I don't know what i did lately, but there's some creepy stuff going on at the house. 1st the invasion of the ants. There is like no food in the house and they find one sealed tupperware jar of candy on our kegerator. Took a day to find their entrance to the house. Sneaky bastirds came in under the dining room TV stand thingy.
Next I notice something weird about this statue thing that holds a roll of tp (long story) and I go to check it out and this giant brown thing jumps on my hands and runs away and it's a big crazy looking roach. Im like m!@#$$%@!@#! and I snatch that lil bastard and toss in the toilet and flush.
Then we get a new pope and I'm thinking there's something about that guy.... A day goes by and Im watching my beloved Lakers lose to Portland of all teams. I'm chillin on the coach and I hear the sprinklers go on, but it's louder than usual and sounds like it's coming from the side of the house.
The sounds getting louder and I look to the left of the TV into the kitchen and the water is pouring out of the fridge where water and ice maker is. Im like wth, no ones here but me. I get up to investigate and it's like a bad scary movie. I shake the thingy that sends water and it keeps flowing. I try switching to ice and it keeps going. I slide the fridge out to have a look and see the power plug. The whole time I'm thinking dont go back there you idiot thats what "they" want you to do. So I MAN UP and call my Dad.... well that is what I should have done. Instead I go behind the fridge where it's dark and wet and scary and unplug the power and the water keeps flowing. Now I'm loosing it. M@#$@#$%$% #%#$ $#$%#$^ #$ #$%$% ^$##@@!!!!! DIE you @#$#@ @##$%$$! The kitchen has a quarter inch of water and the living room carpet is sucking it all up...
I slide the fridge over to the sink and funnel the water into the sink. I am a genius! Now most of the water is going into the sink. So I go back where the fridge was originally and start following the copper water tubing to..... the SINK!!!!! M@#$%$#%@$%$% I pull the fridge away so that I can get in there and water is poring out onto my back and Im soaked to the bone, going under the sink into darkness. Spider sense is going nuts cuz it's dark down there and Im not sure whats plugged in and... I find the valve and shut it off and half expected it to keep flowing because of it being possessed and all, but it stops. Silence! A little while later the front door opens and I just about jump out of my skin when my housemate shows up and is like wtf did you do. I splain everthing and blame it on evil spirits. He tells me to stfu and stop playing with water.
2 different kinds of pests and a flood and a new Pople in the same week... Cowinkiedink? Dont think so!
Damage has been contained. Im in my bed listening for the next sign of the apocolypse about to try to sleep.
*Recites Lords Prayer*
"....as I walk through the shadows of the valley....ahem..
*Has to google the Lords Prayer*
PLZPRY4MEnMY H O U S E KTHXBY