A man ran through a crowded train looking very agitated, calling out, "Is there a Catholic priest on board?"
When he got no reply, he ran back up the train shouting, "Is there an Anglican priest on board?" Still no reply.
By now becoming more desparate, he ran down the train shouting, "Is there a Rabbi on board?"
Eventually, a gentleman stood up and said, "Can I be of any assistance, my friend? I'm a Methodist minister."
The man looked at him and said, "No, you're no bloody good. I need a corkscrew!"
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Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says to them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," says an elderly nun at the back of the room, "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."
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Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.
To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."
Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.
Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."
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Originally Posted by BigJon
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