Proposal - Ring questions and other things

[Hiro]

So I have decided to propose to my girlfriend, a major step in a relationship indeed. The proposal won't be for about another year, after she graduates from Grad School (since fourth year is so busy and all).

However, I did want to start looking for rings. I have a few questions in that regard though...

1) How do the engagement rings work? I know there is an engagement ring as well as the Wedding Band, so that makes two rings? Am I right?

2) I'm looking for something unique, possibly custom made rings or a company that would sell stuff out of the norm. (i.e. - not just a ring, but a design or something.) This is an idea, not something I am 100% about wanting to get.

Thanks for the help in advance, but this whole thing is all new to me.

[Burzhui]

i've done my research on the subject.
Unless it's a Tiffany design don't even bother, and you will pay through the nose for Tiffany.

My suggestion to you, go to your jewelery district and buy a separate stone as well as a separate setting for it. This way you will control the pricing as well as get the color and clarity stone you want. You can always ask the jewelers to make something special for you setting wise, or if you have an idea in your head, draw it out and they will in most cases be able to do it.

As for 2 rings it's such a ripoff, that enagement bull**** is needed by no one. You want to get married say lets get married and then put the ring on her finger when the judge pronounces you married.

All the women are going to bitch and moan now i know that, but you seriously can't argue that engagement rings are a waste of money

[Hiro]

Well, the nice thing is, the girl I am with isn't heavily into all of that, or jewelry of any kind. So I have a very strong feeling she wouldn't be too keen on wearing two rings. Engagement Ring = Wedding Ring also in my opinion, and I am positive she is the same way.

I was just asking for clarification, making sure I was right on how it worked.

As far as getting the stone and setting separately, thank you for that advice. The downside of a "jewelry district" is that where we live, we don't have one. It's a college town, and very heavily so. It's mainly just liquor stores and apartments around here. So right now, I am looking for stores online that I can just peruse. I will physically go to stores in major cities in a few weeks.

[Burzhui]

depends if you want to travel to NY for that we have 47th Street in the city which has more gold than fort Knox

[mcs328]

I just got engaged. Traditionally you need two. Some sell them in sets so they 'go' together. Right off the bat, size is noticeable. Next I guess is cut or how it sparkles. Color. I put clarity on the low end because who the hell will have eagle eyes to notice a pin prick piece of carbon.

I got a 'Tiffany' style setting. I like it. It's classic. It says, 'Hey I'm engaged or married and off the market' to guys. Other styles I feel come across as "Hey this is costume jewelry and I think it's trendy...please flirt with me". But that's my two cents.

BTW I've been in the same store almost every weekend for 6 months an average of 3-4 hours a time looking at the stone. Ahem...*waits for his fiance to chime in*

[Nija]

Don't get a diamond.

Yes, engagement ring = 1 ring, wedding ring = 1 completely seperate, usually more expensive ring.

I say get your rings tattoo'd on. (Yes, I'm serious)

[TofuNinja]

Wow this is good stuff to know. I may be proposing sooner or later to my GF as well.

[Hiro]

Unfortunately we won't be going Nija's route of tattooing on the ring(s).

Someone else recommended Finks and Zales to me. Anyone else have any other recommendations or comments on those two companies?

[mcs328]

I went to a local jewelry store. We've look at major diamond outlets and we found them to be bit overpriced. You can look online and see what the going rate is for a diamond and compare it to your real world findings.

[kimchicowboy]

Don't get a diamond.

personally, i'm against diamonds. and my gf better know that and accept it.

[InfiniteNothing]

So I have decided to propose to my girlfriend, a major step in a relationship indeed. The proposal won't be for about another year, after she graduates from Grad School (since fourth year is so busy and all).

However, I did want to start looking for rings. I have a few questions in that regard though...

1) How do the engagement rings work? I know there is an engagement ring as well as the Wedding Band, so that makes two rings? Am I right?

2) I'm looking for something unique, possibly custom made rings or a company that would sell stuff out of the norm. (i.e. - not just a ring, but a design or something.) This is an idea, not something I am 100% about wanting to get.

Thanks for the help in advance, but this whole thing is all new to me.

1)You give the engagement ring first to let everyone know the mariage is coming, then you give the wedding band at the wedding to tie the knot. It's perfectly fine to use the engagment ring as a wedding band (she takes it off before the wedding and then you give it to her again)

You'll be amazed at how much more your girlfriend is into jewlery than you think. The really cool girls act coy about jewlery... maybe they wear almost none. But when it comes down to it, she's going to be showing this ring to everyone. Trust me on this one... you want to get her something that makes her eyes dialate. It doesn't have to be big but it has to be spectacular which makes it good that you're into custom designs.

I have a master jewler that I trust very much. He lives in washington. Master jewlers are jewlers who are trained as an apprentice for a long time and they can make custom rings a number of ways (ie. wax mold, forge/roll and braise, modify a casting hose ring).

Most women dislike their engagment rings and you end up having to shop for it again and install upgrades ... etc. I'm suprised that this isn't better known: I think you don't hear about it as much because it's kinda sad for a girl to say she wasn't amazed by her ring... It kinda defeats the romance of the momement and I guess girls don't like doing that. Anyhow, for this reason you must take her ring shopping. Some will scoff but again... there's really no alternative. You have to let her know that you're not thinking of proposing right away. It's actually good that you have some much time left. I recomend Robins Bros but if you're in San Diego, I have a little shop I like very much. Now this is just to get an idea of what she likes. You figure out the general charateristics that she's into (you may find out she's a sucker for miligrain). Then for the engagement ring you talk with your master jewler and design something very similar in flavor but more so (hard to describe). One of a kind rings are awsome because she won't see anyone else wearing them.

What main stone you put in depends on your budget and what you're looking for. It's a very personal decision and you almost HAVE to talk to your girlfriend about this before buying.

Diamonds and simulants both have their advantages:
Diamonds withstand heat, scratching, and chipping very well. They also have a certain warm brilliance that is great. I highly recommend Superbcert.com, Diamond Brokers of Florida, or Diamonds by Lauren. They have much nicer diamonds than anything you'll find in the mall. I'd say go for a nice color (F?) (unless she likes the warmer colors; some do). SI1 is where they may or may not be eye clean (eye clean is all you care about). Cut is very important but if you go with one of the three above you'll do fine. Size: don't break the bank. Personally I think anything bigger than 3/4 ct is a bit gaudy. It's all her call though... she may very well be into 1.5 ct. I've seen engagment rings with as little as 1/5 of a carat and they look fine. (I'm talking center stone here)

Don't use moisanite unless she's seen moisanite and approves. There are better moisanites and worse moisanites as well. Let me know if you're looking into moisanites. Moisanites don't look like diamonds next to diamonds. They are very easy to spot because they are doubly refractive and cut slightly different. They do have the advantage of being very hard to scratch and near impossible to burn

My absolute favorite simulant (CZ with diamond coating) can be found at www.betterthandiamond.com Their ashas are top rate. Nothing looks more like a well cut very white diamond (if she's into that).

Interlaps (CZ) are also nice simulants and much cheaper than Ashas.

If you want something a bit more steely (not like a D diamond (very whitest)) then my master jewler cuts "Kashmire" (CZ) himself. He also cuts saphires and other stones.

In terms of other gem stones I recomend going with synthetics. They look better than the real thing. Chatham is a good company that makes very attractive gem stones as well as colored (Blue, Pink, Yellow) diamonds.

Metals:
Platinum develops a patina and has to be repolished (if you want a mirror finish, the softer finish works too). It is very heavy. (I love it)

White gold: Some people have alergies to it. You have to get it replated or it'll turn yellowish. Less expensive.

[avlena]

Well, the nice thing is, the girl I am with isn't heavily into all of that, or jewelry of any kind. So I have a very strong feeling she wouldn't be too keen on wearing two rings. Engagement Ring = Wedding Ring also in my opinion, and I am positive she is the same way.

If you prefer the non-traditional route, you can also wear an engagement/wedding ring yourself. One of my friends wears a wedding band, as does her boyfriend/fiance, effectively taking them "off the market", and declaring their intent. I think it's really sweet when guys were engagement bands too.

Also, even if she isn't into jewelry, that doesn't mean she doesn't want an engagement & wedding ring. I know plenty of girls who hate jewelry, but are very attached to their wedding ring sets. The style of the ring probably matters more then the number. For example, if you get one ring that's just huge and ornate, she'd probably hate that and prefer two rings which are very slender and subtle. One of my co-workers has a wedding band (paired with her engagment ring) that is so skinny you barely notice she's wearing it.

[CrystalDuck]

It's great that you're willing to put time into this, because it is probably a very important decision to your girlfriend. I'd have to agree with Infinite on taking her browsing with you, unless you've given her other jewelry that she wears all the time. If she's picky about clothes or accessories, there is almost no chance that you will find the ring of her dreams without her help. And she might be fine with one ring, she might not, but do get her an engagement ring. You don't have to pay for the wedding band, I think. And bands can be pretty cheap anyway.

I think it's really sweet when guys were engagement bands too.

I always thought that this made men more attractive to other women, perhaps women who don't care about him being taken. It means that he's marriageable and doesn't need to be "trained" for lack of a better word. It's hard to find a good guy these days. I'd rather wait to tie the knot for my guy to advertise his greatness.

[RIVERWIDOW]

I would think the first order of business is does she like diamonds? I wear an engagement ring (that was my grandsmothers original) with a sapphire in it. That is my birthstone and I don't like diamonds. If you go birthstone it will be
a lot cheaper. You can go bigger stone for less. My wedding ring is a band of
sapphires. You might want to talk to her mom to see if there is a stone she likes better than a diamond. Good Luck

[Hiro]

She likes Diamonds, yes. And neither of us do the birthstone thing. So I think going with Diamond would be the best choice.

[doolittle]

ive been cutting gems for 17 years and know a bit about diamonds and jewelry in general, if you need advice let me know. shopping for a diamond can be like buying a used car. do your research and it will be worth your time.

[Showtime]

Do you have a jewerly mart nearbye? In Los Angeles, you can sometimes find some decent deals there.

-j

[Hiro]

Yea, I used to be in Los Angeles and i've seen all the Jewelry stores abount. Especially in Beverly Hills. Now I am in Blacksburg, VA. Close to Roanoke and Lynchburg, VA. But these places aren't known for having areas to buy Diamonds / Engagement rings.

Doolittle, i'll PM you soonish, thank you.

[PiPhiAngel]

yes, these are two seperate rings. usually, the engagement ring is the one with the ginormous diamonds. the wedding ring is frequently referred to as the wedding "band", and therefore, depending on your tastes, may not need to consist of any large diamonds.

you should be able to customize your ring at a number of places (i've even seen online sites that do it, but i'd only use those for research purposes). generally, the main things that you have to decide on are the grade and quality of the diamonds, the cut of the diamonds, how you would like them to be set on the ring, and what type of band you would like them to be set on. most typical bands are gold and platinum (not to be confused with white gold). even if you're only looking into a single diamond set on a plain band, there are still so many different types of cuts and settings to choose from.

imo, the grade and the cut are really important as the appearance of the diamond can be greatly increased by the perfect combination of the two.

if you're unsure about how to decide on the style of the ring, ask to bring your soon-to-be mother-in-law with you to help you decide, as was done with my sister's and all of my friend's engements. my brother-in-law bought my sister's engagement ring at tiffany's and had it customized-- i don't know what kind of a selection they have there, but maybe you can start at robbin's brothers since they're advertised to have the largest selection and great service.

[ufcrusher]

First things first......the four c's of diamonds. Cut, Clarity, Color, and Carats.

Each of these four things is very important in its own right...you can have a completely colorless stone that is cut badly and compared to another stone of worse color it will look like crap.

Typically, you want a stone that is D or F in color, which is near colorless.

For clarity, at minimum you want an SV1.....but in my mind that is low. I would try to get a VVSI as it will be much nicer.

For cut, there are tons of different cuts on the market. The traditional round stone can be cut as a "perfect cut", "brilliant cut", "radiant cut" and "master cut" among others. Basically the term cut refers to the number of facets on the side of the stone. A properly cut stone is going to bounce as much light around as possible, thus appearing more brilliant. Most of the stores will have displays set up to explain this to you. There are tons of other shapes other than round, you can have a marquiese, emerald, heart, tear drop, pear, and tons of other new shapes. Each has its benefits and detractors as to why that particular cut is enjoyed.

Carat - Yep, you know this one. Just remember these tidbits of information a .48 karat stone looks like a 1/2 carat stone but costs a hell less than a .50 stone. Same thing works on each of the other plateaus. If you go right below the size you want, you can save a good amount of money. Furthermore, if a stone is cut properly it can increase how large a stone looks. By this I mean, if you have a perfectly cut 1/2 carat stone next to a badly cut 3/4 carat stone....the 1/2 carat is going to be more noticeable and favored.

Now.....if you want to truly surprise your woman but allow her to pick her own setting (which they tend to be picky about) you can generally get the store to mount the stone as a solitaire. This means you will just have the diamond and a plain ring. Many women actually love the solitaire look as its timeless and classic. Others prefer more busy rings with other stones, filigrie, or other aspects that you couldnt keep straight if you tried.

Most reputable stores (NEVER BUY AT THE MALL OR IN A CHAIN STORE) will agree to buy back the solitaire setting (the gold, not the diamond) so long as you buy the new setting at their store. Thus, she can pick out her own setting, but you get the benefit of surprising her with the ring. FYI, most solitaire settings are so cheap that even in you end up having to eat it, it wont be more than a few hundred dollars.

Other tidbits of useful information:

Generally, the more prongs holding the stone, the less chance that it will be lost.
Mounting stones lower, helps prevent them from being damaged/lost.
You will want to make sure that your stone is laser inscribed as it prevents unscrupulous people from switching out your stone for a piece of glass.
You will also want to get the ring insured immediately. Your car/home insurance will likely have a policy that is relatively cheap and covers even if the stone is lost with no deductible. This way, you dont have to worry about it.
Dont be afraid to see if there is any rings in the family......sure she doesnt get to pick the style but most women find heirlooms to be romantic.

And the #1 most important piece of advice I can give you is:

Get ready to be shocked to hell when you go back looking for settings. My wife somehow came back with a $10,000+ setting. Suffice it to say, she didnt get that one*.


* -- She picked it out prior to me giving her my great grandmothers ring, so I didnt have to argue about it.

[Showtime]

Class is in session and ufc is the teacher!

Gj bro.

-j

[bachviet]

I had a set (engagement ring & wedding band) and my wedding band custom made at a local jewelry store (Asian Mall). My wife's wedding band has small diamonds on the outside edge and the engagement ring has small diamonds on the edge and the sides. My wedding band is just a plain looking ring without diamond. All three rings are made of platinum and they cost me $1800. The 1.06 carat rock (VVS1, brilliant cut, and F color) costs me $6K.

[Hiro]

The 1.06 carat rock (VVS1 and F color) costs me $6K.

is about all i have to say.

makes me glad i'm thinking about this about a year ahead.

[angl2b]

I just got engaged. Traditionally you need two. Some sell them in sets so they 'go' together. Right off the bat, size is noticeable. Next I guess is cut or how it sparkles. Color. I put clarity on the low end because who the hell will have eagle eyes to notice a pin prick piece of carbon.

I got a 'Tiffany' style setting. I like it. It's classic. It says, 'Hey I'm engaged or married and off the market' to guys. Other styles I feel come across as "Hey this is costume jewelry and I think it's trendy...please flirt with me". But that's my two cents.

BTW I've been in the same store almost every weekend for 6 months an average of 3-4 hours a time looking at the stone. Ahem...*waits for his fiance to chime in*

mcs328 you're engaged?? TO WHO????

[avlena]

is about all i have to say.

makes me glad i'm thinking about this about a year ahead.

Yeah, Graf said that he set out with a set limit in mind... and that kept getting bumped up everytime he went to another store, or found another setting he liked. By the time he found a setting he liked, his "limit" had doubled. Thankfully, the saleslady (Robbins Bro) was fantastic, and sneakily gave him her employee discount (although who knows, this could have been a ploy). But it does depend heavily of the quality/size of the ring you pick out - some people pay a lot more, some pay a lot less then 6k. The general rule of thumb is that it should cost 2 months of your salary, but you don't really have to adhere to it, just go with that you think your gf would want and you can afford. and remember, that you may have a very expensive wedding coming up that you have to save for too!

[InfiniteNothing]

Yeah, Graf said that he set out with a set limit in mind... and that kept getting bumped up everytime he went to another store, or found another setting he liked. By the time he found a setting he liked, his "limit" had doubled. Thankfully, the saleslady (Robbins Bro) was fantastic, and sneakily gave him her employee discount (although who knows, this could have been a ploy). But it does depend heavily of the quality/size of the ring you pick out - some people pay a lot more, some pay a lot less then 6k. The general rule of thumb is that it should cost 2 months of your salary, but you don't really have to adhere to it, just go with that you think your gf would want and you can afford. and remember, that you may have a very expensive wedding coming up that you have to save for too!

Don't you think the 2 months rule is a marketing ploy? It costs what it costs.

[InfiniteNothing]

Typically, you want a stone that is D or F in color, which is near colorless.

I'm going to pause to disagree here. Some women aren't very color sensitve and some prefer the steely HIJs.

[booger73]

Not trying to advertise for anyone/anywhere, but some additional useful tidbit of information can also be gleamed from this website: www.niceice.com

They do also sell diamonds, so you can check out their inventory, but the information in there tells you all the truth about diamonds, breaks down the cut/clarity/color/carat information (cut most important!) and other stuff as well.. you can also get a sense of how much something should run you if you just compare their prices with others..
If nothing else, it's a funny read

as other people said, never, ever, never, ever buy a diamond at a mall.. big markup, crappy quality and just terrible.

I actually believe it or not bought a diamond from the place above (unmounted) - got to look at it, took it to an independent appraisor locally, and they gave me the lowdown on the stone, which was great..

Not sure what kindof settings she likes, but my wife goes goo goo after Tacori settings, and I think the stuff he makes is very very different from other people (but be prepared to pay a lot, a platinum ring with gold mount) is probably about $3-4k itself.

My wife has the one marked in "F" here

http://www.samuelgordons.com/images/...ebellarte2.jpg

[Jane83]

UFCRUSHER has it right...
everyone elses opinion is their own.....but, you need to shop around....
dont get an engagement ring at Zales...if my bf ever did that, i wouldnt be happy...
if anyone says clarity isnt important, or cut, they are wrong.
you want this ring to be somthing your gf will want to wear everyday for a long long time.
it might cost you a little more, but if its worth it to you, you need to invest.
my 2 cents

[Burzhui]

I'm going to pause to disagree here. Some women aren't very color sensitve and some prefer the steely HIJs.

the whole dimond thing is a marketing ploy!
No matter how much you spend on that ring, that will be the most expensive blow job ever