate it I am not over weight or anything I am just not as skinny as I know I could be my husband thinks I am the most beatiful women in the workd he shows it and tell sme all the time but I just can't get over the fact that I weigh so much

**oblongmelon** · 07-01-2004, 06:07 AM

size /weight charts are bullsh|it if you ask me..who is to say what an "average weight" is for someone-you should be comfortable with your weight-and not worry about what others think..if you feel good at 130, then more power to ya...the way i see it is if someone has so much time on their hands that they can concentrate on someone else's weight-then they need to get a life..do yourself a favor and don't look at magazines that are going to give you a complex-it's hardly worth it. Those models may be all flat tummied, tan and buff but they have just as many problems as other people do....I'm sure alot of those flat stomachs come from hefty doses of purgatives instead of them being fit..love your body, love yourself. God made everyone different for a reason.

Originally Posted by donnar

I havce this major issue with my weight, When I met my husband I was 98 lbs and 5'6 like a stick but had D breast then I had my frist baby withing 3 weeks I was wearing a size 3 couldn't even tell I had a baby, then I had my second baby took a little longer to lose the weight about 3 months but I was getting to a 0, when I got preggo with my 3rd baby now it has been almost 2 years and I am still 135. I hate it I am not over weight or anything I am just not as skinny as I know I could be my husband thinks I am the most beatiful women in the workd he shows it and tell sme all the time but I just can't get over the fact that I weigh so much

Donnar your husband should be thanking you for giving him lovely children-not you worrying about why you have put on weight-relax

**attgig** · 07-01-2004, 07:20 AM

One thing that I can't get over is just how Media portrays the double standard between men and women.

yes, there are "Sexy" and not so "sexy" people of both genders on TV, but when I look at some of the sitcoms out there..... King of Queens, According to Jim, George Lopez...etc... The Men can be a bit round and average while the Women are still slender and gorgeous....
I dunno.... it's not with all shows that it's like that, but I've yet to see a show where the Girl is just Average, and the Guy is cut and handsome.

**ShawnLee** · 07-01-2004, 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by oblongmelon

size /weight charts are bullsh|it if you ask me..who is to say what an "average weight" is for someone

If I got down to the "healthy weight for my size" I can't imagine what I'd look like. Even at my peak in the Army, I was still considered obese on the straight weight charts. I'm very densely packed.

Originally Posted by attgig

yes, there are "Sexy" and not so "sexy" people of both genders on TV, but when I look at some of the sitcoms out there..... King of Queens, According to Jim, George Lopez...etc... The Men can be a bit round and average while the Women are still slender and gorgeous....
I dunno.... it's not with all shows that it's like that, but I've yet to see a show where the Girl is just Average, and the Guy is cut and handsome.

I was thinking the same thing. As in, these guys are slobs, how'd they get these chicks since it obviously wasn't the looks.

. Ruins my willingness to suspend disbelief.

Edit: I didn't even realize it, but I'm drinking my slimfast as I type this.

**mcs328** · 07-01-2004, 07:54 AM

I'm 5'7" -ish and I was 110 about a few years ago...now I'm 140. Let me tell ya that 30 lbs is in my face and gut. I had abs to speak of before but now I just got one.

I don't mind...I don't exercise or eat healthy since I got out of school so I got what was coming to me sitting and programming all day with a bag chips in my drawer. I'm sure the box of cup'o'noodles don't help me much either.

**chrissy** · 07-01-2004, 07:55 AM

It's been 4 months since Patrick was born, almost 5 honestly. I haven't dropped one pound. It's in the back of my mind all the time and the "just had the baby" excuse has ran it's course.
I picked up all my bad habits back up -- eating what and when I wanted while sitting when I could -- when I was pregnant. I have broke most of that, but I can't get motivated and when I am motivated, the baby needs my attention, so he gets top billing

With Mikey, and even Audie, I was a lot younger. The weight came off a lot easier. So far I am not seeing that. I know I am going to have to work at this, but I keep finding excuses (right now packing and moving and cleaning this house).

I have nice natural curves and I love my shape -- I could never be 110. I haven't been since before Jr. High. I usually sit at 135-140 (size 10 for my 5'1" frame) and to get back to that weight, is going to take more than chasing after Patrick this year.

**Maarchk** · 07-01-2004, 08:02 AM

Hmmm i think most people do it. especially out of college. I picked up some weight going from an active day, to 10 hours of work and commute. And not having a long lunch means fast food some days which is even worse. So yeah it bugs. You can either fight it and try to build in a workout schedule, or just be ok that you have a little tummy. I definitely have more then a little tummy

BUt i am working my way back. I make my lunch at least 4 times a week, and i am quitting soda, for water, and milk. Also i am trying to swing 30 minutes of exercise each day. Even if its situps while i listen to the dodgers game. Just something to keep the body active makes me feel better, even if its not climbing a mountain every day.

**molecularfire** · 07-01-2004, 08:06 AM

Eat/exercise to whatever level you're comfortable with, and what you think is healthy. The important thing is to seriously think about what will make you happy and do what it takes to get you there. Don't let soceity dictate what you what you should look like. Screw what the average idiot thinks. It doesn't matter how people look at you when you're alive because when we die, we all die alone.

**whitak24** · 07-01-2004, 08:30 AM

like apex said, i think you have to strike a balance. you basically have to find a weight that you're comfortable with -- where you feel healthy and where you're happy with how you look -- and then make a commitment to stick to that weight. make it kind of a line in the sand....maybe you're normally 125 and that's good, but if you hit 130 then it's time to start losing.

of course, right now i'm at about 15 pounds over where i want to be and i don't have the willpower/motivation to lose it

**cheapie** · 07-01-2004, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by avlena

(i'm a well rounded gal!)

oh yeah? prove it?

jk. i agree. i try to discourage the women i'm friends with from reading that ****. most of my pretty friends are down on themselves because they are always comparing their body with the bodies of the models. and the silly thing is, the models don't even look like that. thanks to airbrushing, temporary water loss techniques, etc., they look perfect. i rode in a plane the other day with renee zelwegger. (sp?) the first thing i noticed is that, holy crap, my wife is a lot better looking. of course, once you add all the makeup and special lighting, she's gonna look pretty fine.

Originally Posted by attgig

One thing that I can't get over is just how Media portrays the double standard between men and women.

yes, there are "Sexy" and not so "sexy" people of both genders on TV, but when I look at some of the sitcoms out there..... King of Queens, According to Jim, George Lopez...etc... The Men can be a bit round and average while the Women are still slender and gorgeous....
I dunno.... it's not with all shows that it's like that, but I've yet to see a show where the Girl is just Average, and the Guy is cut and handsome.

BUT....the dude is always a stumbling dumbass that needs correcting by his wife.
raymond, homer, king of queens, yes dear, etc. they're all like that. even the freakin' berenstein bears are like that.

name me a show that the husband isn't a tool. maybe dharma and gregg. obviously the guy can't be a total idiot if he landed a hot wife in spite of being an overweight bland white male.

**slaus** · 07-01-2004, 11:31 AM

I actually get sick and annoyed when my gf complains about her weight. I tell her she looks fine but she never feels happy with her weight. She's a size 0 and still wants to lose weight which makes no sense to me.

**ShawnLee** · 07-01-2004, 11:44 AM

If she's a zero, and loses weight, are there negative sizes to go to? Or does she have to call a haute coteur designer at that point and get something specially made?

**chrissy** · 07-01-2004, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by ShawnLee105

If she's a zero, and loses weight, are there negative sizes to go to? Or does she have to call a haute coteur designer at that point and get something specially made?

she goes into sizes my 10 yr old daughter wears....

**Memo** · 07-01-2004, 02:24 PM

I think there's a size 00, which is incredibly tiny. Only like Somalian unfed children fit into that ****.

**avlena** · 07-01-2004, 02:40 PM

Originally Posted by Memo

I think there's a size 00, which is incredibly tiny. Only like Somalian unfed children fit into that ****.

no kidding... 00?!?!?! daaaammnn... women's sizes aren't really consistant though. Like, i can be a size 3/4 in one brand, a size 8 in another. i think sometimes brands try to make their customers feel better by making bigger clothes smaller sizes.

**nickel** · 07-01-2004, 03:52 PM

avlena, don't beat yourself up over this, but don't get lazy either. you hafta wanna be in shape for yourself. it feels hella good fitting nicely into your favorite pair of jeans rather than having them feel tight.

i try to find fun ways to excercise: swim, rollerblade, join a volleyball or soccer league, find a friend to run with, go out dancing, etc. try to incorporate excercise into your life anyway you can. it has to become a way of life. and being in shape helps your attitude so much.

i could go on and on, but i don't wanna sound like Dr. Phil, so i will just say that it doesn't sound like you are that overweight, but if you don't like how you look you have the power to change it.

**ialsohaveadream** · 07-01-2004, 05:04 PM

Also, you could choose the exercise I always recommend to my fiance when she does her monthly ranting about her weight (coincidentally, seems to always be timed around "the visitor"...hmmmmm): Have more sex with me. Only in your case, it'd be with your man, not me.

**nickel** · 07-01-2004, 05:09 PM

actually sex is a mood enhancer, and ummm, absorption of sperm by the woman is also good chemically for lifting her spirits.

**ialsohaveadream** · 07-01-2004, 08:11 PM

Also, an orgasm increases your pain threshold (temporarily) by a pretty large amount. Want proof? Run full-speed into a wall after you finish next time.

**avlena** · 07-02-2004, 02:54 AM

Originally Posted by ialsohaveadream

Also, an orgasm increases your pain threshold (temporarily) by a pretty large amount. Want proof? Run full-speed into a wall after you finish next time.

hahahahaha... no thanks, i think i'll take your word for it ;-)

**attgig** · 07-02-2004, 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by cheapie

BUT....the dude is always a stumbling dumbass that needs correcting by his wife.
raymond, homer, king of queens, yes dear, etc. they're all like that. even the freakin' berenstein bears are like that.

name me a show that the husband isn't a tool. maybe dharma and gregg. obviously the guy can't be a total idiot if he landed a hot wife in spite of being an overweight bland white male.

so, that means I need to get fatter, and become more stupid to get a hot wife?